Stuck in the middle

 Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I've got the feeling that something ain't right...Stealers Wheel.

So there I was a boomer on the interwebs. I made the mistake of saying skin color was a stupid way for humanity to hate each other over. OMG! I was all of a sudden a racist, a colonizer and a white person that should just shut up! Accused of sodomizing my cartoon profile Snoopy to causing genocide since Jesus was a baby. 

I'm so scared I guess I'll fall off my chair. And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs...Stealers Wheel

So there I was. A boomer surfing the World Wide Webs. I simply said that any man who had oppressed women and made fun of the handicapped wasn't fit to be President and certainly wasn't Christ like. OMG! I was all of a sudden an anti Christian limp wristed America hating sob. I probably had sex with my sister (man, left and right y'all sure do have some strange sexual kinks) and I obviously thought Joe Biden was the equal of St. John and Obama was Jesus. Man. Left and right y'all sure do have some odd religious hang ups.

Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right here I am. Stuck in the middle with you...Stealers Wheel

So there I am. A beat up boomer daring to engage the World Wide interweb of knowledge again. I said I thought that everybody has a right to be who they are. Man or woman if you ask me nicely to call you a he or she then I will. But, in my humble opinion you can't magically be an honest to God woman if you never had a period and don't have a womb. But, if in your heart you feel you have the soul of a woman I can respect that and will acknowledge your inner female. OMG! All of a sudden i'm a Neanderthal that hates science (although science says what I said) wants to see the World burn in global warming and more than likely wants to install Nazi Germany type hate in the US government.

And I'm stuck in the middle with you. And I'm wondering what it is I should do. It's so hard to keep this smile off my face losing control yeah, I'm all over the place...Stealers Wheel.

So. There I am. A beat up boomer with internet induced ptsd. I have always felt that we are born to be who we are. Gay people have a perfect right to marry. Marriage is a civil contract. The bible isn't a single book and governing a nation based on 6000 year old Jewish dietary laws and hundreds of translations overseen by men in Rome wearing pope hats is not a good idea. OMG! I'm all of a sudden a sodomite who probably doesn't love dear President Trump and secretly hates America and Jesus and doesn't have a Franklin Graham gold star for supporting wiping out heathen aboriginal pagan practices in the name of good old American evangelism. 

Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right Here I am. Stuck in the middle with you. When you started out with nothing And you're proud that you're a self made man. And your friends they all come crawling. Slap you on the back and say 

Please

Please...Steelers Wheel

So there I am. A confused Jesus following none judging everybody in the pool social media interweb surfing boomer. When I happen to see a billionaire black man who plays a sport that takes advantage of slave labor in China. So he says it's hard to be a black man in America. I simply point out that it's hard to be poor anyplace but if you have enough green in your pocket you're good. OMG! All of a sudden there are 25 year old upper middle class black kids and white social justice warriors telling me that I should just quit talking. Because my little 65 year old white privileged butt that comes from the foothills of Appalachia in North Alabama whose granddaddy was a coal miner couldn't possibly understand the hardship of struggle.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I got the feeling that something ain't right. I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair. And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs...Steelers Wheel

So there I am. A worn out shell shocked boomer with a big mouth surfing the highways and byways of the world wide net. I happen to say that although I hate abortion that if men could get pregnant you would be able to get an abortion from a vending machine. Also we should expand Medicaid and do some of that Jesus stuff like providing food and shelter and treating people the way we want to be treated. OMG! Not only did I want to give money and food to deadbeats but I was a baby killing Satanist who wanted to make the US into a communist nation and burn down all the churches and probably  wasn't very good at football.But I said I didn't like the way the left acted like abortion was a holy rite of passage for women and I didn't like the right forcing rape victims and children to have babies. OMG! I'm no longer welcome at the big tent of the Democrats or the holy church of the GOP! I'm now a racist, anti black white hating homophobe,gay loving, religious fanatic,Jesus hating left wing far right conservative liberal scum bag.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you...Steelers Wheel.

So there I am. A shell shocked tattered Southern male boomer. I'm going out to the mailbox to get my monthly white privilege check. Then I'm going to my godless atheist America hating meeting. But, first I have to stop by my church to pick up my sister wife and plot the overthrow of all the free world and impose Fox News as the official truth teller of the nation. As soon as I stop by the home office of MSNBC and make sure my version of facts is universally acknowledged.

Peace!

Rambling!

 Sunday morning and the sun is shining. Gonna be a hot one but, then again it's July in Alabama. My dog is surely going to starve if I don't get her breakfast right now! It's been an eternity since she ate last night. The cat's however have been feasting all night so they just give me the old "I'll let you know if your services are required look."  So, feed the dog, start the coffee and check the news and Facebook feed on my tablet. Another day in Valhalla. 

I say a silent prayer of intention and think about the world. We had a really morally bankrupt world leader who we exchanged for a senile puppet so the home front looks about as screwed up as ever. I see in my Twitter feed that a young lady is running for Congress and I should support her on the basis of her gender, race and my incredible privilege. The thing is she references a staff. I've never had a staff (other than a cool stick I found in the woods) in my life.

Oh well. What does my fixed income 65 year old privileged self know. I think a lot these days about what I know. My conclusion is that I know squat nothing for the most part. I have a dear friend from 1974 that I had a falling out with. I was called an idiot. Well. I do resemble that remark from time to time. I still love my friend. But, I need room to be human so I'm not going to beat myself up much for being an idiot from time to time. Actually. I'm pretty good at it. 

I have another friend that thinks I need Jesus. Only thing is me and Jesus are tight. I just don't see eye to eye on theology and it's been my experience that all religions start out seeking God. Whoever he/she is.I have my own ideas and I don't do religion these days.

Now not doing religion doesn't mean I'm not religious. Religion is knowing exactly what a God wants you to do based on ancient text and hundreds if not thousands of translations and preachers, guru's and organizations putting the Divine in a box and telling you just what you need to be better than the rest of humankind. 

For me being religious. And I am. Means gazing at the night sky and knowing that all that cosmos is created for my spirit. It means meditating and clearing my mind in this temporary part of the journey and breathing in the Divine mind that I can explore and commune with but, never fully comprehend in this short life. Being religious is sometimes understanding that I'm not responsible for saving the world and we all have our own experience of the journey. It means breathing a prayer of thanks when I eat or wake up and a prayer of hold me when I can't keep physically or mentally going.

I don't do politics anymore either. I don't think people really care about electing the best candidates. For some reason conservatives make excuses for being in a state where Medicaid isn't expanded and rural hospitals have to close. Where a baby is loved in the womb but outside? Not so much. Healthcare and shelter and caring for the poor isn't the government's job. Yet making a 10 year old rape victim have a baby is. I hate abortion. But, just blabbing you're pro life But establishing laws and passing legislation that hurts poor people and children isn't pro life.

The liberals are no better in their hypocrisy. Telling children that they are oppressed just because of their skin. Telling other children that they are guilty of oppression just because of the color of their skin. Causing poor people to identify more with rich athletes and politicians than they do with each other. I personally support a woman's right to choose. But framing it as a holy rite of passage as some far left people do makes me sick. I think most people are fine with abortion in the case of rape, incest or danger to the mother. It's the far right that wants to put a seed ahead of a living woman. It's the far left that wants to deny any personhood at all to a life in the womb.

Anyway, that's over my head. I don't think we need laws written based on religion. By the way if your god can be kicked out of anywhere then your god's too small. But, then again if you think the Divine is an angry old sky god then we aren't talking about the source of all being. We are talking about a comic book character. By the way. Thor is my favorite comic god. Cool hammer, blond nordic good looks and the ladies love him.

I mean can you imagine. A land of gorgeous blonde babes and....oh, wait. I'm no longer 15 years old. So, I'll move on. 

I don't have any problem at all with gay people. A lot of religious people tell marriage is of God. Which is funny because many of them are in their 2nd or 3rd or higher go round. Maybe God just needed to practice

Anyway, if your marriage is sacred it's because you and your spouse make it sacred before God. Not because of a civil contract. So if Bob and Joe want to get married it's their business. Not yours, the church or Disney World. 

By the way I don't care what you identify with as long as you aren't forcing children, animals or vulnerable people to follow or interact with you. But, if you can't or don't have the plumbing to have periods or birth children and you cut off your Willy you are not a biological female. Sorry. But that's biology 101. I'll still call you whatever you want me to if you ask politely. That's called being a decent human. 

There's been a lot of talk about UFO's recently. Government cover ups and conspiracy for reptilian entities to take over the planet. I have seen some things in my time that were certainly unidentified flying objects. But that's the thing. Unidentified. I'm not sure what they were. Including one about 10 years ago give or take that still causes me to watch the night sky to the SW of my home. I think I got the direction right. But I'm not a human compass. 

I tell you what I hope UFO's are not. I hope they're not a dry technological version of Star Trek. But, if they are an evolved version of ourselves not only physically but consciously and spiritually that will take us beyond our 5 known senses that would be wonderful. Or if they are completely spiritual or conscious beings or maybe angels and gods of ancient myth who are responsible for seeding life on earth. Getting us ready to see we have more that unites us than the petty greedy squabbles that divide us. Oh well. Just Sunday rambling.

Getting into my 60's and soon enough beyond them God willing has been weird. I see people my age that can run circles around me. But I also see people my age that can't. When I was young a year seemed like a really long time. Now it seems like days. And not very long days at that.

So, enjoy your Sunday and your week. Although that's often a matter of circumstances. I know from experience that finances, health and relationship has everything to do with our "good weeks" 

So peace be upon you. And me. 

Losing my religion

1. This is not an attack on religion.

2 This is not an argument to debate ultimate truth.

3. This is simply my own response to some friends and family who have asked me because I am no longer a biblical literalist what my beliefs are.

I would say that very few people I know care. I don't blame you. This is just my own way of venting on one hand and stating my answer to a question on the other. Also, my faith is very private to me. I don't try to justify it or ask a preacher or an expert what I should believe. I keep my own counsel with God or the ultimate ground of consciousness. 

I was at my cardiologist the other day and I have an issue with a-fib. He said "Well, I'm an expert" on heart valves (I didn't say he was modest but he is good.at what he does.) Anyway, he said that he wanted me to see an expert on a-fib. So, I now have an appointment with an expert. I hope he's a good one. But, the point is this.

I'm not an expert on the bible. But, sometimes new believers try to say that I don't understand scripture and haven't read "God's word," So, let me provide a little of my family background and my exposure to the bible and the faith. I was raised by my maternal grandmother as well as my mother. My grandmother was a devout Church of God of Prophecy Christian. I caught the Cherry Street Baptist Church bus in my youth every week. So, between my grandmother taking me to church and the bus when I was at my mother's house I had a full dose of church. My paternal grandmother was Southern Baptist and I was either being taken to a Holiness church or a baptist church my whole life. 

I was glad when they said unto me. Let us go into the house of the Lord....Walnut Park Baptist Church Vacation Bible School right before the minister led us inside the church.

I was baptised at 12 years old give or take at Cherry Street Baptist. I had grown up being taught that Jesus loves me and that God is kind of angry at mankind but Jesus is the only thing I need to cool the anger of the father. I memorized my first bible verses in my childhood. I read the bible in my youth and have since done it again and have read the Gospels a few times end to end. So, yeah to my friends and family who are new believers. I do know a little about what the bible says.

I prayed most all my life and I still do. Maybe not a theologically correct prayer. Or a scientific approach that would prove anything. But, I still pray. Because it settles me. It helps me gain perspective and makes a seemingly random senseless existence have hope beyond the few short years we have here. But, it's not a one size fits all and I don't really care to defend my own inner life to anyone else. 

So, finally to what my family and friends asked me about what I believe. Well, first off I "Believe absolutely nothing." Belief is not knowing. It's like believing in flying saucers or the primordial soup or neurons in a mass of matter giving rise to consciousness. It's like old mad men in the sky and past lives and life after death. It may or may not be true but there is no way to prove what any of it is. So, I don't believe. 

I do however have my experiences in life. My journey. Here's a quick antidote about experts.  I was reading a psychiatrist once who said he knew scientifically what dreams are. He also stated that he knew for sure the science had shown that dreams were nothing more that random events playing back from the day and had no deep meaning at all. Science had proven this. Well the thing is he wasn't an expert on dreams. He was reading material and translating from his field but had not actually experienced much of anything. Still, he was a scientist and much like preachers claiming to know the "word." he knew his science. 

The only thing was I knew he was full of crap. Not because the bible told me so or a new scientific theory told me so. But, because I had experienced dreams that were precognitive. Meaning that I had dreams about things that actually happened. Now that doesn't happen often. As a matter of fact sometimes I dream of something that doesn't really affect me at all. But, then again I also have some that absolutely affect me. 

I like to talk about one I had several years ago when we lived in Colorado. We had a friend who was a PHD in mathematics and extremely skeptical of all things paranormal. He devoured Scientific American magazine and to call him an agnostic and perhaps even an atheist at that time would be accurate. I think he later dabbled in Buddhism but I'm not sure. Anyway, I had this dream. In the dream I saw a football game and symbols and the next day I told Cindy about it. She was also skeptical but open minded and listened. I told her who would win the upcoming Super Bowl and how they would win it.  She asked me why I would even care and I said I didn't. But, sometimes it's like God cleans out my pipes by giving me information that doesn't concern me but allows me to know that I'm a spiritual being. That we all are. Anyway, the superbowl happened and it was what I said in the dream. Now, yeah I am a football fan. But, I didn't have a bet or a rooting interest in that game except for as a fan watching on TV.  She then went with me to see our friend. I told him about the dream and he was still skeptical. But, when Cindy who he really respected as a fellow intellectual, told him it was true  he had to admit something had happened. He wasn't convinced but he was open minded enough to say he would put it in his mental file to think about. 

My point to all this is that even though a learned "scientist" proved with his authority that dreams couldn't predict the future I knew that he was wrong. Not because science is wrong. It isn't wrong. But, because science like everything else is a tool that we use to get a measurement of something and allow us to work with this world. It's not a being unto itself. 

So, yeah when it comes to heart surgery I listen to the cardiologist. When I need glasses I listen to the opthamologist. When my car breaks down I go to the mechanic. But, when it comes  to the inside. My own being. My own sense of self I go to the one place that I have always been able to get clarity and peace. I go inside. I listen for the stillness and I ask for dreams and life to make sense of who I am. It works for me. 

The thing is if religion works for you then I don't have a problem with that.. My problem with you is if you try to judge me by your experience as if my own being were something you have access to and the right to judge. You don't. Now, finally I'm going to go over why I don't believe in religion. This next part is a little sarcastic at times. So, if you love me or like me or tolerate me and you don't really want to get mad at me then stop now. Just know that if you are an atheist or a born again Christian then you are more than likely the same thing to me. Two sides of the same coin. One size fits all. At least that's what it feels like when I hear Atheist or Christian explaining why I should believe or not believe the same things they do. Also, I have a past life memory from childhood and I have always felt that I had a tribe that I wasn't really a part of in this lifetime. Still, who knows? I could be wrong. I'm pretty sure that I don't have the whole picture.

Religion:

I once had a job where I worked at Popeyes Fried Chicken. I worked over a vat of hot grease. This grease was so hot that we had a pile of flour that we used when we would get a splatter of grease on us. It was so hot that we would grab that flour and immediately put it on the tiny spot of grease to absorb it and keep our skin from burning. So, one day I'm working over this hot vat of grease and thinking about my middle school years. There was a certain bully there. Back then teachers and others were not politically correct so you either punched your bully out or got punched out. Or suffered in silence. Nobody cared and nobody was going to make your bully have sensitivity training. Anyway, I thought about  how mean this kid was to me in school. Horrible. Made my young life a living hell. But, I thought about how hot this grease was. I thought as much as I despised that kid I wouldn't subject him to this grease. I wouldn't take the tip of his little finger and place it near that heat. That would be the cruelest thing  in the world to do to another creature. And thank God I wasn't that evil or vengeful.

Yet my Christian friends actually said that this god who loves us would cast us into fire hotter than that for eternity just because we don't recite John 3:16. And yet Jesus himself said God is love and love never fails. Letting someone burn for eternity in troment would mean that love fails. It would also mean that I have more love than a god who would let people be in torment for eternity. You can run to your preacher and listen to the crap about how a loving god told Israel to dash the children against the rocks. You can  make all the excuses you want to make but you can't honestly make it right. 

Folks the bible is a series of myths, truths, politics and legend. I have found great comfort in the scripture. But, it's not a single book. It's a series of writings that span 6000 years or more. The bible you have was given to you by Rome. I know that's not convenient but it's true. Your preacher who went to an evangelical seminary has little to no understanding of ancient Hebrew or Greek or Middle Eastern Culture. They are preaching on gay rights and abortion and loving the American flag from ignorance. and have no clue as to what was going on when the actual events that led to the writing's happened. So go ahead and judge yourself and attend your church. But, no I don't need to prove to you I'm going to heaven and I'm not afraid of your ignorance or your judgement. I wake up in my own skin everyday and I have reason to think that God whoever and whatever he/she is will love me no matter what. I don't know what happens when we die. But, reality is bigger than pits of fire and streets of gold. 

I do believe in good and evil. I don't think you can kill people and hurt people and march into heaven. But, I don't think you can recite John 3:16 on your deathbed and have it all go away either. I know that we will all meet our maker in our own selves and that Love never fails. In the end I know that love will reconcile all things unto itself. But, until then we are all on our own journey. God isn't a man that you can kick out of a building or a nation. God doesn't care anymore about the American flag that the Russian flag or any other national flag. 

One more reason that I don't think religion makes any sense. 

You have this sky god. He creates this being and puts him and her in the flesh. Takes all memory of heaven and spirit away from them. Gets mad at them for being what he created them to be. Then he turns to an archAngel named Lucifer Son of the Morning Star. The most perfect and intelligent and wisest of all the heavenly host. Then he gets mad at Lucifer for being power hungry and calls him Satan and throws him out of heaven right into the midst of these lowly creatures. So, then this sky god says to Satan. I created you perfect from the day you were made. You see those little naked apes called humans running around down there with you? I know you hate them. So here's the deal. If you can fool them into "sinning" then I will burn them up in a fire for ever and ever. Even though they don't know where they come from or who they really are. Now, here's another trick. I have a son who I dearly love. I love him more than you or any other creature or creation I've ever made. But, I'm so full of love for these humans that I'm going to send him down there and torture him. But, wait there's more. Since I detest human kind and I can't bare to look at them I will let you kill my beloved son in one of the worst ways imaginable and when I see his slaughtered body and smell his blood and if the humans recite the magic words then I will let them into heaven. If not then no matter how good and loving they are I will burn them forever and ever. 

Makes sense? Not hardly. So, if you want to follow old dietary laws from the old testament and put god in a box then go ahead. But, this is  part of why I don't play that.