Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...The Godfather!

I have given up on politics and I thought I'd walked away. But, a couple of incidents got me thinking this morning. I've seen my nation in general and the world as a whole embrace political parties like they were a freakin sports team.

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.".Plan 9 from Outer Space.

So, I am concerned when I see rhetoric calling each other Nazi's, inbreds, and accusing people of genocide by murdering millions of people by either not getting a vaccination or killing babies. Most of us on either side of the political issues actually just want to feed ourselves and our family. Have shelter and clothing and access to good medical care.

What, me worry?...Alfred E. Neuman Mad Magazine

I'm now 65 years old. Somewhere in the next 20 to 25 years I will possibly have already shuffled off this mortal coil or if I'm still here I probably won't be worried about politicians, pop stars and as hard as it is to believe Wild Women.

So the next several years are not going to be my years as far as moving the chains on politics or current events. But, still. I have a son and my wife is younger than me and besides I've come to suspect we really do go around more than once. But that's a story for another day. I do care that the world becomes a more peaceful place to live and nurture each other.

The writer, the comedian and the politician: 

there were 3 people this week that caused me to think about our society. I was right in the middle of my morning coffee when I pulled up the comedian on YouTube. I was in the process of a frappuccino at Barnes & Noble when the writer caught my attention and this morning while innocently checking the morning headlines on my tablet while drinking coffee when the politician caught my attention. 

I see a pattern here. I'm more likely to think about stuff while coffee brings me back to life. Sounds good but it also can cause me to pay attention to politics while I'm waking up and that (insert sarcasm here) can be a problem.

The Writer:

Yeah it's Stephen King. If you've ever talked to me or read anything I've said then you're not surprised that my favorite author made an impression on me. I read my first King novel "Salem's Lot" at around 18 years old and the rest is Constant Reader History.

But, I've got a bone to pick as we say in the South. My favorite author has allowed Trump and partisan political echo chambers to cloud his common sense. He's lost a little off his fastball in my opinion. 

I'm left of center. Meaning I am anti censorship and I think being honest is more important than pats on the head from all the cool kids in media and late night TV shows. Uncle Stevie used to identify as a hick from the state of Maine. His backstory is really impressive and inspirational in the fighting through hard times and addiction. I'm a Northeast Alabama hillbilly. Maybe that's a small part of my early infatuation with his writing.

But, I'm reading more and more where he seems to lose the thread of the story and wanders off into "ain't all republicans pieces of feces and ain't all democrats gifts from above territory." Now don't get me wrong. Stephen King has been a Democrat ever since he made the self described mistake of voting for Nixon and his leanings have always bled through his writing to some extent. But he also usually had some redeeming qualities for most of his characters that exceeded politics and even (gasp) had no political message at all. At least not in your face. 

But, reading his latest novel he actually has a line about the "White race isn't all bad." Now repeat that line and insert any other people's, color or race and tell me what would happen.

Still, it was one freaking line in a larger story and Uncle Stevie gets a pass. But, then I pick up a rare novel of his last night at the store and sipping my frap (ain't I cool?) I start to read it. Now "rare" in this context just means it's a Stephen King novel I haven't read. It's actually a collaboration with another talented author and it's the third part of the Gwendy's Button Box series.

It started out awful. Full throttle politics from the get go. Now true the main character is now a politician. But, damn surely he isn't silly enough to think all the good guys belong to one political party. Anyway, I might pick it up again. But, life is short and I pick and choose what I spend it on a little more carefully these days.

The Comedian:

Bill Burr is a younger (well at least to me) comedian who is white and I think married to a black lady. He is popular with a wide variety of people and if you're 55 and younger you more than likely know him. I mean we ain't talking Richard Pryor or Steve Martin here But he's aight. 

So Bill Burr is talking about abortion during his stand-up. Now, he appears to have similar views to mine But I'm not sure. My view is I hate it but I'm pro choice because I don't have the right to demand what a woman does with her body and the responsibility she has to take on in order to carry a baby. But, again that's a discussion for another day. Bill's point was that we should at least be honest and call it what it is. Killing a baby. He did the whole skit and I can't even begin to do it justice here so I won't try. But, he made an example of preparing a cake and putting it in the oven. Now, it's not a cake yet. But if some (expletive deleted) comes by and takes the cake out of the oven you don't say "hey, you ruined my potential cake" No. You say hey (expletive deleted) you ruined my cake. 

Just caused me to think. I'm still an old school liberal. But, we should be able to talk honestly about our different views without painting the opposition as cold hearted idiots.

The Politician:

Mitch McConnell. The Senator from Kentucky. He is far right hypocrisy personified. There I am sipping coffee and I click on a headline where old Mitch is now being noble and calling out Trump on his treachery for denying the constitution and fanning the flames of violence on January 6th. The problem is like most political people he waited until Trump (who I despise) lost power before speaking "truth." Anyway, I won't get into much about Mitch and other politicians because their blather ain't worth my time. But, saying I'm a Democrat so don't look at Hunter Biden. Or I'm a Republican so don't demand Trump be investigated is helping to kill our society. 

But, that's all I've got to say about that. It's about time for me to get on with the rest of the day. Bout time to put an egg in my shoe and beat it!

It's just a ride:

The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around it has thrills and chills. And it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for awhile. 

Many people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to wonder, "hey, is this real or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we...kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride,shut him up!"

"Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, And my family. This has to be real." 

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amock...But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no saving of money.

Just a simple choice right now. Between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and spend it on educating, feeding and clothing the poor of the world. Which it would pay for many times over. Not one human being excluded. And we could explore space, together, both inner and outer together, in peace.

Bill Hicks.

Epilogue:

I saw a video the other day. It was one of those things where people fairly and unfairly bait the police. But, that's not the point of my story. It was just the catalyst that got me thinking.

A spit and polish officer dressed in all black walks upon an elderly homeless man. Just sitting there by a business making all us "normal" people myself included uncomfortable. The type of person we move away from and look the other way hoping whatever misfortune he has won't rub off on us. After all he or she is different from us. 

So the cop pours out the drink the man was sipping. Yeah it was probably alcoholic but it wasn't clear. And he tells the elderly man that he will arrest him if he sees him again. 

The old homeless man gets up and Dear God, Sweet Jesus it looks like he is carrying the torment of all the creatures in the world. Soiled baggy pants and humiliation and addiction on top of a life story that perhaps started in a mother's arms. I wanted to look away. I wanted to cry. 

Please go back if you find time and read the Bill Hicks presentation one more time!

Jesus wept!

Peace!

This & That

 Back in the early 80's or could have been late 1970's I found myself in my early 20's pondering life and it's meaning. Seeing as how there were times I wasn't stoned on wacky terbacky or drunk on Miller Time. At these times my childhood religion would kick in and I would ponder what it was all about.

Right around this time of becoming skeptical about my religion and yet not ready for the cold dead senseless embrace of atheism I came across a book called "Out on a Limb" by Shirley McClain. It didn't change my whole life But it did kind of jump start my thought process to at least ponder that if I lost my old time religion that didn't mean meaningless atheism was my eventual stop.

Spoiler Alert: i'm neither religiously dogmatic or atheistic after all these years. But, I digress. 

Later in life and no longer young I came across another book by Shirley McClain. A much older woman now. I'd say she's at least my mother's age. This book was called as far as I remember "I'm over all That " She explained that over the years she has begun to chill out over trivial matters and stopped worrying as much about being thought of as beautiful or young, smart or trying to convert anyone else to her way of seeing the world.

Again. Her book didn't change my life But it did get me to thinking. I certainly agree with her. Yelling and arguing and trying to beat people over the head is stupid. It could get you beat up and it can certainly destroy relationships. So I'm over all That. You love Trump or Biden. Liberal or conservative. Atheist or Christian. American or British. African or Asian. Just be you.

So I find myself trying to be more comfortable with my own self and just being who I am and understanding that everyone I meet isn't going to instantly love me or share my worldview. Idiots I know. But whatcha gonna do?

So I'm looking around and thinking about life here in my mid going on later 60's. I think about stuff I truly believe in. I don't know all the secrets of the universe but I do know some stuff. 

My dog will not understand that the door closed on her tail through no fault of mine the other day. But she still loves me. 

My car insurance went up just because I hit my 60's. So All state doesn't really love me.

Did you know as you get older you're more likely to fart if you stand up fast after eating burgers and fries?

I found out the other day that a lady bug has more common sense than a prominent pop scientist. No really. True story. This dude assured people that the only thing that mattered was getting stuff in this life and that we should be awed that we are nothing more than a chemical reaction marching towards oblivion. 

However, there was a little lady bug on the inside of my windshield. The window on the other side was open. This little lady bug on feeling the air and seeing the sunshine slowly made it's way towards hope. So to me the little bug held hope and that particular scientist had nothing but oblivion. Well for his own sake and mine I hope he's wrong. I'm on the bugs side in this one.

My cat was sitting in my lap the other day. I was petting him and he pulled in his claws before he batted me. So I know my cat loves me.

My wife must love me because I can be a grouch and I often leave the toilet seat up. She puts it down and rarely gripes. Much.

Did you know that as you get older young women start to smile at you again? It's often because you remind them of their dad or grandfather. But still. Take your wins where you can get them.

I think my house is haunted. The other day I was walking by a mirror. I saw this little old bald fat dude. I turned quickly but he was nowhere in sight. I covered the mirrors and burned sage and so far I haven't seen him again. But imma stay away from that mirror.

I'm trying to treat people the way I want to be treated. My biggest regrets are the times I was mean to people and animals or insensitive to How others were feeling.

Anyway. I'm just rambling. 

Peace!

Review Ink Black Heart

 Pro's:

Really good story. Draws you in. Well developed characters. I thought I had the bad guy figured out. But, I was pleasantly surprised that I was wrong. So good job of story development. 

Cons: as an American from the South that accent from the narrator was horrible. He seemed to be trying for a cross between a redneck version of Scarlett O'hara and a cultured Forrest Gump. But that's minor since it was thankfully a passing tourist whose character wasn't a part of the actual storyline. The other was the stupid beep that Audible chose to insert the couple of places where the N word was mentioned in context of the story. Pulled me right out of the story. I also wondered what the genius censors would do with Mark Twain! Lord help us. 

Finally I have seen some silly statements about racist and transphophic gripes about this book. Good God! Do people even read before they review something? This had zero to do with that particular culture war. I guess if you are determined to find fault then you can't let the truth get in your way. 

This is a great series. I was hesitant at first due to Rowling haven written the Potter books. But, she is excellent in any story she tells so this is highly recommended. Unlike most "detective" type mysteries this is a long book and yet it is extremely well paced. 5 stars for the book. 3 & 1/2 for the narration. 

Truth

 What is truth?

 It's said that the very spirit and being and the cause of all reality filled a human vessel around 2000 some odd years ago. According to a narrative there's this one more example of a seemingly endless supply of empire and armies running over poor people and tearing lives apart for the greater good. One more time a so called powerful man who would one day die of some disease or old age or another powerful man's sword walks up to this man who has no army but will soon be thought of as the very font of wisdom and life. Depending of course on what you believe.

So anyway this powerful dude. Let's call him Pilate since that's what the story calls him. He speaks to the highest born of all mankind who is the font of all wisdom and life. Let's call him Jesus since that's how his name translated into English.

 Pilate addresses Jesus and says "what is truth?" Then as the story goes he walks away. HE WALKS AWAY!

Talk about the human condition. We always walk away because the truth makes our head hurt. It's hard and complicated. So into the void left by Pilate and the complete absence of anything actually written by Jesus stepped theologians, philosophers and other jokers, kings and priests to assure us of the truth.

Now somewhere around 2000 years later we have more information and knowledge than ever. But we are no closer to wisdom and truth than Pilate was. 

According to certain writings around 2500 some odd years ago a Prince named Siddhartha left his palace for the first time. His father the king had sheltered him from the human condition. But upon seeing the poverty and suffering of the people Siddhartha who would become the Buddha left all worldly pleasures. He renounced his crown and lived a simple life gathering wisdom and seeking the release of human suffering.

So now here we are. The human race. What have we learned? Life is fleeting. There is something more precious than this fleeting life but we need to live this life to find it. 

There is one race called human and somehow we keep running over each other. Because we fear each other. So one group tells their group that the other group wants all their hard earned stuff. While the other group tells their group that the one group is responsible for all the hate and racism in the world so its okay to hate them.

Meanwhile the Pilates and kings of the world continue to use the newest generation for cannon foder and target practice while convincing them that they owe it to the political machine because their fathers were also blown apart and used by the powerful politicians and rulers.

Somewhere around the presidency of George W Bush I had a thought. The winds of war were once again blowing for god (little g because I don't think Big G condones it), flag and country. My thought was "we have been blowing other humans up for time out of mind but nothing has really ever changed." there is always another war. Another threat. Another reason for our youth to be broken, killed and cast aside for the cause of the rich rulers. So I thought:

"What if we're doing it wrong?"

Now just hear me out. What if most of the people we are told to hate are really just like us? They are working and striving to put bread on the table. They have their own inner, spiritual conscious life. They might have different ways but maybe they are still people and not just trash to be swept out of the way.

Anyway, as you tune in tonight to CNN, NewsMax, MSNBC and Fox News I just thought What if? What if that echo chamber describing white people, black people, religious people, atheist, gay people and all others isn't really completely accurate?

What would Jesus have said if Pilate had hit pause? What would have happened if Buddha's pop had of opened the kingdom's prosperity to everyone? What if there really is one eternal consciousness and we are all individual expressions of it United at our core being?

What would it look like? Just saying. Maybe we've been doing it wrong 

Peace.

Reeling in the years.

 I've been thinking a lot about life lately. I turned 65 this year. That's an age only old people turned. What happened? I have experienced Hawaiian beaches, Colorado mountains, Alabama country roads and the experience of being a dad. I've been through open heart surgery and I've seen the fridge full and the fridge empty. It's all a journey and I'm thankful for food, shelter and companionship.

I've learned the art of letting go of the need to control every situation. I wear my feelings on my sleeve often. But when they get knocked off I pick em up brush them off and keep going. 

I've been drunk, stoned and I've misplaced my keys and my car. I've been baptized, born again, agnostic and prayed, scoffed and argued religion and politics. I've read the bible and a little of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I've been in church revivals and sit ZaZen meditation. I've watched sitcoms and I've watched porn. I've sit in awe of the vastness of who and what we would call God and I've felt the raw animal fear of being afraid I was going to die. 

65 years. That's a lot of rock and roll. Lots of regrets and hopes and fears and dreams. Life has rarely been as easy and magical as I wanted and it's never been as bad or devastating as I feared. 

I often hear people especially in the age of social media make sweeping statements. Just do this, vote this way, think this, read that and God, the universe, science and all life will work "just so."

At 65 I now say what I think. Sometimes too much. I was in the store the other day and I realized that the inner dialogue that I've had since I was young was actually coming out of my mouth. Oh my goodness! Thinking is one thing but when you start mumbling to yourself you look like either a crazy old fart. Maybe just a cute little old dude thinking out loud or call security because there's a nut walking through the store mumbling to himself.

One thing I do these days is tell friends and family I love them. I sometimes think that I hope my friends don't misunderstand. I'm not flirting or trying to get myself in trouble. At my age i'm busy trying to survive A-fib, floaters in my eye and hoping I don't see blood in the toilet. 

When I say I love you I mean just that. I love you and you're important to me. No strings attached. 

So what have I learned in over 6 decades? That there really isn't a one size fits all answer to life. We all walk around in our own unique journey and the best that I can do is follow my inner compass. For me that's prayer and meditation and treating others the way I want to be treated. 

I have learned to try and love without demanding anything in return. I've learned to see past a persons skin color, religion or political beliefs. I've learned to bite my tongue around far left woke people and far right religious people. I've also learned not to attend every argument I'm invited to. Especially if it's given by an atheist, Christian or political zealot. I'll gladly discuss politics, religion and sexuality. But I won't beat you over the head or argue endlessly about nit picking the human spiritual, physical and mental journey. 

Personally. I'm a person who is still on the journey. I do have hard earned views about life. But I mostly "Keep my visions to myself." as Stevie Nicks sang. 

Peace

Fairytale book review

 have been reading Stephen King since I was around 18 years old. I'm 65 now so it's been a minute. I always haunted the Gadsden, Alabama Public Library asking (pre internet days) when the next Stephen King novel was coming out. They would always say "don't worry we already have you on the waiting list." which meant they would hold a copy and call me when it was available depending on where I was on the list.

Back then King was dealing with his addictions and I was dealing with mine. So I would grab my copy and stop for a six pack or in the case of Pony Miller's an 8 pack and spend a bleary afternoon dropping into the world of Stephen King and the haze of Miller Time.

He eventually kicked his bad habits and as for drugs and alcohol so did I. But, I remained a Constant Reader as he calls the "fans" of his work.

In his mid 70's he's lost a little off his fastball but he still serves up a better yarn than most younger writers these days. I lost my constant desire for horror or at least less of it as I aged. Once you get to the age where you check your pee and chit for blood (none, so far Thank God) you don't really spend as much of your relaxing time wanting to ponder horror. 

But, if Stephen King releases a book i'm reading it. Besides I think he's getting less into the horror of his younger books. He keeps dabbling in crime and mystery but, full disclosure? He's no Raymond Chandler when it comes to writing cops and robbers and sultry dames. 

"Fairytale" is a really Well written book told in the first person by a young man named Charley Reade who loses his mother before the story even starts. Almost loses his father to alcohol and finds a German shepherd dog as a best friend. 

Along the way there are dwarfs, princesses, dungeons and giants. Gold and magic crickets and a journey between two world's. A monster straight out of Lovecraft and for a man in his 70's not a bad job of giving voice to a 17 year old teenager. Although for a modern teen the kid sounds a little like a 1960's TV show. But, I'm in my 60's now and I understand the problems I'd have trying to make a character in their teens sound believable.

Hey. You kid's. Get off my lawn!

Sorry. Got distracted. 

The story is excellent. I did the Audible version and the young voice actor does a fine job with narration. The only problem with the Audible version is it says Stephen King is also part of the narration. Well. He is but only for a few lines.

Pro's:

Good story

Likable characters

Hateful characters

Tribute to Lovecraft

Also Bradbury and Piers Anthony

Cons:

One line saying "white race isn't all bad." 

Making sure to be clear that blonde hair and blue eyes aren't all bad but fishbelly white instead of simply pale.

I'm no conservative by any stretch but I take my stories straight. No woke propaganda. Still even as I write this I admit there is very little political snark in this one. 

I also agree that "We" meaning the Human Race have messed up the planet and each other. So I tend to agree with the underlying theme of not wanting to contaminate a new world. 

All in all a well told story. Highly recommended!

Books and worldviews

 I grew up kind of hybrid. I was born in Gadsden, Alabama which at that time was considered a small city. Now I think you would call it a town. My family was from Altoona which is a really small rural area. I was playing in the neighborhood all week and staying in the country at my grandparents all weekend through the first 16 years or so of my life.

 One of the biggest influences on me was my passion to sink into a story. My home life was volatile at times But my imagination was free. Now this isn't going to be an old boomer telling you that the old ways were better. Some were, some were not. If you are a reader try "Boy's Life" by Robert McCammon. If you are a movie person try "Stand by Me" the movie based on a Stephen King book. Otherwise I will part with Boomer growing up nostalgia here.

  My worldview has been shaped by reading. I know these days (shut up Boomer) No, really these days we mainly read links on social media and snarky come backs and stay in our echo chambers. But, in my youthful haunts of libraries I would find a subject and have to think about it on my own.

No internet posse to save me with a link to a snarky debunk. No. I had to actually sit there and debate the issue in my own mind and hunt like a cave man ON My Own for a different opinion. (Okay boomer)

I was thinking of some books that have influenced my worldview along the way. You would think that would be easy but it isn't. I remember subjects and emotions but in some cases the actual title has escaped me. But, these are some of the books, authors and worldviews that have influenced my journey. 

1. Bible: Well I was raised in the Bible Belt to a Pentecostal family on one side and Southern Baptist on the other. So, even though I now see the Bible as a series of writings, traditions and ancient evolution of the search for God and meaning. I grew up thinking it was one smooth written account hand delivered to mankind from the desk of The Almighty. I still find great comfort in the Psalms and my favorite books are 1St Samuel and The Gospel of John. Favorite line for personal reasons "All my fountains are in you." 

2. Bed by the Window by M. Scott Peck. 

To be honest I remembered little about the plot of this book. I mainly remember it has a young man in a care facility who is paralyzed. But there is a light about him that draws people and staff. There is a negative person who wants to kill the light. I know this sounds like a Dean Koontz novel. Just throw in a Golden Retriever and you're done. But, it's so much more than that. The description of the inner reality of the soul stayed with me on some level that the story itself didn't. I have no idea if this still holds up. I think this is from the late 70's to early 80's. (okay boomer. I'll be sure to zzzzz.) 

3. The Sleeping Prophet: Edgar Cayce was called the Sleeping Prophet due to entering a trance state while laying down and diagnosing illness in other people. This soon evolved into past life readings and some dubious predictions about the future. Still much of the medical advice proved justifiable and effective. The past life readings interesting and the future predictions a mixed bag at best. So why do I consider Cayce influential?

One reason is I had a memory in childhood of an old man dying. I was watching this from a perspective of being the old man and yet outside the old man. So finding Cayce in the Gadsden Public Library helped put a name to it. Reincarnation. (okay boomer but I ain't buying it and my preacher says you're going to h.e. double toothpicks.)

4. "Strange World" Back in the day we got most of our news from a newspaper (Lawd, this boomer is old) one of the weekly columns was called something like "It's a Strange World." my young eyes after reading the funnies and the Sports page would eagerly devour the latest story of ghosts, vampires and even a little kid who was the reincarnation of President Kennedy who we had lost less than a decade ago. It wasn't a book or a specific author. But it helped my lifelong fascination with the "what if?" and things that go bump in the night.

5. "Out on a Limb" by Shirley McClain. I was going through a time in my young adulthood that lasted from my mid 20's to my early 30's where I began to suspect that belief in anything beyond the solid matter of things I could actually see and feel was superstitious nonsense. Yet here was a Hollywood star who I had seen in movies growing up. This wasn't a backwoods snake handling red neck preacher. I apologise now to my fellow rednecks and I'm a proud Southerner from a long line of redneck, Appalachian hillbillies and there are no finer people in the world. But, I'm describing where I was then

6. "Twenty Cases Suggestive of Reincarnation." by Dr. Ian Stevenson. Want an antidote to the I was an Egyptian Pharaoh in my past life? This is it. Want a quick easy read? This ain't it. This is dense and filled with statistics and years of on the ground research by a University of Virginia Psychiatrist and department head. Dry and academic and wonderful. But I didn't read it word for word. This ain't Stephen King and it's not a fun read. But, it's certainly a legitimate scientific method investigation. I actually wrote to Dr. Stevenson back in my youth. He answered me but in my youthful ignorance I discarded the letter. Oh well. I highly recommend checking out Ian Stevenson if you are interested at all in a serious inquiry into the paranormal.

Honorable Mention:

"Flim Flam" by James Randi. If you only want shiny unicorns and fluffy teddy bears in your worldview stay away from Mr. Randi. He was rude, crude and not above playing loose with the details. He was a true atheistic evangelist of debunking all hope in a god, afterlife or ESP. But, being the curious lad that I was I always at least looked at the other side of an argument.

"CSICOP" Martin Gardner: This isn't a book. Csicop or psi cop as the organization was know is a group of stage magicians like James Randi, scientists like Carl Sagan and others who either hated the thought of a god (James Randi) or was interested but highly skeptical (Carl Sagan.) One of these guys was a science writer named Martin Gardner. What set him a little apart was he was absolutely a skeptic and a debunker but he believed in God (though not the Christian one) and an afterlife. 

Ruth Montgomery: Former reporter for I believe the Washington post she became interested in channeling, reincarnation and communication with the dead. I seem to remember she was  close friends with the psychic Arthur Ford who had some controversial readings with the widow of Harry Houdini.

"Communion" by Whitley Strieber:

I had read the horror novel "The Wolfen" by Strieber back in the 70's. So when Communion came out purportedly a true story about alien abduction I was ready. This is not an alien abduction story as far as Spaceman and nuts and bolts flying saucers. This is a well documented psychological, paranormal in depth personal account of a man's ongoing journey into the great mystery. Calling it and the rest of Strieber's work a simple alien abduction fantasy is a lie at worst and a misunderstanding of his experience by skeptics at best.  I really enjoy his "Dreamland" podcasts and his recent non fiction work.

"The Other's" by James Herbert. 

A "horror" novel that touches on good and evil. Reincarnation and karma and according to the writer isn't exactly "fiction." at least not entirely. It's a good story either way and I once heard him described as Britain's Stephen King. I won't go that far but yeah. He's a good writer.

"What Dreams May Come" Richard Matheson.

Not the Robin Williams movie. Although that's good to. The book is based on actual worldview and research of the author. It resonated with me and I listened to the Audible version. 

"Return from Tomorrow" by George Ritchie

An account of a young army medic from the Korean war era if memory serves. But don't hold me to that. He is pronounced dead and has a vivid near death experience. He sees Christ as constantly there to help the departed cross into forgiveness and hope. But many souls are so stuck in their own version of hell that they can't see or acknowledge the hope that is always there if they would just stop and listen. This book affected a great deal of Some of the way I view the afterlife.

Well that's it for now. No these aren't my favorite books although a few are on that list. But, these are some of the interests and influences along my journey.

Peace.

First Samuel and a Christian Heretic.

 Just a couple comments before I start.

I titled this a Christian heretic  reads 1st Samuel. I first read the bible in my youth and even into my later days as a born again evangelical Christian. I chose Christian heretic because I can't be a Muslim heretic or a Buddhist heretic or any other kind. Because I'm not Muslim or Buddhist or atheist or any other theist. I was born and raised in the church and I still consider the idea of the source of all being putting on humanity to be the greatest act of love and the most "God Thing" of any of the world's religions.

What this is not: 

It's not an argument of why I left evangelical fundamentalist religion. 

It's not asking the church for permission to call myself a Jesus Follower.

It's not asking atheists permission to still consider myself intelligent without abandoning all hope of love, spirit and meaning beyond chemical firings in a temporary organ located inside my skull.

It's also not an argument to prove I'm right. 

You are free to call me a superstitious idiot for believing in a higher power. You are free to call me a hell bent sinner for thinking for myself. Although the people some of y'all populate heaven with and the angry old wrathful blood thirsty Jehovah would be hell to me. But, I digress.

I read the ebook NIV version from the Bible Gateway App. Two reasons. One is that my 65 year old eyes need the adjustable font and backlight of the kindle. The second reason is the NIV is my favorite version. It's also what I used when Cindy and I attended the Gadsden Vinyard Fellowship. My pastor there who will in some ways always be my pastor  although he certainly wouldn't agree  with my theology once said jokingly "NIV" Necessary in Vinyard.

Anyway 1st Samuel is a fascinating prophetic and very spiritual book. It's also earthy, crude and violent. From gathering foreskins of enemies to killing every man, woman, child and animal in a village it's not exactly a "Christian"sounding book. Because it's not. It's a very Jewish, Eastern crude and even poetic book. I think the parts I always loved were when God calls Samuel. I have felt that quiet voice when you just know it's the real  thing. No, I'm not a prophet. But, taken away from the evangelical rewrite of history the prophet was basically someone who was psychically in tune with pure consciousness. At least in my opinion. 

Reading it at 30 years old from a young man's Christian perspective I remember how I felt about it. It was awesome that I was reading it at a time when the Vinyard movement was still a young movement. Late 80's to early 90''s. I was excited to have found a church that was playing worship songs with a rock beat and talking about prophecy as an intuition and just hanging out and talking with God as if you were having a conversation. The focus was on music, fellowship and I was meeting young professionals who were academics and talked about science fiction and could have a beer without thinking the wrath of God was going to consume us. Although coffee was the brew of choice.

Reading it some 30 or more years later as an older adult. I still enjoyed it. That's rare for me to say about a book of the bible.Especially an old testament book I remember even in my youth falling asleep part way through Deuteronomy. But, First Samuel has a lady being made fun of for not having children. Then God blesses her with children especially the first one who turns out to be Samuel an eventual prophet of God. Then Israel wants a king and God says "That's not a real good idea" but if they want one I'll give them one. 

Then comes Saul who is flawed and then comes David and the evangelicals don't even want to talk about David and Jonathan and Jonathan stripping naked and the love that was more than the love of women. Yeah I know. If like me you were raised in the church one of the Southern seminaries explained all that away. But, reading it as an older man who doesn't have to read it like a good Christian youth I'm able to step back and say hmmm. But, I digress. 

Then you have David slaying Goliath and God sending an evil spirt of God to Saul. And Saul acting like a vengeful killer one moment and stand up guy the next. Again, my Christian upbringing was to ignore the killing and the fact that God can't do evil but the bible says the evil spirit on Saul was from God. I understand these days that translations and ancient times can't be put in modern day terms word for word or meaning for meaning. 

Then you have David. Raiding villages and killing men, women and children so that no witness remains. Holy Sopranos Batman! Again, as a young Christian I just accepted that God had his reasons and I couldn't judge. But, these days I don't see that as a good excuse for killing kids. 

Eli, who was Samuel's mentor, had sons that disobeyed the Lord and so Samuel was raised up. Samuel's sons also committed the same sins and met the same fate. I also noticed the boundaries that  were set where God was said to protect the people. It brought back the idea that the God of the desert to the Jews at that time was a territorial God and not depicted as the Almighty father that those of us who grew up in the church were taught. 

David would not be a Sunday School attendee. If he wanted a woman he would take her. This "one man, one woman" thing of the modern American church wasn't something the ancient Hebrews would have agreed with. First Samuel is very much an ancient Jewish writing. 

My take away:

I absolutely love First Samuel. It's human and mystical and gritty and blood and guts and emotion. As a spiritual person it gives me reason to get quiet before the mystery that is the connection between flesh and spirit. Just to get quiet and wait on that still voice and be in awe of the interaction. 

However, if I were still a fundamentalist the problem of thinking God literally told these people to kill men, women and children would be horrible. There is no way to read it as a fundamentalist and not have to condone and make excuses for murder. Sorry, That's just the way it is. 1 plus 1 equals 2. However, read as part of a journey of a people who lived and died in the mud and gore and not taking it as the literal absolute will of God. I can read it as I honestly think it stands I'm not a scholar of ancient Hebrew or ancient peoples. So, I won't pee up your leg and tell you it's raining. I don't understand a lot of the details. I don't think God sends evil spirits on people. I don't think God kills or is pleased when people kill women and children. Or men for that matter. 

But, I do think people get caught up within themselves. I do believe the same person that listens for that still voice of God is also capable of walking away from that experience and still being consumed by their own fear, lust and anger. It's the human condition. 

So, my feeling is I'm really Spiritually encouraged by the voice of Deity in the still quiet moments. I'm also pleased that I can be human and still find hope and purpose. 

1st Samuel is like most of the Old Testament. It's a tough read if you take it as the absolute will of God.In that regard it's not quite as hard on me now as it was in my younger days. But, it's still hard. On the other hand it's more like what we are as humans even in this day. We can love and hate. Birth and kill. Nurture and destroy. 1st Samuel is really about religious scribes and authorities making God in their own image. Religion is great at that.

We do the same thing to not only our idea of God but also our idea of country, politicians and even our approach to science. We want what we want and we want it now.

So, I'm not mocking the bible or faith. I'm not mocking anybody or their idea of who and what they are or God is or isn't. I'm coming to the mystery quietly and with my ears open and my mouth shut. I hope if God says my name I'm able to listen. I might not listen as a religious dogmatist. But, as a person and as an aware being I anxiously and hopefully listen. 

Peace. 

Me and Jesus go to WalMart

 So Cindy gets up and says it's going to rain and I need to get groceries. I said great. I'll be here when you get back. So off she goes and I think "ya know if she hadn't already left I think I'd go with her." Just to get my steps in. Well about that time she comes back in. She forgot something. So true to my word. I pop up and say I'll go with you.

So there I am walking inside the Super Center looking at caps, movies and getting my steps in. All of a sudden I feel an intense presence.

Well. Fancy meeting you here. Since I left church and fundi religion we don't talk as much. 

Well. Who's fault is that? We decided a long time ago that you didn't have to get permission from priest, preachers or other fools to talk with me.

Yeah I know. But they seem to claim the "orthodox" faith when it comes to you.

Orthodoxy? Really? Do you know my story? Those guys killed me. 

I know. They had me pretty wrapped up at one time. Anyway I'm glad to see you. Been too long. I needed a reminder that Source cares enough to put on flesh and join this tragic, funny, wonderful, awful dance of life.

Well look in the mirror. You can see source in your own eyes. Even in a puppies eyes. With all the war and anger and self righteous liberal vs conservative vs race vs pronouns I just wanted to tap you on the shoulder. 

Thanks! I needed that. Even us heretics and former fundies need a reminder that this is a journey. Not the destination. 

Peace!

Heart like a wheel

 Well I spent my whole lifetime

In a world where the sunshine
Finds excuses for not hangin' 'round

I was around 16 years old when Linda Ronstadt included this song on her album "Heart like a Wheel"

I squandered emotions
On the slightest of notions
And the first easy loving I found
But soon all the good times
The gay times and play times
Like colors run together and fade
Oh Lord if you hear me
Touch me and hold me
And keep me from blowing away

I would eventually teach myself how to play this song on my acoustic guitar. By the time I was 18 I thought I had lived through enough to understand the lyrics. My older self thinks of that and wants to kick my younger self's....oh well. They say youth is wasted on the young.

There's times when I trembled
When my mind remembered
The days that just crumbled away
With nothing to show
But these lines that I know
Are beginning to show in my face

It ain't though. Youth is lived by the young and often regretted by the old. But, that's what makes it youth. The living of it. The casual throwing away of sunny days by the idiocy of youthful inexperience. Still the memories are still there. And finally you get old enough to think old regrets are just as silly as youthful mistakes. 

Oh Lord if you're listening
I know I'm no Christian
And I ain't got much coming to me
So send down some sunshine
Throw out your lifeline
And keep me from blowing away

I'm old enough now to know someone's listening. At least that's what my deepest life experience tells me. But, you have to keep yourself from blowing away. At least I finally came to a place where I decided I wasn't a victim. 

Oh Lord if you hear me
Touch me and hold me
And keep me from blowing away

I love the album and this particular song. Life is kind of a Wheel. Buddhist say we can escape the cycle through good karma. But, I don't think there is anything to be escaped from. I personally feel we all are on an eternal journey. Maybe that's what the universe is about. In some form or another. Some incarnation or journey in consciousness it's all made for us. I like to think that's true. That there are always more journeys of spirit and more beings than are thought of in our various philosophy, science and religions. 

Peace!

Meditation

   Relax your body. Breathe in. Concentrate on your breath. On the inhale say "let." On the exhale say "go." Let...Go.....Guided meditation

Here I am again. Thoughts swirl through my mind. Hang on. I gotta pee. Okay. Wait the volume is to low. Okay. Now. Wait. To loud. Alright. Relax. Dang my hand is tingling again and my leg is uncomfortable. Alright. Now. my eyes are closed. My meditation mask is over my eyes. Monkey mind is quieting down. Body slowing down. Stop. No thought. Just be. Just let the thoughts go by. Stop trying to figure it out.

Finally. Watching the thoughts. Calling to you. Remembering who I am. Understanding what I can't put into words without them sounding silly and religious and new agey. NO Thought. No words can explain. Just be.

I can't be destroyed because I didn't start with the body. You can't lose me because I'm literally a part of you. But, how do I come to your presence? Some come as if you are a stern parent or school teacher and they are a naughty child. Some come as if you are a stern judge and they are guilty of criminal offense. Some think this whole thing is a mistake of random chance and one day the organism will evolve until it destroys itself signifying nothing and finally there will be only oblivion unless or until another mistake happens and some other organism evolves towards oblivion.

I Am! That's all there is. I AM. No beginning and no ending. I'm a part of you. Not an adopted child because I say the magic words of a scripture. Not a cosmic by product of nothing producing nothing. I can't be lost like an old man losing a penny out of his pocket. 

Grateful. Thankful. Being. 

Meditation is over. My butt itches. I have to go to the bathroom. I need to make sure people like me. Do I have enough money? What time is it? I'm feeling horny, old, tired, bored, sick, healthy. Now what was I doing a little while ago? Meditating? Well. Maybe I'll do it again and maybe I can remember the state where I'm eternal and not afraid. But, right now I have to make sure I'm in control.

Make sure my religion is spread to everyone else. That my political party has power and that the world is still going. After all it depends on me and my religious and political values. Right? 

Just Breathe.

Ramblings

 

Saturday! In my youth Friday evening I would feel it. The blood would run hot. Saturday was coming. Pony Miller's, warm smell of a doobie and blondes in halter tops and short short's. I would most likely be heartbroken, drunk or stoned at the end of Saturday night. But, when Saturday started all bets were off. 

I hate it when people say the past doesn't matter. Of course it matters. I have loved ones and old loves back there. Sometimes I think I need to step back to 1975 or so and pick up something I dropped. Just a sec while I reach back.

Of course our past defines us. Who we were. What we loved and the battles we survived. Now there is a huge difference in acknowledging the past and living in it. I live in the present moment. I'd look pretty damn silly wearing bell bottoms and a Panama Red pot t-shirt at 65 years old. Not to mention what a beer keg would do to my heart or a bag of reefer would do to my lungs. Drunk, stupid and stuck in the past is no way to go through life.

But, if I ever loved you then I didn't stop just because of the passing of years. The people who have passed and the ones who are now separated by the miles and years are still precious to me. But, we get older. We fall in love with our children and hopefully their children. We love people that we never even knew were in the world during our teenage years. 

I ran from my past for many years. I even stopped listening to music at one time. My past was hurtful, disappointing and I felt helpless in it. One of the worst times was coming out of the hurt in my early 30's. A voice I could barely remember and not really recognize called me by my high school nickname. I never even turned around. 

I regret that now. I wonder all these years later which old friend was calling to me and wanting to say hi. But, I was in the middle of Gadsden the city of my birth. I was heading to work at the County courthouse. So I wasn't going to look back to find out who that voice was from my past.

I'm so sorry now. I can't tell that person that I really wasn't a jerk. I was just still a scared kid deep inside running from ghosts and denying the emotions that needed to be let out.

I found my voice eventually and was able to accept my whole life. To make peace with who I am and to stop running. So before people yell white privilege or entitled they need to think. You don't know and personally I ain't telling. What someone has gone through.

I think at times people now who try to preach at me about my spiritual life. Or those who poo poo my spiritual convictions don't understand why their quoting the bible or the latest TV preacher doesn't shake me. Some don't understand why their logic and idea of philosophy doesn't move me off my inner certainty of Higher being/God/Spirit.

It's not because I despise the Christianity of my youth. It's not because I don't understand logic or the scientific method. It's because my worldview is hard earned. Really hard won and still evolving. Are you a born again bible thumping Christian? Fine. I love you and will treat you with respect. But I been there. Got the t-shirt and ain't going back. 

Are you a hardened absolute atheist that despises the very concept of a spiritual reality? I ain't going to argue with you or spend time explaining myself to you. I don't have any burden of proof that i must give you. I walked through that. Refused the t-shirt and I'm good with my own life experience.

So I don't argue with fundamentalist be they religious or anti religion. I do love to talk about the what if possibilities of reality. I can discuss religion, politics, consciousness, sexuality, books, movies and music. But, I can't put the universe and all reality in a nice little box and tie a bow on it. Once you start telling me the will of God or calling me a racist, redneck, libtard, inbred or baby killer then the conversation is over.

We don't have to agree on everything. I don't like to treat political parties like my favorite football team. I think we should hold them all accountable. Make your politician tell you how they are going to tackle healthcare and poverty and war veteran PTSD. And when they start yelling Race, abortion and sexual politics tell them to fix the homeless vet problem. The medical access problem. The general welfare of the nation problem. 

We are all Being distracted. While you worry if Willie can marry Sam your Gawd fearing political masters are giving themselves another raise and snuggling up to big oil and big pharma 

Anyway. Just some off the cuff rambling on my part. 

Peace 

Stuck in the middle

 Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I've got the feeling that something ain't right...Stealers Wheel.

So there I was a boomer on the interwebs. I made the mistake of saying skin color was a stupid way for humanity to hate each other over. OMG! I was all of a sudden a racist, a colonizer and a white person that should just shut up! Accused of sodomizing my cartoon profile Snoopy to causing genocide since Jesus was a baby. 

I'm so scared I guess I'll fall off my chair. And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs...Stealers Wheel

So there I was. A boomer surfing the World Wide Webs. I simply said that any man who had oppressed women and made fun of the handicapped wasn't fit to be President and certainly wasn't Christ like. OMG! I was all of a sudden an anti Christian limp wristed America hating sob. I probably had sex with my sister (man, left and right y'all sure do have some strange sexual kinks) and I obviously thought Joe Biden was the equal of St. John and Obama was Jesus. Man. Left and right y'all sure do have some odd religious hang ups.

Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right here I am. Stuck in the middle with you...Stealers Wheel

So there I am. A beat up boomer daring to engage the World Wide interweb of knowledge again. I said I thought that everybody has a right to be who they are. Man or woman if you ask me nicely to call you a he or she then I will. But, in my humble opinion you can't magically be an honest to God woman if you never had a period and don't have a womb. But, if in your heart you feel you have the soul of a woman I can respect that and will acknowledge your inner female. OMG! All of a sudden i'm a Neanderthal that hates science (although science says what I said) wants to see the World burn in global warming and more than likely wants to install Nazi Germany type hate in the US government.

And I'm stuck in the middle with you. And I'm wondering what it is I should do. It's so hard to keep this smile off my face losing control yeah, I'm all over the place...Stealers Wheel.

So. There I am. A beat up boomer with internet induced ptsd. I have always felt that we are born to be who we are. Gay people have a perfect right to marry. Marriage is a civil contract. The bible isn't a single book and governing a nation based on 6000 year old Jewish dietary laws and hundreds of translations overseen by men in Rome wearing pope hats is not a good idea. OMG! I'm all of a sudden a sodomite who probably doesn't love dear President Trump and secretly hates America and Jesus and doesn't have a Franklin Graham gold star for supporting wiping out heathen aboriginal pagan practices in the name of good old American evangelism. 

Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right Here I am. Stuck in the middle with you. When you started out with nothing And you're proud that you're a self made man. And your friends they all come crawling. Slap you on the back and say 

Please

Please...Steelers Wheel

So there I am. A confused Jesus following none judging everybody in the pool social media interweb surfing boomer. When I happen to see a billionaire black man who plays a sport that takes advantage of slave labor in China. So he says it's hard to be a black man in America. I simply point out that it's hard to be poor anyplace but if you have enough green in your pocket you're good. OMG! All of a sudden there are 25 year old upper middle class black kids and white social justice warriors telling me that I should just quit talking. Because my little 65 year old white privileged butt that comes from the foothills of Appalachia in North Alabama whose granddaddy was a coal miner couldn't possibly understand the hardship of struggle.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I got the feeling that something ain't right. I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair. And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs...Steelers Wheel

So there I am. A worn out shell shocked boomer with a big mouth surfing the highways and byways of the world wide net. I happen to say that although I hate abortion that if men could get pregnant you would be able to get an abortion from a vending machine. Also we should expand Medicaid and do some of that Jesus stuff like providing food and shelter and treating people the way we want to be treated. OMG! Not only did I want to give money and food to deadbeats but I was a baby killing Satanist who wanted to make the US into a communist nation and burn down all the churches and probably  wasn't very good at football.But I said I didn't like the way the left acted like abortion was a holy rite of passage for women and I didn't like the right forcing rape victims and children to have babies. OMG! I'm no longer welcome at the big tent of the Democrats or the holy church of the GOP! I'm now a racist, anti black white hating homophobe,gay loving, religious fanatic,Jesus hating left wing far right conservative liberal scum bag.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you...Steelers Wheel.

So there I am. A shell shocked tattered Southern male boomer. I'm going out to the mailbox to get my monthly white privilege check. Then I'm going to my godless atheist America hating meeting. But, first I have to stop by my church to pick up my sister wife and plot the overthrow of all the free world and impose Fox News as the official truth teller of the nation. As soon as I stop by the home office of MSNBC and make sure my version of facts is universally acknowledged.

Peace!

Rambling!

 Sunday morning and the sun is shining. Gonna be a hot one but, then again it's July in Alabama. My dog is surely going to starve if I don't get her breakfast right now! It's been an eternity since she ate last night. The cat's however have been feasting all night so they just give me the old "I'll let you know if your services are required look."  So, feed the dog, start the coffee and check the news and Facebook feed on my tablet. Another day in Valhalla. 

I say a silent prayer of intention and think about the world. We had a really morally bankrupt world leader who we exchanged for a senile puppet so the home front looks about as screwed up as ever. I see in my Twitter feed that a young lady is running for Congress and I should support her on the basis of her gender, race and my incredible privilege. The thing is she references a staff. I've never had a staff (other than a cool stick I found in the woods) in my life.

Oh well. What does my fixed income 65 year old privileged self know. I think a lot these days about what I know. My conclusion is that I know squat nothing for the most part. I have a dear friend from 1974 that I had a falling out with. I was called an idiot. Well. I do resemble that remark from time to time. I still love my friend. But, I need room to be human so I'm not going to beat myself up much for being an idiot from time to time. Actually. I'm pretty good at it. 

I have another friend that thinks I need Jesus. Only thing is me and Jesus are tight. I just don't see eye to eye on theology and it's been my experience that all religions start out seeking God. Whoever he/she is.I have my own ideas and I don't do religion these days.

Now not doing religion doesn't mean I'm not religious. Religion is knowing exactly what a God wants you to do based on ancient text and hundreds if not thousands of translations and preachers, guru's and organizations putting the Divine in a box and telling you just what you need to be better than the rest of humankind. 

For me being religious. And I am. Means gazing at the night sky and knowing that all that cosmos is created for my spirit. It means meditating and clearing my mind in this temporary part of the journey and breathing in the Divine mind that I can explore and commune with but, never fully comprehend in this short life. Being religious is sometimes understanding that I'm not responsible for saving the world and we all have our own experience of the journey. It means breathing a prayer of thanks when I eat or wake up and a prayer of hold me when I can't keep physically or mentally going.

I don't do politics anymore either. I don't think people really care about electing the best candidates. For some reason conservatives make excuses for being in a state where Medicaid isn't expanded and rural hospitals have to close. Where a baby is loved in the womb but outside? Not so much. Healthcare and shelter and caring for the poor isn't the government's job. Yet making a 10 year old rape victim have a baby is. I hate abortion. But, just blabbing you're pro life But establishing laws and passing legislation that hurts poor people and children isn't pro life.

The liberals are no better in their hypocrisy. Telling children that they are oppressed just because of their skin. Telling other children that they are guilty of oppression just because of the color of their skin. Causing poor people to identify more with rich athletes and politicians than they do with each other. I personally support a woman's right to choose. But framing it as a holy rite of passage as some far left people do makes me sick. I think most people are fine with abortion in the case of rape, incest or danger to the mother. It's the far right that wants to put a seed ahead of a living woman. It's the far left that wants to deny any personhood at all to a life in the womb.

Anyway, that's over my head. I don't think we need laws written based on religion. By the way if your god can be kicked out of anywhere then your god's too small. But, then again if you think the Divine is an angry old sky god then we aren't talking about the source of all being. We are talking about a comic book character. By the way. Thor is my favorite comic god. Cool hammer, blond nordic good looks and the ladies love him.

I mean can you imagine. A land of gorgeous blonde babes and....oh, wait. I'm no longer 15 years old. So, I'll move on. 

I don't have any problem at all with gay people. A lot of religious people tell marriage is of God. Which is funny because many of them are in their 2nd or 3rd or higher go round. Maybe God just needed to practice

Anyway, if your marriage is sacred it's because you and your spouse make it sacred before God. Not because of a civil contract. So if Bob and Joe want to get married it's their business. Not yours, the church or Disney World. 

By the way I don't care what you identify with as long as you aren't forcing children, animals or vulnerable people to follow or interact with you. But, if you can't or don't have the plumbing to have periods or birth children and you cut off your Willy you are not a biological female. Sorry. But that's biology 101. I'll still call you whatever you want me to if you ask politely. That's called being a decent human. 

There's been a lot of talk about UFO's recently. Government cover ups and conspiracy for reptilian entities to take over the planet. I have seen some things in my time that were certainly unidentified flying objects. But that's the thing. Unidentified. I'm not sure what they were. Including one about 10 years ago give or take that still causes me to watch the night sky to the SW of my home. I think I got the direction right. But I'm not a human compass. 

I tell you what I hope UFO's are not. I hope they're not a dry technological version of Star Trek. But, if they are an evolved version of ourselves not only physically but consciously and spiritually that will take us beyond our 5 known senses that would be wonderful. Or if they are completely spiritual or conscious beings or maybe angels and gods of ancient myth who are responsible for seeding life on earth. Getting us ready to see we have more that unites us than the petty greedy squabbles that divide us. Oh well. Just Sunday rambling.

Getting into my 60's and soon enough beyond them God willing has been weird. I see people my age that can run circles around me. But I also see people my age that can't. When I was young a year seemed like a really long time. Now it seems like days. And not very long days at that.

So, enjoy your Sunday and your week. Although that's often a matter of circumstances. I know from experience that finances, health and relationship has everything to do with our "good weeks" 

So peace be upon you. And me. 

Losing my religion

1. This is not an attack on religion.

2 This is not an argument to debate ultimate truth.

3. This is simply my own response to some friends and family who have asked me because I am no longer a biblical literalist what my beliefs are.

I would say that very few people I know care. I don't blame you. This is just my own way of venting on one hand and stating my answer to a question on the other. Also, my faith is very private to me. I don't try to justify it or ask a preacher or an expert what I should believe. I keep my own counsel with God or the ultimate ground of consciousness. 

I was at my cardiologist the other day and I have an issue with a-fib. He said "Well, I'm an expert" on heart valves (I didn't say he was modest but he is good.at what he does.) Anyway, he said that he wanted me to see an expert on a-fib. So, I now have an appointment with an expert. I hope he's a good one. But, the point is this.

I'm not an expert on the bible. But, sometimes new believers try to say that I don't understand scripture and haven't read "God's word," So, let me provide a little of my family background and my exposure to the bible and the faith. I was raised by my maternal grandmother as well as my mother. My grandmother was a devout Church of God of Prophecy Christian. I caught the Cherry Street Baptist Church bus in my youth every week. So, between my grandmother taking me to church and the bus when I was at my mother's house I had a full dose of church. My paternal grandmother was Southern Baptist and I was either being taken to a Holiness church or a baptist church my whole life. 

I was glad when they said unto me. Let us go into the house of the Lord....Walnut Park Baptist Church Vacation Bible School right before the minister led us inside the church.

I was baptised at 12 years old give or take at Cherry Street Baptist. I had grown up being taught that Jesus loves me and that God is kind of angry at mankind but Jesus is the only thing I need to cool the anger of the father. I memorized my first bible verses in my childhood. I read the bible in my youth and have since done it again and have read the Gospels a few times end to end. So, yeah to my friends and family who are new believers. I do know a little about what the bible says.

I prayed most all my life and I still do. Maybe not a theologically correct prayer. Or a scientific approach that would prove anything. But, I still pray. Because it settles me. It helps me gain perspective and makes a seemingly random senseless existence have hope beyond the few short years we have here. But, it's not a one size fits all and I don't really care to defend my own inner life to anyone else. 

So, finally to what my family and friends asked me about what I believe. Well, first off I "Believe absolutely nothing." Belief is not knowing. It's like believing in flying saucers or the primordial soup or neurons in a mass of matter giving rise to consciousness. It's like old mad men in the sky and past lives and life after death. It may or may not be true but there is no way to prove what any of it is. So, I don't believe. 

I do however have my experiences in life. My journey. Here's a quick antidote about experts.  I was reading a psychiatrist once who said he knew scientifically what dreams are. He also stated that he knew for sure the science had shown that dreams were nothing more that random events playing back from the day and had no deep meaning at all. Science had proven this. Well the thing is he wasn't an expert on dreams. He was reading material and translating from his field but had not actually experienced much of anything. Still, he was a scientist and much like preachers claiming to know the "word." he knew his science. 

The only thing was I knew he was full of crap. Not because the bible told me so or a new scientific theory told me so. But, because I had experienced dreams that were precognitive. Meaning that I had dreams about things that actually happened. Now that doesn't happen often. As a matter of fact sometimes I dream of something that doesn't really affect me at all. But, then again I also have some that absolutely affect me. 

I like to talk about one I had several years ago when we lived in Colorado. We had a friend who was a PHD in mathematics and extremely skeptical of all things paranormal. He devoured Scientific American magazine and to call him an agnostic and perhaps even an atheist at that time would be accurate. I think he later dabbled in Buddhism but I'm not sure. Anyway, I had this dream. In the dream I saw a football game and symbols and the next day I told Cindy about it. She was also skeptical but open minded and listened. I told her who would win the upcoming Super Bowl and how they would win it.  She asked me why I would even care and I said I didn't. But, sometimes it's like God cleans out my pipes by giving me information that doesn't concern me but allows me to know that I'm a spiritual being. That we all are. Anyway, the superbowl happened and it was what I said in the dream. Now, yeah I am a football fan. But, I didn't have a bet or a rooting interest in that game except for as a fan watching on TV.  She then went with me to see our friend. I told him about the dream and he was still skeptical. But, when Cindy who he really respected as a fellow intellectual, told him it was true  he had to admit something had happened. He wasn't convinced but he was open minded enough to say he would put it in his mental file to think about. 

My point to all this is that even though a learned "scientist" proved with his authority that dreams couldn't predict the future I knew that he was wrong. Not because science is wrong. It isn't wrong. But, because science like everything else is a tool that we use to get a measurement of something and allow us to work with this world. It's not a being unto itself. 

So, yeah when it comes to heart surgery I listen to the cardiologist. When I need glasses I listen to the opthamologist. When my car breaks down I go to the mechanic. But, when it comes  to the inside. My own being. My own sense of self I go to the one place that I have always been able to get clarity and peace. I go inside. I listen for the stillness and I ask for dreams and life to make sense of who I am. It works for me. 

The thing is if religion works for you then I don't have a problem with that.. My problem with you is if you try to judge me by your experience as if my own being were something you have access to and the right to judge. You don't. Now, finally I'm going to go over why I don't believe in religion. This next part is a little sarcastic at times. So, if you love me or like me or tolerate me and you don't really want to get mad at me then stop now. Just know that if you are an atheist or a born again Christian then you are more than likely the same thing to me. Two sides of the same coin. One size fits all. At least that's what it feels like when I hear Atheist or Christian explaining why I should believe or not believe the same things they do. Also, I have a past life memory from childhood and I have always felt that I had a tribe that I wasn't really a part of in this lifetime. Still, who knows? I could be wrong. I'm pretty sure that I don't have the whole picture.

Religion:

I once had a job where I worked at Popeyes Fried Chicken. I worked over a vat of hot grease. This grease was so hot that we had a pile of flour that we used when we would get a splatter of grease on us. It was so hot that we would grab that flour and immediately put it on the tiny spot of grease to absorb it and keep our skin from burning. So, one day I'm working over this hot vat of grease and thinking about my middle school years. There was a certain bully there. Back then teachers and others were not politically correct so you either punched your bully out or got punched out. Or suffered in silence. Nobody cared and nobody was going to make your bully have sensitivity training. Anyway, I thought about  how mean this kid was to me in school. Horrible. Made my young life a living hell. But, I thought about how hot this grease was. I thought as much as I despised that kid I wouldn't subject him to this grease. I wouldn't take the tip of his little finger and place it near that heat. That would be the cruelest thing  in the world to do to another creature. And thank God I wasn't that evil or vengeful.

Yet my Christian friends actually said that this god who loves us would cast us into fire hotter than that for eternity just because we don't recite John 3:16. And yet Jesus himself said God is love and love never fails. Letting someone burn for eternity in troment would mean that love fails. It would also mean that I have more love than a god who would let people be in torment for eternity. You can run to your preacher and listen to the crap about how a loving god told Israel to dash the children against the rocks. You can  make all the excuses you want to make but you can't honestly make it right. 

Folks the bible is a series of myths, truths, politics and legend. I have found great comfort in the scripture. But, it's not a single book. It's a series of writings that span 6000 years or more. The bible you have was given to you by Rome. I know that's not convenient but it's true. Your preacher who went to an evangelical seminary has little to no understanding of ancient Hebrew or Greek or Middle Eastern Culture. They are preaching on gay rights and abortion and loving the American flag from ignorance. and have no clue as to what was going on when the actual events that led to the writing's happened. So go ahead and judge yourself and attend your church. But, no I don't need to prove to you I'm going to heaven and I'm not afraid of your ignorance or your judgement. I wake up in my own skin everyday and I have reason to think that God whoever and whatever he/she is will love me no matter what. I don't know what happens when we die. But, reality is bigger than pits of fire and streets of gold. 

I do believe in good and evil. I don't think you can kill people and hurt people and march into heaven. But, I don't think you can recite John 3:16 on your deathbed and have it all go away either. I know that we will all meet our maker in our own selves and that Love never fails. In the end I know that love will reconcile all things unto itself. But, until then we are all on our own journey. God isn't a man that you can kick out of a building or a nation. God doesn't care anymore about the American flag that the Russian flag or any other national flag. 

One more reason that I don't think religion makes any sense. 

You have this sky god. He creates this being and puts him and her in the flesh. Takes all memory of heaven and spirit away from them. Gets mad at them for being what he created them to be. Then he turns to an archAngel named Lucifer Son of the Morning Star. The most perfect and intelligent and wisest of all the heavenly host. Then he gets mad at Lucifer for being power hungry and calls him Satan and throws him out of heaven right into the midst of these lowly creatures. So, then this sky god says to Satan. I created you perfect from the day you were made. You see those little naked apes called humans running around down there with you? I know you hate them. So here's the deal. If you can fool them into "sinning" then I will burn them up in a fire for ever and ever. Even though they don't know where they come from or who they really are. Now, here's another trick. I have a son who I dearly love. I love him more than you or any other creature or creation I've ever made. But, I'm so full of love for these humans that I'm going to send him down there and torture him. But, wait there's more. Since I detest human kind and I can't bare to look at them I will let you kill my beloved son in one of the worst ways imaginable and when I see his slaughtered body and smell his blood and if the humans recite the magic words then I will let them into heaven. If not then no matter how good and loving they are I will burn them forever and ever. 

Makes sense? Not hardly. So, if you want to follow old dietary laws from the old testament and put god in a box then go ahead. But, this is  part of why I don't play that.