The past.

 Be here now. I hear that a lot. The past is gone and all we have is today. When the devil brings up my past God reminds me of my future. We have only this moment. I'm a different person now. These are all well and good. I don't have a problem with living right now. 

But, my past is entwined with who I am. Where I've been has molded me and taught me and has left scars that I carry with me to where I am now and where I'm going. I don't want to forget my past. I learned from it.

 As a matter of fact I love that little long haired lost teenager more now than I did then. That's because I understand him better now. 

I'm still the same person that has always looked out of these eyes. I'm more experienced now. I have more inner tools to deal with life now. I react with a little more calm and a little more reason and wisdom now. But, I'm still here. 

I miss the people I used to take for granted. I'm sorry it took me so long to wake up. But, it's part of who I am. I think about my past a lot. I no longer run from it.

 I won't go into the details now. But, when I hear some upper class millennial running their mouth about old white men and privilege I always think: ya know if you had of lived my "privilege" you would most likely be curled up in the corner sucking your thumb and waiting for death or insanity to take you. Don't Ever judge me on my skin color. You don't know where I've been or the dark hole I've climbed out of.

That being said I am thankful for every breath I draw. Not because I think when I die I'll be obliterated. I don't. Not because I believe an angry old man in the sky will condemn me. I don't. But, because every breath here is a gift and it will be a part of my past in an infinite journey.

I don't regret my past these day's. How much did I used to regret it? Well when I first got a job in my home County and was finally doing well I once heard someone behind me calling my name. 

But, I was so scarred from my past that I didn't look back. Not because I didn't hear them and not because I was a jerk. But, because I didn't want to hear from my past. That voice was from the past. I've always regretted that because whoever it was they were trying to greet me. I was being a jerk. I wasn't trying to be. But, in my headlong running from My past I was being a jerk.

So I no longer run from my past. I don't live in it. But I take the good and the hope of it and treasure it. I don't forget where I come from. 

The only way back is forward...Dean Koontz

I feel that if I keep going forward the circle of life will bring me back around to my eternal tribe. So I keep going because somewhere my past, present and future will meet and I'll know myself for the first time. Again.

I'm a bit of a baseball history buff. I can't tell you the 2021 All-star team. But, I can tell you the 1971 pitching staff of the Baltimore Orioles and I'm an Atlanta Braves fan. But baseball has an old cliche after hitting a homerun. "Touch em all." that means when you round those bases you touch every base even though you have a free pass home. You can't skip first just because your heading home. 

That's how I feel about the past these days. As I pass the years towards home I want to touch em all. Past, present, future and Home!

I started this particular blog after playing my guitar. That happens sometimes. When I pick it up and strike that first chord my life passes before me. I'm 6 years old listening to my mother sing country music. Then I'm 13 listening to Badfinger and looking at a girl in my Jr. High gym. Then I'm 19 stoned and cranking up Foghat in the late 70's. Then I'm 42 and playing Vinyard worship songs and then I'm 64 and trying to croak out the lyrics to my old favorite Southern Rock songs.

But, I'm touching em all. 

Peace

Podcasts, youtube and me.

I often screw up and try to discuss religion or politics with my family and old friend's. Not a good idea in the age of Facebook snappy comebacks and emojis. But, once in a while I like to discuss issues of interest in certain Facebook groups. One thing I've always done as a young person that I don't do in my later years is haunt libraries. The Gadsden Public Library staff used to go ahead and put the newest Stephen King novel on hold for me because they knew I was coming. 😉 I also stayed in the stacks devouring books about God, science, reincarnation, life after death and UFO's.

But, most folks these day's don't have time and neither do i to read every book or watch every YouTube video on a subject. But, while doing chores and exercising I enjoy listening to YouTube podcasts. So, I thought I would blog about my top 3. These are the 3 that if I were beamed aboard a UFO and had to show where some of my later life worldview came from I could probably find at least some discussion of it. 

So here are the top 3 podcasts I would recommend if you're looking for deep thought and serious dialog on things your Very Christian Mother or Very Atheistic college professor won't discuss with you. ✌

1. Jeffery Mislove "New Thinking Allowed." From reincarnation to a professor of a major university to Simulation Theory to Mind at Large.From priest to doctor and psychedelic use for enlightenment. This is an excellent podcast. Jeffery Mislove has been at this since the early 70's and is the only (as far as I know) Person ever awarded a PHD in parapsychology from an accredited university. I believe it was The University of California/Berkley but I could be wrong.

2. "Buddha at the Gas Pump" by Rick Archer. In depth interviews with people traveling the spiritual path. From Christianity in the Thomas Merton mystical tradition to Eastern though such as Buddhism, Hinduism and students and teachers and researchers along the path. From reincarnation as Eastern philosophy to Western university and clinical studies. Lots of normal people just sharing their journey. Not for everyone and often I find some of it tedious. But, real diamonds in the mix. 

3. "Theories of Everything" with Kurt Jaimungal. 

Last but probably the best. Very in depth interviews with thinkers, scientists, UFO researchers, Materialistic scientists, Life after death, Consciousness, atheism, personalities and mystics. These are often 2 to 3 and 4 hour multi part interviews. 

Now I have no guru and no religion or authority to sell you. My journey is on going and while I do have my own worldview it is just that. My worldview. Not something I demand that you believe in order to please my version of God or science or reality. 

But, if you like to dip in and out of the latest thoughts and thinkers. If you wonder if there is anybody talking about things you believe in or are interested in beyond people screaming at you on Facebook. Then here are my top 3 podcasts to get started. 

For now. My journey and my opinions are not changing with the wind. But they are open to change.

Peace! ✌

Spooky Season

 No live organism can continue for long to exist safely under conditions of absolute reality....The Haunting of Hill House. "Shirley Jackson"

I love Halloween and haunted houses. My favorite movie is based on the Shirley Jackson novel "The Haunting of Hill House." 1963 version. There is a 1990's remake I believe but you can safely skip that one. Back when I was a little kid I was watching this black and white movie on TV. 

Even larks and Katydids are supposed by some to dream. ..Shirley Jackson

Lost in my own childish daydreams I didn't realize my mother had walked out of the room. All of a sudden I notice some spooky music coming from the TV.

Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against it's hills, holding darkness within...Shirley Jackson

In Spooky  black and white I see an adult lady talking to statues and pretending to dance in some garden or court of an old house. But, OMG! That statue moved and she's thinking and her thoughts are loud and scared and 😱

It had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more...Shirley Jackson

I looked around. Where did mother go? I think the smart thing to do now is run out of the den. But, I'd have to run right past the TV. Better to wait for the next commercial.

Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, and whatever walked there. Walked alone...The Haunting of Hill House "Shirley Jackson."

But, that commercial break couldn't break the spell. I stayed and cringed and was scared of every sound and every creak. I saw staircases where a governess hung herself. An old lady who first came to the house as a newborn but grew old and died banging her cane on the walls.

Two young women participating in a psychic experiment over a weekend at the house. Hearing banging on the wall. The one from the statue moving in the garden thinking in her head "why are you squeezing my hand also hard?"  Finally yelling out loud for her roommate to "Let Go Of My Hand" then it's gone and she hears the roommates voice clear across the room in the dark. "I've not been holding your hand!" 😰😱

Then you hear the lady talking in her own head again "Oh God. God. What was holding my hand? 😰😧

My little boy self was terrified. I never forgot that movie. Many years later I bought it on DVD. Restored and remastered and it still works! Glorious and scary. Black and white and paranoid. 

Horror movie buffs have often wondered and debated if the ghosts were real or psychological. Shirley Jackson passed at the young age of 48. But, a writer on the movie said he had always thought they were psychological. 

So he asked Shirley Jackson back then if the ghosts were supposed to be real. She said "they are real."

My 8 year old self could have told him that. 👻

Happy Halloween Season! 🎃👻

Life, death and other boxes.

 I learned the truth at seventeen. That love was meant for beauty queens...Janis Ian

i know you were not born into perfection and I'm sorry that you had to go through what you did. It's hard and life isn't always fair. Being born with any condition less than perfection isn't always fair. It changed the trajectory of your life. It changed a lot of things but you still lived a life. And anything you came here with. You didn't lose. Your being. Your self. Your "I Am." No power. No entity in heaven or earth or the cosmos could take that from you. Nothing could suck your soul out of your being or steal it out of your pocket.

As a matter of fact there is no ruler of darkness trying or able to take your being. There may be forces psychological or spiritual causing you great fear. But, this is the dream. Not your being and not your consciousness. This life is the dream. Persistent, horrible, hopeful and tragically wonderful.

You're a part of everything and nothing that exists could work without you. So whatever the reason is for you being here. Whatever way and circumstance your birth or entry point was. You have purpose. You have reason. 

The above is a part of how I imagined a conversation with God might have gone if I could have listened in my troubled youth.

I think a lot about what the world is. What it's about. I was talking To my oldest friend. I mentioned something about my worldview. But, I kept it light hearted. Because when you're born and raised in Alabama. Not only Alabama but certainly in the South there is a certain mind set and tradition that you're born into.  Being from Alabama you have that Southern Baptist theology. Whether you're Baptist, Methodist, Church of God, Pentecostal or any other flavor of Bible belt theology. 

I imagine it's like being Catholic if you're from the Northeast. You may not be a Catholic but you have been around Catholic schools, theology and it's part of the fabric. Or maybe you're Jewish. Or if you're from Afghanistan or Iraq then you're more than likely Muslim. You might be devout or you might not be. But, by birth and cultural tradition you identify.

If you're born to a materialistic or secular humanist family  then perhaps any religion or spiritual belief is b.s. to you. Maybe you have made an uneasy alliance with total obliteration and still manage to convince yourself that your existence means something. And maybe it does. Whatever you can dance to and find your rhythm I can respect you on a personal level.

Even though I sincerely can't find hope in the sterile worldview of Bill Nye the Science Guy. I can understand not buying the angry big daddy in the sky that creates humans and then gets pissed at them for being human. And loves them as long as they say the magic words otherwise he will quite literally allow them to be tormented and tortured in fire forever. 

Or Jesus as the long suffering servant who the father loved so much that he had him tortured and murdered Just for you. He's coming back and he's pissed.

So much of our worldview comes as cultural and authoritarian interaction from our youth and society. 

So my oldest friend. While he can accept bodies knitting back together and coming out of tombs and Virgin births. Or at least give lip service to it. It's just our theological cultural tradition. Matter of fact he likely "believes" that on some level. 

I have another friend in Colorado that didn't believe in any spiritual reality. We were talking one day and he said that the universe was expanding. I asked what was it expanding into and if it was expanding into something then something must already exist. I pointed out that if I moved through space or expanded through space there had to at least be space. He got really angry and changed the subject. But, he really respected Cindy's intellect and one night I had a dream. The next day I told her of the outcome of a coming event. It didn't concern us. It was a pro football game. But, I had dreams in the past that were pre cognitive and this felt like that. It happened and later she related this to my friend. It didn't fit his worldview but he did say he would put it away and think about it later. The point being that atheists don't like to think any harder than religious people do about things that challenge their view of reality.

So when I come along and say I think consciousness is eternal and everything comes from consciousness awareness my old friends might say "what are you. A space cadet?" I mean a meaningless purpose less universe from nothing but dead matter? Sure. That's science(it isn't. But, that's another argument.) Angry God and eternal fire and talking snakes? Sure. That's God's love.  (It isn't) 

But the only thing we know for sure is we are conscious. Whatever that is. 

I've learned to hide my interest in ufo's. Little green men. Hardy, har, har. But, the religious silliness and atheistic depression? Sure. Pick a lane. But, if you think the universe is full of consciousness and life then you better keep it to yourself. 

You're born into a box and you have to choose which box. You have to put God in a box. The universe in a box. Science in a box. Don't you dare get out of the box or decide that boxes aren't always needed.

I also met (on facebook) a millennial author who is also from Alabama. He also decided the religious dogma was b.s. but he decided he was a devout atheist. He enjoys attacking faith. He's smart but as Jerry Clower  (Google this great Southern comedian) if you don't know who he is. But, as Jerry said "This guy is educated way above his intelligence." The millennial author made the silly statement that there was absolutely no evidence to suggest that consciousness was real apart from the human brain. Now you can be religious or atheist. I really don't care. But, when you stupidly deny hope for me then I get irritated. There are decades of research into ESP, Remote viewing, verification evidence of non local knowing apart from the brain. Children remembering past life's. Google The University of Virginia Department of Perceptual Studies and Doctor Jim Tucker. You might not come away convinced. I'm not convinced myself. I keep a healthy skeptical open mind. But to say absolutely no evidence is just lying at worst and ignorance at best.

As a matter of fact Jessica Utts who is a well regarded statistics professor stated that by any other scientific standard ESP would have already been proven. But materialism can't admit it. 

I know it sounds like as a person raised Christian that I'm bashing the faith. I don't mean to. I call myself a Jesus Follower. Because I relate to the one who said feed the hungry and clothe the poor. He didn't say drug test them first. He Said or at least the parable of the Good Samaritan says bind up the wounded and treat the stranger as brother or sister.

When you take away the dogma of Rome such as virgin births and realize the local preacher spouting fire and brimstone doesn't know much if anything about biblical history. The culture, society or original Greek, Aramaic or Hebrew the scriptures were written in. That they don't understand that the church of Rome decided what was god breathed in theology. Then you realize that their religious fanaticism doesn't really make sense.

For me. The incarnation no longer means an angry old man in the sky full of blood lust who created a child and called its birth a sin. Who would consign creatures to eternal fire or oblivion. Who would leave any creature in torment for eternity and call it love. 

Some evangelical folks don't realise that falling on your face and constantly telling a meglo  maniac on a throne how wonderful he is while calling yourself an unworthy worm isn't much of a heaven. So trying to frighten people by telling them they won't be able to spend eternity with people like that isn't as much of a threat as they think it is.

The incarnation to me is the eternal consciousness or love from which everything springs. loving me and all creatures and creation enough to come here and be a part of our journey. A hero might run into a house to pull you out but, only if he can. otherwise he leaves. But, love runs into the burning house. And seeing that he/she can't pull their loved one out. Then love sits down beside the victim and decides that it won't leave even at the cost of physical precious life.  That's Jesus to me. That's why I'm not a Christian. I'm A Jesus Follower. And on the final breath I might find that my perception of God or universe or Goddess isn't exactly correct. As a matter of fact I know it's not. But, Love never fails. I'm not being arrogant when I say. I'm not wrong about that.

Peace!

Echo chambers and balance

 

I've thought a lot about my nation and the state of the world.  I can only read the history I have available about the civil war or the founding of our country and the revolutionary war. Same for the world wars. I lived through Vietnam but I was young and the draft ended before I was old enough to be drafted. Not much before. But, still before. 

That being said as a 60 plus year old man I can honestly state. I have never seen the country or the world for that matter in pockets and echo chamber's as angry, divided and self righteous  as today. Of course back in the olden days of 1976 😱 we didn't have the interweb's and the social media we do today. Now day's if I post something in Alabama it is immediately available to the entire planet. Not that the planet cares. Just that it is.

I was listening to the British personality Russell Brand on YouTube. By the way he is well worth checking out. He referenced a study conducted by a liberal or at least moderately liberal group. This is where it gets interesting because the findings are very much Not pro left or right. First they had a liberal group of people and put them in a room and asked about current events. Then did the same with conservative people. 

Of course the two groups gave the angry one sided answers you would expect.

 Then they took the liberal group and shared some actual feelings of conservatives with them. Not the mean old inbred white devil snark of Saturday Night Live or the self righteous dribble of Rachell Maddow. Then they took the conservatives and shared honest stories of liberal people about healthcare needs and treating people with respect instead of the silly screeching of Tucker Carlson or Sean Hannity.

Guess what happened? The liberal group softened their attitudes towards conservatives and the conservatives softened their attitudes towards liberals. Amazing! Makes me think we are getting played by big business and big pharma and politicians with self interest. 

Now the answer in my opinion isn't to watch Fox News as a liberal or MSNBC as a conservative. The answer is to watch whatever you want to watch. But, remember to follow the money and keep an open minded skepticism. Hold em all accountable. 

If you're interested in the experiment here is a link to the discussion. Either way just remember to hold them all accountable

https://youtu.be/XDYLInUgbBg

Highways and dreams.

 Summertime, time, time child, and the livings easy...Janis Joplin

Heading out on an August day. Thinking about life. It's gone by fast. I'm heading to Birmingham towards a Cardiology appointment. Can that even be real?  I'm 64 and that sure as heck don't seem real. But here I am. This has been a hot and humid Summer. 

Old man look at my life. I'm a lot like you were...Neil Young

I loved Summer in my youth. Before heart issues and blood thinners and gray hair. Hot? Why I'm from Aladamnbama. I laughed at the heat. Humidity? I didn't even notice it. But now? It's hard to catch my breath. It's gonna be hot this afternoon. Traffic and Birmingham humidity. But not right now. It's early morning with an overcast sky and the sun is mercifully behind the clouds. I'm cruising down I- 20/59 and once I hit that 459 exit and go around B-ham I'll be off the hot road. Now coming back this afternoon? Well, I just hope the air doesn't go out. 

Well this life that I lived. Took me everywhere. There ain't no place I ain't ever gone. ..Lynyrd Skynyrd.

This is about the time my 19 or 20 year old self would pop some old honk in the 8-track Lynyrd Skynyrd style. Turn it up! 

But, I'm not 19 and my mind is on my own sense of mortality. So I really wanted to talk with you for awhile. I have a different look or idea of you these day's. Matter of fact I find it hard to really envision you. Not because I doubt you're here. I'm more sure of that now than I was when I was devoutly Christian. It's just that you no longer fit in my box or anybody else's box. I don't even know what I am. 

I'll find a place to rest my spirit if I can. Perhaps I may become a highwayman again...Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson.

When I was a kid I would stand in front of a mirror. I would look at my reflection and think "I don't know who that is. But, I don't look like that." it's come full circle. Now, I remember my younger self and look at my old self and think. "I don't know who that fat little old man is. But, I don't look like that."

So what is life? I don't know. I'll tell you what I think. It's based on childhood memories and lucid dreams and my ongoing life long conversation with you. 

I think this is a dream. A persistent dream to be sure. But, still a dream. I sometimes think that if I could just get my body still and look at the edges I might actually see the reality just beyond this pale copy. 

Fly me high through the starry skies maybe to an astral plane...Dreamweaver "Gary Wright."

I understand that this conversation I'm writing down is also a pale copy of what I actually discussed with you today on the way to Birmingham. A wise lady said to me years ago. "Steve. There are some things you don't tell anybody but God." I've never forgotten that. So, the account I'm writing here will be a poor reflection of our actual conversation.

I mainly just need to capture the hope of our conversation. I had a lucid dream once. In that dream...

Last night I dreamed of heaven. That land so pure and sweet....Hank Williams

I wake up and realize my body is "back there" in bed. But, I'm walking in a red landscape. The sky is red and the ground has a reddish hue. Beside me is a robed figure. I know that he knows everything I could ever want to know. I asked him. "What is the dream?" 

I meant who is God? What am I? What is life and what is death? In dreams you just know your intent even if the words and images are symbolic. He said "You ask to much." meaning that I couldn't know all the secrets of the universe. Not even the ones that involved me. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I woke up. When I woke up there was an actual tear on my cheek. 

Beyond the door. There's peace for sure, and I know there'll be no more. Tears in Heaven...Eric Clapton

This was over 20 years ago and maybe closer to 30. But, I think I finally have a clue. Maybe life can't be put in a box. Maybe, like God it's too big for our finite brains to hold it. Maybe it's not a one size fits all. Maybe it wasn't that God refused to tell me. Maybe it's more than the mind of man can understand all at once. I'm still on the journey and it's infinite. 

Come on baby. Don't fear the reaper...Blue Oyster Cult.

Death. I admit I don't know what it is. But, I do know that every mother's child that ever came, crawled or was yanked from the womb has or will die or is dying. My very presence on this earth has been sacred and hellish and wonderful and horrible. But, I know that the universe is infinite and not insane. The fact that everyone dies tells me it's not evil or senseless. It's part of the journey. 

Put your hand in the hand of the man from Galilee....Ocean

The next time I see that figure I'm not going to ask what is the dream? I'm going to continue walking with him until morning comes. 

Peace.

Billy Summers Book Review.

 

I've been a Constant Reader since I was 18 years old. I'm 64.   This is an above average novel. As a matter of fact if Dean Koontz (no offense intended) had written it i would call it a great story. For him and others including Michael Connely, John Sanford, ECT. But for King it's a good novel but not a unique Stephen King like vibe. This is the author who was elevated to the rarified air of rock star in his early career. Something unheard of back in the day. He well deserved it Because I remember thinking that nobody, nowhere could write like this. But somewhere along the way someone convinced him that he could write crime novels. Well, he can but, not all that well. I love film Noir and I enjoy reading a good police procedural. Stephen King can write a decent crime novel but it lacks the fire and unique voice of his early horror/Americana fiction.  Still if your looking for a decent Summer read this is a really good story.  But (there have to be but's) Stephen king no longer seems to have the ability to write with any emphathy at all for conservative characters. Still, it's mild here compared to some of his recent political rants. I say this as a left of center Trump despising Southern Democrat. We do still exist. But. Like I say it's fairly mild.  Stephen King these days reminds me of a love from my teenage years. She was incredibly gorgeous. I compared every other woman from my youth to her. They came up short. But, now? Even though she is even better character wise. She no longer turns heads in her 60's the way she did in her prime. Stephen King is like that now as a writer. Still better than most. I am still a Constant Reader. But, the passion and unique early to mid career King is a faded glory. Here be mild spoilers: The character of Alice while good and sympathetic is also forced into the story. It's highly unlikely that a man on the run would run out in his underwear to drag a girl into his apartment. Honestly? The guys looking for him in a mid size city wouldn't connect a date rape crime to a contract killers hide out. Did he go all over the neighborhood picking up after hoodlums and other distractions? Of course not. That would draw attention to himself. In reality he would call 9-11 at the most on his burner then make sure she was breathing and get the heck out Of Dodge.  Also, who leaves a mad mob momma running around outside a mobsters gate with a gun while he cold cocks her baby boy after discretely" entering the mobsters lair? Not to mention (though I will) going to a store in a wig for feminine supplies while leaving a traumatized young woman in the apartment.  In real life and even in fiction that would expose him to her running to the nearest police station or neighbor. Billy even thinks about it on the way to the store. Just a big plot hole not worthy of an author of Stephen Kings ability. Still, as I said before. It's a good story. Plot holes and all.

Meanwhile Back on Earth

 Woke up this morning with light in my eyes and then realized it was still dark outside. It was a light coming down from the sky. I don't know who or why...Mr. Spaceman..The Byrds.

What is life? I got into an intense discussion today with my wife and son. It all started as these things often do with a more or less silly statement that I made in regard to something that a scientist said about aliens. The subject of ufo's came up and since that is one of my interests and has been since I was a child I had to put in my two cents worth. Now Cindy is a bit of a science nerd on some things and I have to admit that I am ignorant of most higher math and science and my main claim to intellectual pursuit is my love of reading. Other than that I couldn't teach a 6th grade science class or a 4th grade math class. So, there was this scientist claiming that maybe aliens wouldn't even contact us if they could and that even if they exist they would be so far above us that we would be like ants to them and therefore they would have no interest in us. Also that they would be biological and look something like us because that is how the physical laws of the universe work.

I had the right to remain silent. But, I didn't have the ability...Ron White.

I should have let it go right there. But, being as I am a UFO buff and also a bit of a new age space cadet I had to point out the fallacy of the great scientist on both a scientific and spiritual level. After all I argued we don't know if the physical laws hold up all across the universe. Also, what if they are not the boring Star Trek aliens. What if they are evolved spiritually and consciously and maybe they  are coming from another dimension of reality and not a materialistic one where they have bigger toys but no real wisdom or empathy.. Now to be fair that's not where the discussion went completely off the rails. Also, I pointed out that chances are we wouldn't be like ants to them and that is a very arrogant and silly way that for some reason even our smartest scientist seem to hold onto. After all if I went outside and found a group of ants building temples and space rockets then I would absolutely be convinced that  they were worth paying attention to. 

I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane... Waylon Jennings.

So, I said I felt we had evolved and were evolving consciously as a species and that human empathy was greater than it used to be. I feel that we are getting better at calling out racism and that we are progressing over all but it is a slow grind. My wife disagreed and pointed out how much sickness and poverty and slavery and need there is in the world. While rich men make ships to fly into space without a thought of the need for pandemic relief and vaccines and health care. Then my son who like most young people these days is becoming socially aware also said that he thought the world was horrible and that nothing had changed in the last 100 years in America or the world.

The arc of the universe is long. But, it finally bends towards justice...Martin Luther King Jr.

I told my son that if he were to go back to 1965 and talk to Martin Luther King and tell him that  The University of Alabama has black students and a black quarterback and that Birmingham has a black mayor and that he could just walk into a restaurant and order a meal and a white waitress would take his order. He would be incredibly happy about our progress. However, both my son and wife pointed out that we have seen a black man murdered in a northern city by a policeman and that black people still don't feel safe being pulled over by the law. I of course pointed out that there are not roving bands of cops or white supremacist killing people. They pointed out slavery in China and the way that poor communities who are mainly black are discriminated against. So, it was a tough sell trying to prove my theory that humanity is evolving into something better. We just had to agree to disagree. 

We know there is intention and purpose in the universe. Because there is intention and purpose in us...George Bernard Shaw.

So then somehow we get off onto evolution and intent. I concur that evolution is a force of nature but that it has intent behind it. My son brings up random mutations as an argument and then I say that the original intent was still there or nothing would happen at all. that just kicks the can down the road. Anyway, I'm afraid I just came off looking like a space cadet and maybe his agnosticism was strengthened. but I still know that there is a purpose to the universe. Otherwise the universe is completely blind and deaf and is indeed the work of an idiot signifying nothing. But, here we start to get into philosophy and maybe even religion. I have no real patience for religion myself these days. 

You do not have to attend every argument to which you are invited . ..Buddha.

So, now wishing I had argued less I decided to throw out two more things to prove my superior thought skills and save a little of my wounded pride. First I said that my son should watch a Buddha at the Gas Pump podcast featuring Doctor Jim Tucker of the University of Virginia Department of Perceptual Studies which would reinforce my view that more is going on with consciousness than simply random and meaningless mutations. But, even though I do think it's a good interview, it's over two hours and I highly doubt a teenager is going to sit though it just to hear reincarnation theory. I have to be doing something else myself like walking or doing chores because even I can't just sit there that long while somebody talks. Besides I no longer believe in a one size fits all philosophy myself. 

The public has a distorted view of science because children are taught in school that science is a collection of firmly established truths. In fact, science is not a collection of truths. It is a continuing exploration of mysteries...Freeman John Dyson.

So, I pointed out that I once saw a video of Carl Sagan where he talked about a small population of crabs in a certain area. The spotted ones tasted great to the local fishermen while the white ones were not as tasty. The spotted ones disappeared and to the great Sagan that proved that there was no real intent, just random evolution. I pointed out that it actually was an example of intent. The fishermen caught all the spotted crabs and ate them. They threw back the white ones. So, it was an example of intent. Cindy and I argued  for awhile as she saw evolution in action and I saw intent. Actually we are both right in our own way and the way we look at it. But, alas I'm afraid I still came off as the space cadet and so I really should have just let it go. 

The question isn't if there is a God or not. The question is have you experienced God or have you not experienced God...Hindu wisdom verse.

Finally, I assured my son that I am not anti-science. As a matter of fact I adore medical science. I would be dead of heart failure right now if not for the brilliance of medical science. But, I see intent and purpose in that. I see a species that is evolving mostly technologically but also consciously. I remember being in the hospital and about to be transferred to another hospital where the surgeon would repair my new heart valve that had come loose. 

I had a "intuition, vision, Inner knowledge" of a giant pinball machine and I was about to be sent into the universe like a pinball being shot out by the pulling of a lever. But, there was purpose in it. I knew that my destination was already known. That what might appear random was in actuality part of a bigger plan. A divine plan. Maybe I can't convince my son or my wife that there is a personal relationship with the Divine apart from religious dogma. But, my whole life is a search and a cry to the one I have dialoged with my whole life. I still have hope that even in a world of apparent randomness that we are more than meat sacks. or a bog of bones.

Peace.

Songs in the key of life.

   I love music. I was brought up on it. Certain songs bring back certain points of my life. I enjoy playing the guitar and plunking around on the piano. But, I don't like to hear continuous music. In my youth I would crank up the radio in my car or my stereo system and rock on. But, as I've gotten older I find that I need a little quiet time. When I do play I'm into it. When I do listen I enjoy it. But, once I put down the guitar or turn off the radio or streaming then I'm done.

I get distracted easily these days so something constantly playing is not comfortable for me Also I like to discuss life and talk about subjects that interest me and I also like to read or meditate. I don't know how anybody forms a world view that doesn't read. But, I do know some intelligent people that are not readers. However, I don't know any readers that aren't intelligent. That's an exaggeration but I wanted to make a point. 

But, back to music. As a kid I was a little young for Woodstock and for some of the really iconic rock idols of the early to mid sixties. I guess my music was more from the early seventies to the early eighties. Although I like to say that Rock was not the same after about 1978 or so. Again, an exaggeration but not much of one. I do remember where I was during certain songs and it's sometimes fun to think about now as I get older. 

Rock to me was my music. My mother sang and played Country Western as I grew up. My Grandmother made sure I was in church and I also was well acquainted with gospel hymns But, that was the music of the adults. The rock music on the AM radio was mine. Now back in the day they had super stations like WLS in Chicago and I would tune in at night once my local station signed off. I do remember though how connected I felt when my radio would pick up my hometown station again as it signed on in the morning. I had rode the waves all night to the big cities of Chicago and St. Louis and maybe even Cleveland. But, once WGAD signed back on in Gadsden, Alabama I had made it home.

So even though I say I don't play music continuously in my later years. I fell asleep most nights in my youth with a radio playing by my bed. So, what are my favorite songs? Well, most of the time it's the ones that gave me comfort when I was alone. That said the things my young self was thinking and couldn't put into words myself. The following are not my favorite or at least not my absolute favorites. But, they had an effect on my life and my memories.

Day after Day...Badfinger.

I'm in the General Forrest Junior High Gym. On the PA is a song and I can hear the lyrics. " Looking out from my lonely room day after day"...across the gym is my sister's best friend. We had grown up together. Had talked as children when she would sleep over with my sister. Had even had a childhood seance together to see if we could contact her uncle from beyond. She was a sister to me. But, as the music played and she moved around the gym it seemed different. " I remember finding out about you. Everyday my mind is all around you." The years passed and I have no idea where my friend is now. Neither does my sister. But, everytime I hear Badfinger, which in this day isn't often It takes me back. Day after Day isn't my favorite song. But, it does bring back one of my favorite memories.

Slow Ride...Foghat

Pony Millers and joints and country roads. That's all I'll say about that. But, anytime I hear Slow Ride I feel like singing at the top of my voice. It might not be pretty but..."Move to the music. We can roll all night.

Gimme Three Steps...Lynyrd Skynyrd. 

If you're Southern and are of a certain age then you can maybe relate to smoky bar rooms and jealous dudes and a 70's era earth momma that you can't take your eyes off of. I have a funny Skynyrd story. I'm talking to a really cute girl one day in my youth. Skynyrd had just come on the scene. Back in the day we didn't have Twitter or facebook or any other way of getting instant information on our guitar heros. So, all I knew was that there was a song on the radio  that I really liked. Anyway, this girl says do you like Lynyrd Skynyrd? So, looking cool I say "He's good." Of course she looks at me funny and when I discover that he is they I really feel embarrassed. So Gimme three steps is a fond memory for me but also a little uncomfortable. "Oh, wait a minute, mister. I didn't even kiss her. Don't want no trouble with you."

Good Day in Hell..Eagles

It's funny how life works. In my teenage angst I remember this song. It spoke of some of the crazy feelings I had. I felt my young self was in hell and I had to get out. Away from the little town that was smothering me. Away from my mistakes and my own skin. These days I wish I could go back and appreciate my youth and do it better. But, life is a journey and part of mine was my misspent youth. .."All this gratification and sick conversation Someone get me out of town. Oh well, it's been a good day in hell. Tomorrow I'll be glory bound.

The HighwayMan..Stevie Nicks.

Remember me saying all the good music was before the end of 1978? Well that was an exaggeration. I was in my twenties around 24 years old when one of my rock idols from back in my teen years released a solo album. Belladonna was a beautiful album by the Welsh Witch herself. Stevie Nicks. I was finally coming out of my youthful angst and learning how to live in my own skin. Stevie Nicks had survived her Cocaine fueled rockstar years and this album was proof of how deep she could be as an artist and for me how much I had grown into my own person.My favorite was "The Highwayman." I was struggling with the fundamentalist faith I had been brought up in. I was also starting to gain my own personal balance about my spiritual side and my understanding of myself. Still had miles to go but it was a start. The highwayman was something that resonated with me. The lyrics seemed to speak of something eternal. Something that was like the wheel or cycle of life. I really love this song. " A dream as the thunder wakes her. And her highwayman disappears. To a life already lived before in eyes welled with tears." I learned a version that I could fingerpick on my sixstring. I often do and think of lives lived and how it's all a circle. 

I had heart surgery in my sixties to replace a leaky valve and another procedure to repair the leak caused by a stitch that came loose. The younger surgical team asked me if I'd like my favorite music played as they put me under. To relax. I said Well if you have the Eagles, that would be nice. '' So, down I went into slumber with a "Peaceful Easy Feeling." Or as peaceful as you can get when you are having a heart procedure done. I woke up on my back able to breathe again. Everyday since then I feel like I'm playing with house money. God gave me some more time to look back on my life and I try to give others room to be human. I don't always succeed but I try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. So, don't forget to remember your youth and accept where you've been. And if that certain song gives you a little rhythm then don't be embarrassed. Go ahead and sing along.

Life is short, fast, tragic and wonderful. 

"I get a peaceful easy feeling. And I know you won't let me down. Cause I'm already standing on the ground....Eagles.

Peace. 

The Fire Next Time

What a terrible, wonderful book. Sad and damming. Full of hope and despair. Do I sound dramatic? I know I do. But, I'm white and 64 years old. I look at some of these "woke" millennials and see so much whining. Everybody wants to be a victim. But, I'm not an idiot and I see the anger and the underlying frustration. 

Now in all fairness it's hard for a white guy like me that heard the stories of my grandparents having to shut the door and pull the blinds during the depression era so they could eat two hen eggs before somebody knew they had them to be told I come from privilege. To remember my grandmother telling me that people called her family Shanty Irish in her youth. To hear a 25 year old pretty black lady with a college degree tell me to hush because a white man couldn't understand.

So I went to where I often go when wondering about why the world seems crazy. To the elders. To those who lived through the fire. 

Everybody wants to be a victim But let's face it. There are only 2 victims in the U.S. historically. The black people were brought over in chains. The Indian or Native American were robbed of land and forced to give up their way of life and spiritual heritage. 

Everybody else. From my Celtic ancestors to the Hispanic people to the Asians came here for the same reason. For a better life. So I decided the elder I would go to would be the African American James Baldwin. "The Fire Next Time."  James Baldwin 1924-1987. Author, activist, poet. 

This book spoke to my soul in a way that no CNN talking head or NBA Billionaire ever could. Here were the streets of Harlem. The Nation of Islam. Here was a man struggling to understand his nation in the midst of being treated like a second class citizen. This wasn't the flowery love talk of the civil rights leaders. Nor was it the angry venom of the Black Panther. This was an honest to goodness human being. Struggling not in a pious or phony way to love. But with gloves off. Honest talk. 

Just as most people today can't understand the quiet desperation of my depression era grandparents. White people including myself can't understand the generational experience of our black neighbor's. 

So while it's hard for me at times to understand the anger of a 25 year old black person that in all honesty has many opportunities in this land. I felt maybe there was something more. Something I couldn't see that drives so much of that anger. 

Two things happened within a week that troubled me. I'm not a far left wing "woke" person. But I am awake .A left of center moderate One thing was some white peoples anger at Juneteenth. I mean I understand Kwanza is a condescending made up day by mostly guilt ridden white liberals and black people that have never been near Africa. But, Juneteenth is real. Human beings really were put in chains and sold as if they were cattle. To celebrate the end of that should be praised by Everybody. Even by old white men like me. The second thing that bothered me was today.

I saw an article that Mobile, Alabama will not (Thank God) allow the Birthday party of our nation on July 4 to be hijacked by celebrating Donald Trump. I politely pointed out that the 4th of July is for our nation. The celebration of people who fought and died for freedom. It was bigger than Donald Trump or Malcolm X or any other partisan political statement. 

OMG! The venom from Trumpsters was immediate. How far have we fallen. If I can't say The United States of America is bigger than Donald Trump.

So, where are we as a nation? Will white and black America ever come together again or maybe for the first time to create a more perfect union. Or has the long smoldering divide finally caught up to us? I don't know. But, the final words were sobering.

"First the flood. But, The Fire Next Time.

Meditation with Jesus.

 I'm sitting in a comfortable spot outdoors. I hear a running creek and I see the mountains. I'm in Northeast Alabama. It's my happy place. A place I go to in meditation sometimes. A mashup of my hometown Gadsden, Alabama at the falls beside Black Creek and about 20 miles or more to the West in the little rural North Alabama coal mining town of Altoona where my grandparents came from and where I spent a lot of my youth. Especially from the 10th grade until around the  late 80's. I close my eyes and this is often where I end up.

Ever see the old facebook meme with a bench and the "If you could sit with anyone from history for an hour who would it be?" Well, this is kind of like that. I come here and meditate and pray and think about people from my life. Family members, old friends and even the source of my own being. I even have a meditation app I use that has the sound effect of running water that I use on occasion with my ear buds. 

Here I am and as I sit here beside the creek I look across and there you are. Jesus. Purple robe and sandals and the whole look from Sunday School from my youth.

 Jesus: "Would you like me to wear jeans? or a hoodie? or anything else?" " my wardrobe is endless"

Me: Yeah, but somehow I don't think you are really concerned with how I see you. That's kind of a manmade construct isn't it? 

Jesus: "Yes and no. I'm not concerned with how you envision me. but, I am part of mankind so I also don't see it as silly or irrelevant either." 

Me:  Thank you. I really should have started this meditation with a prayer. I'm not really  religious these days but I do still pray. So, before I get farther in I'll just take a second and do a silent connection with the Ground of all Being.

Jesus:  "Don't worry. I'll still be here.

Me: Ok. I'm back.  I was thinking about life today. I'm not going to use this blog to explain to others why I'm no longer a bible thumping Christian and I'm not going to try and justify myself to  Believers, atheists or anybody in between or outside. We all have our journey and I'm still on mine. 

So, if I could, I would like to talk about why I still consider you to be the most important person, avatar, teacher in human history. I think one thing that sets you apart from most religious dogma including the Christian dogma of an angry god is your core of showing how important each and everyone of us is.

Jesus: You have come to see the cross as a metaphor for life and that's not a bad thing. You see my journey as telling people that as important as this life is. And it is important. That  precious as it is and it is precious. That compared to home this is a pale reflection of reality. Kind of like earth was a reflection of  Narnia in C.S. Lewis books and in the end. Even Narnia was a reflection of Real Narnia. So this is a reflection of a reflection. The reality of home. The place where all creation springs from is so much brighter and precious than even this. The cross was a price I was willing to pay. Is that how you see it?

Me: Yes! Only I don't know if that's true or if it's just me holding on to a vestige of my old dogma since I honestly don't think religion matters in the end. It's more of how we treat each other. For instance the truth or myth or whatever else you want to say is still awesome. That a man or a woman would run into a burning building and rescue someone is heroic. But, in this case. God puts on flesh and comes into the burning building knowing he/she can't rescue everybody physically. So God sits in the burning building with the rest of us. Now that's love! 

Jesus: One thing for sure. Love never fails. So in the end love wins. 

Me: It's kind of sad that people think a loving Deity could rest if even one creature was in misery for eternity. But, some do think that's love. That kind of love loses in the end. But, that is the myth. The torment and eternal death that the churchy people have used to control people. 

Jesus: However, the atheist myth is just as damaging. It's like running into a children's cancer ward and shouting there's no hope for anybody and in the end nothing matters and we all just die and death and oblivion are the end result and all of you are just meatbots. 

Me: Yeah, I really try to treat everybody the way I'd like to be treated. That's my only religion. 

Jesus: Yeah. But, often you end up treating them the same way they treat you. 

Me: Yeah. It's hard not to at times. 

Me: Do you know what I really regret about life? 

Jesus: Yes. But, tell me anyway. It'll do you good.

Me: Well. I don't regret one curse word or one toke of a joint or one sip of beer. I don't regret the idiotic way I fell for my first love or the fact that I went through so much crap to get where I am now. 

What I regret is the times I hurt other people. My grandparents who loved me unconditionally. My friends and classmates, family and neighbors who I treated as if they didn't matter. The times I was mean to animals and treated them as if they were not as important because they were just animals. Those are the things I regret. The times I treated others as if they were just bit players in my movie. 

Jesus: Well your grandparents know that from where they are now. So do the neighbors and friends and other precious people that came through your life. After all, in the end Love Wins. 

Me: Well. I do have some things I would like to clear up. Remember when I was really young and I had this memory of a past life? 

Jesus: I also remember when you first thought about the verse talking about putting new wine into old wineskins. 

Me: Yeah. I understand that verse is not talking about reincarnation. I'm not  going to pillage the bible to make myself look right. But, it does remind me of it. The new wineskins are the new body and the wine is the fresh edition of spirit poured into the baby while in the womb. The Spirit itself is eternal but this version is coming into completely new circumstances and different bloodlines and has a journey to add to the total experience of the soul.

Jesus: So that's what you believe? 

Me: I don't know. But, I do lean towards it. 

Me: I'm wondering about a lot of stuff lately. Things that used to seem so important to me are now kind of distantly important. I still like sports but it's harder for me to really genuinely worry much about the outcome of a game. I still like music. But, I don't much like to sit around just listening. I'd rather play the guitar or plunk around on the piano. But to just have music on in the background often distracts me these days. 

Me: What I find myself doing more and more is wondering what comes after this. I look at life and behind me is this long, winding road and places I've seen and things I've done. But, in front of me is this stretch and a hill just beyond a curve and I can't quite see over that hill.

Jesus: It happens. The other side of the hill is what you have prepared for your whole life.

Me: I know. Remember a dream I had once? There was this river. I came to the edge of it and somebody was beside me. I knew if I got into that river it would kill me. I knew it was so cold that my body would freeze. But, somebody beside  me said "go across."  I said " I can't. if I get in there I'll freeze." But, the person beside me said "You have to get in." Finally I did. It was so cold. It instantly froze my body. I felt it dying. But, 'Me." I rose up in ecstasy. It was the most awesome feeling I had ever felt. I was soaring in happiness and joy. Awesome!

Me: So, Jesus. What's beyond that hill anyway?

Jesus: Smiles and touches my face. "Well, there is a river." 

Peace!

God, old friends and Mary Jane.

 I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round I really love to watch them roll No longer riding on the merry-go-round I just had to let it go..John Lennon

Everyone should have that one friend. It might not be your best friend or even someone you see everyday. Just that one person that you fart in front of and drop F-Bombs with. Talk about politics and religion and if there's a God what must that God be like. Does she care what we do or how we act? Notice what I did there? Yeah, that kind of friend. Where if you say something that's not religion 101 they don't lose their shit and start preaching at you.

Why do we give up our hearts to the past. And why must we grow up so fast...Joe Walsh

I had a friend like that once. We could go years and never say a word and then one day run into each other or call out of the blue  and just pick up and  talk. Anybody and everything and everybody was fair game. We had a history. I am older and so I'm talking to my friend for the last time some years ago and he says "Well, I'm going to die this Summer."  I'm thinking "Yeah right." How dramatic. You can't die. I'm older than you and you're a rock star. 

Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Gotta shine on now, forever now
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
All the world will love you just as long
Long as you are
A shooting star...Bad Company

He did die though. At least from this particular view. Nobody really dies. I've come to that after so many years. They just get off the bus and take the next one out of town.

 My friend was a rock star. Younger and good looking and I swear he might never have been famous but he played guitar and wrote songs and had women out the yin yang when he was young. He was a rock star. Just didn't get that big break. Came out of the same bible belt I did in rural Alabama. Had a swagger and an edge and you either loved him or hated him. I should know. I did both over the years. 

I'm causing a mild sensation, with this new occupation
I'm permanently glued, to this extraordinary mood
So now move over, and let me take over
With my, melancholy blues...Queen

He had a saying "Fuck you if you can't take a joke." Things would get tight or hard or uneasy. Feeling hurt and drama on the way and then "Fuck you if you can't take a joke." Well what are you going to say to that? If you get offended then you obviously can't take a joke so ....

I get up and nothin' gets me down
You got it tough, I've seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real...Van Halen

So my rock star friend calls me up some years ago now. Hey Steve if you're ever in Birmingham look me up. I'm living here now. At least for a while. We can smoke a joint for old times sake and bullshit. I'm on chemo and I'm going to die this Summer. Oh man. Come on you aren't going to die. It's been thirty years since I smoked a doobie but if I get up that way I will absolutely fire one up with you. 

Roll another one
Just like the other one
That one's just about burnt to the end
So come on and be a real friend...Little Feat

We talked a while about music. About God. Reincarnation and his turn from angry atheist to hopeful agnostic. My turn from born again Christian to mystical liberal Christian with a lean towards reincarnation. He said he knew there was something. The Christianity we were both brought up in didn't make much sense. He still was stung a from the small town judgements and hypocrisy of his youth. But, the angry atheism didn't make much sense either. If we had been together instead of on a phone I promise we would have fired one up right there and solved the mysteries of the universe. 

I'm sailing away
Set an open course for the Virgin Sea
'Cause I've got to be free
Free to face the life that's ahead of me...Styx

Damn. I wish I had gone to Birmingham. What kind of friend was he? Well, I was brought up on seventies Southern Rock and he was brought up on Van Halen and early 80's glam rock. He had a band back in the day. This one blonde haired dude was a great guitarist. I've seen him break a string in the midst of a loud number and restring the guitar and tune it in a moment and never miss his lead guitar riff. 

What you looking for
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more with you
It's true...Night Ranger

But, my friend stopped the band one day and said guys. My friend Steve loves Southern Rock. He's got his guitar and I want him to have the experience of playing one number with a kick ass band. So, we did. I did.

Call me the breeze
I keep blowin' down the road
Well now, they call me the breeze
I keep blowin' down the road
I ain't got me nobody
I don't carry me no load...Lynyrd Skynyrd

See what I mean? So, that's a rare kind of friend. Now there are things he did at times that were the exact opposite of kind. Things I won't repeat here that we both did. We were young, stoned and drunk. Not an excuse. Just a trigger for our actions back then. He also almost got my brains beat out by a psychotic good ole country boy over a woman that he made love to. Still, he hid my little butt at the last moment and I got out of there. 

 "Oh, wait a minute, mister

I didn't even kiss her
Don't want no trouble with you...Lynyrd Skynyrd

Now how did my little butt almost get killed when I never even touched the woman? Well, my friend was a rock star and a ladies man and he had fun. But, he didn't always take full responsibility for his  fun. As for me? Wrong place. Wrong time. I made it out so it's all good. After all "Fuck you if you can't take a joke." 

Pour your sugar on me
Oh, I can't get enough

I'm hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet, yeah...Def Leppard

I see people today arguing over politics. trying so hard not to offend each other and I'm guilty of sugar coating my feelings about a lot of things from religion to politics just to keep from offending people. But, that's why it's so important to be able to have that one friend that you can yell and cuss and get stoned and get rowdy with. Or drink iced tea and coffee with. That one friend that you can just be yourself with and never worry that they are judging you. 

I've walked through the Halls of Karma
I shook hands with both the Devil and God...Black Oak Arkansas

For some reason I've thought a lot about him the past few days. Maybe somewhere he's thinking about me. He once told me that he liked to be. When he got his diagnosis he said he didn't know about religion or what came after but "I just like to be." 

For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be...The Beatles

I've been through heart surgery and I thought I was out of here. I literally had a vision of my hand under a funeral light when I was so sick before I even had the surgery and the repair of the surgery that kept me going. So, I can honestly say. I understand what my friend was saying. I'm not worried about angry old man in the sky that smells blood in order to let me crawl and sing praises. I honestly trust that once I get to that river the one I come from will lead me across. I'm not really worried about saying bad words or my misspent youth. I'm more concerned with the times I haven't treated a person or animal with respect. I'm more concerned with making sure I find myself in the light. I believe one reason I'm thinking of my friend is that he is in the light. 

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer...Dan Seals

After all. I like to be. So, I Am. 

We're just humans, humans being
That's what makes us
Humans being...Van Halen

I meditated once and fell asleep. I woke up with my whole being filled and in the midst of the most incredible bright light. It only lasted a moment but Wow! 

How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala
How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala
Tell me how does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala
Tell me how does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala...Three Dog Night.

So, if you have that one friend that you can cuss or pray or sing or even argue with then you are so blessed. I read something the other day that I really feel is true. "We are all just walking each other home." 

Peace! . 

Prayer

 I no longer follow religion. But, if the only thing I ever got from the faith of my youth and young adulthood was prayer then it was worth the trip. I meditate (which is a form of prayer) these days and I also pray. Now, I'm not as sure of the makeup of the one I pray to these days. Not sure of creeds and not actually believing that I can have a new car or that my money is in the mail just because I prayed for it. Praying for illness? I don't even believe I can pray for the pimple on my butt to be removed Much less pray for a cure of cancer. But, I will tell you that I will and have and will again pray if I think I might even have the chance of cancer. I prayed while in the hospital for heart surgery and I prayed when I lost a job and when I got another job and finally was able to retire. 

I don't pray because I think it's a one way ticket to paradise. I pray because it just feels right. It reminds me that I belong to the first cause of the whole cosmos even to that which we can't currently see with our naked eye. I pray because I am. And I am therefore I pray. I meditate. I listen and sometimes I don't listen. I don't pray to be saved from the wrath of an old man in the sky. Because that old man the way the Christians and the Muslims describe him is a bloody tyrant. I pray because I need the inner resources of the one that I am an expression of. I love the Lord's Prayer. I amend it and hear it in my own spirit. 

So, this is some of what I was thinking  today as I decided to write down my morning call to God as God knows himself, Herself, Our self to be.

 My Father. I could say Mother. Ground of all being.. The only cause of all that is. Hallowed be thy name. I know that wars have been fought and people have been beheaded and cursed at and had infantile curses flung at them over the "right" use of your name. But, only you can know yourself and you are the one who shows me myself. What manner of being I am. I have a name given to me by my family. But, my name is wrapped in "I AM." That got Jesus in trouble a long time ago and once Rome got hold of the sect the "I AM" got warped into "He is." and we all were cast out to follow vain religious creeds and "just so" stories about ancient text that were never really meant to be "just so" stories. 

Thy kingdom come. But, what does that mean? I see the kingdom as all of the cosmos. The empty space that people wonder at? Maybe it's not empty at all. Maybe the kingdom really is all around us. dimensions and world within worlds. Crazy? well, so is the idea of talking snakes and angry old men that have to smell the blood of their own child to be appeased. Crazy? So is the idea that a piece of organic matter somehow gives rise to the very creation of creatures and consciousness just by a chemical reaction inside your head. Crazy? maybe. But, I think there is evidence of being and evidence of intent in every creature and plant you see. So, to me. My crazy makes more sense than your crazy. So, yes may the Kingdom of God or first cause come in my life here as I try to find my way home.

Thy will be done. What is the will of God? I can't even know myself so how can I know God? I have found that the will of God is that we all wake up to the worth of every human including ourselves. To the worth of every creature. Every plant and the very air we breathe. I will treat every individual human or animal or even memory with the care and thought that I would want to be treated. 

On earth as it is in heaven. Heaven. Streets of gold and only the people who recite the church creeds? Heaven as the abode of God? My very being is the abode of God. Your very breath is the abode of God. Heaven, earth, the cosmos and all that will ever be is the abode of God and yet God is the first and only real cause of it all.

Give me this day my daily bread. My bread that keeps my body alive and the bread that gives me hope that even when the body is worn out I am still "I AM" 

And forgive me for my trespasses. The times when I mistreated a creature. A dog or a cat or the times when I treated other humans as if they were just actors in my movie and I was the star.. Forgive me for the times I took the love of my grandparents and family and threw it to the side since I was young and had places to go. Forgive me for the times when I hurt a neighbor or treated the outcast as if they were something to be avoided instead of the image of God.

As I forgive those who trespass against me. Help me to forgive those who tried to take away my living and treated me as if I were lower than they were. The ones who excluded me and cast me aside as if I were not made in the image of God.

But deliver me from evil. Evil. What is evil? Belittling the poor and judging the actions of those whose skin I haven't walked in. Cheering as bombs fall on the poor and the weak and waving a piece of cloth as if it were more important than the image of God wrapped in the flesh beneath those bombs and bullets. Treating other people as if they are either on my team or not worthy  to breathe. Calling rich billionaires oppressed while demonizing poor because they are oppressive just because of the skin color and where they were born. Calling a young woman evil because she can't see a way to provide for a baby. But, then turning around and casting that baby aside into poverty by cutting healthcare and aid. Choosing sides based on a religious or political system that in it's very intent is to rule over others.

For thine is the Kingdom. The power and the glory. The Kingdom where you dwell within each being and particle and spirit. The power which is unconditional love and acceptance. The Glory which is the very realization that "I AM." Because I am an expression of the Ground of all being. The "I AM."

World without end. Amen. 

Politics is people.

 

See in this the chance to die...Amy Carmichael

I have never forgotten that. An Irish Missionary to India. Amy Carmichael gave her life to the poor children of India. back in my more devout days I bought and still have a thin devotional called "You are my hiding place." A 40 day journey with Amy Carmichael. She recounts one instance where a nurse or a co worker (I honestly can't remember which one) said something harsh or rude to her. Just as Amy was considering which blistering comeback to use she heard in her spirit. "Consider this a chance to die." Meaning to not engage in the very vain and useless war that people fight with each other just to say "got ya." The Buddhist would say to kill the ego. The Christian concept  to let go and let God. Just to rest in the reality of eternal peace and the Yogi's would say choose bliss. 

I thought of that today as I read a very rude comment to a comment I made on facebook. I was just about to blast this person and self righteously point out the sheer stupidity of the argument. But, as  I was reaching for my phone I heard "See in this. the chance to die." 

So, I let it go. Pulled back on my "right" for justice and just breathed. Sometimes that's all that Holy Spirit, The Universe, God,Goddess, Ground of all being is asking you to do. Or asking me to do. Just breathe and treat people the way you want to be treated. 

I love the Christian mystics and the Buddhist mystics and the Hindu mystics. Catholic mystics like Thomas Merton. Modern Chrisitan thinkers like Rob Bell or Richard Rohr. The Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. The Indian guru Paramahansa Yogananda. All different yet more alike than they are to the fundamentalist of their own faiths. 

For me The reality of the divine can't be put into a box anymore. One size doesn't fit all. Wisdom is known to all her children. So, I'm trying to find my balance and get ready for the next stage of the journey. I don't know how long it will be. I hope it's not today or tomorrow but I am trying to listen more and react a little less.

I read something the other day and realized how far apart we have become as a nation and a world. I enjoy making coffee every morning and reading the news on my tablet. It has a cool Star Trek or Jetsons vibe to me. I pull up newspapers and articles from all over the world and sip coffee. 

Cindy says I'm a creature of habit and love my routine. She's right. She knows me well. Once I find a routine I enjoy I stick to it. So, after feeding the cats and the dog and referee  who is eating who's food I quickly get my tablet and coffee and breathe. 

I pull up hotsheet.com and click on the Drudge Report. Now, I know I'm left of center. But, the Drudge report is a wealth of information. The links are endless and you can get down the rabbit hole quickly. Then I pull up the Washington Post to balance it out or some other link like the Huffington Post. My favorite is the New York Post. It is a little bit right but not so much that it fails to inform. Somebody has to keep the Democrats straight and lets be honest. I'm a Democrat but CNN isn't going to do it. 

I also like Page Six of the New York Post which is a mini National Enquirer. Want to know if Prince Harry or Megan is a prick? Read the gossip on Page Six. Want to know which Hollywood star has the latest scandal? Read page Six. I only have one problem with Page Six these days. I've about aged out of popular culture gossip. I mean they mention "stars" and I have no clue who most of these people are. Oh well, Maybe I can find an old article from 1978 online somewhere. But, I digress. As usual. 

I discovered a secret and I'm going to share it with you now. Ya ready? I've discovered that depending on which news service you read you can absolutely prove that the conservatives are inbred evil racist nazi slave traders ready to destroy your rights and over run the nation by shooting everyone in sight and that the main plan is to kill all the "people of color" and install white supremacy forever. 

On the other hand I can also prove that the liberals are all baby killing monsters that set up poor Donald Trump and unleashed a horrible virus in order to thin the population for the new world order. They also are trying to cancel all church and faith and use the flag as toilet paper while planning to kill all the white people who love Jesus by the time Joe Biden leaves office.

Don't believe me? Well look it up. Depending on which echo chamber you choose I can absolutely promise you that it's true. Which one is true? Why neither and both. We fell for it. Hook line and sinker.

What if I told you that all white people don't hate all black people? That all black people are not thugs and all white people are not evil racist. What if I told you that poor white people have more in common with poor black people than they do with Donald Trump? What if I told you that poor black people are more like poor white people than they are like Lebron James? 

What if I told you that Ted Cruz having enough money to take his family to a warm resort paradise in Mexico is more shameful than a poor Mexican family trying to find a better life for their children by crossing a border? What If instead of demanding a wall or demanding that a statue be torn down we all got together and demand term limits and end the lifetime appointments to the supreme court? What if we stopped worrying about poor people getting welfare or health care and demanded that congress not have free health care and pensions on the taxpayer dime for life? 

I promise you that if you put Ted Cruz on private insurance and  took away his perks and also Nancy Pelosi then put them on the same health care that the American people have. The health care coverage crisis would be solved instantly.

But, mainly I'm just ready to stop fighting. I'm not going to spend the rest of my days yelling at people and trying to convince people that I'm right.

See in this. The chance to die.

So, I'm going to breathe. I'm going to continue the dialog in my own mind with Holy Spirit. I'm going to let the religious be religious. The atheistic be atheist and the political be political. 

But, politically we are all being played. After reading some of the conservative opinions I at least understood better why they are scared of the take over of the left. After reading some of the liberal opinions I at least understood why they are so angry and afraid of the right wing. But, propaganda always highlights the worst of the opposition. We still have a chance to find common ground. But, honestly it's slipping away.

But, I'm in my sixties now. I happen to believe in the circle of life so I happen to think I'll be back. This ain't my first rodeo. But, it's the one i have right now. So, I'm trying to stay on the ride and not get bucked off. I'm trying to not get so scared and so angry that I miss living. I'm trying to see in this the chance to die. So, I can live.

Peace.