Wednesday, March 30, 2022

"Haunted" or "Is that you Casper?"

 I grew up between my hometown of Gadsden which at the time was a small city in Northeast Alabama and my grandparents home in Altoona. Altoona is a small rural town in Northeast Alabama. As the name implies and as far as I was able to learn. Altoona being a coal mining town has some connection to the Altoona, Pennsylvania town. But I only saw a snippet about the founding so I honestly can't verify town origins.


Anyway, I moved in with my maternal grandparents in Altoona my 10th grade year of high school. I had been back and forth out there most of my young life. I loved ghost stories. One of my earliest memories is my grandmother talking about seeing a "haint" in her childhood. Haint isn't a misprint it's Appalachian for ghost. 

I was terrified and fascinated as her story unfolded. My grandmother was Irish decent as far as I know and had some stories that I wish I had of listened to more. My grandfather was Cherokee on his father's side and Dutch on his mother's. He absolutely couldn't stand to hear an owl at night. Or as he called it a "hoot owl." 

My paternal grandparents lived in Walnut Grove which is a very small town connected to Altoona. They lived in my very early youth in a civil war era home. I had some odd times there on occasion. 

But, back to Altoona. My grandparents house was haunted. It was old and was on a hill (Lawd, now y'all see why I love Stephen King) in the midst of the town. I always felt watched in that house. I wasn't comfortable in it. 

One of my early memories of that house is around my early childhood. I'm outside playing and the adults are hammering and fixing up the porch. A radio is playing and an announcer comes on talking about the Robert Kennedy assassination. 

Now that's not the house's fault. (i don't think) But it adds to the memories of my time there. Of course some people might say my frame of mind and beer and a little toke of wacky terbacky had an affect on my mindset.

But, not as a little kid it didn't. I often dream of that house. It's torn down now and it's been over 40 years since I was last in it. But, over the years whenever I'm troubled or thinking about situations I dream of that house. 

It's bigger in my dreams and really symbolic. Recently I'm able to walk out of it in the dream. Back in my younger years I couldn't get out at all in my dreams.

There is one event that was no dream. I'll never forget it. I was young and in bed in "that house" as I called it. I was really troubled and a little scared. Something in the room was threatening. I prayed a little prayer and a presence came into the room. A very loving light filled presence. An angel. That's how I thought of the presence. All of a sudden I was at peace.

I didn't even roll over to look because I absolutely knew I was being watched over. I fell asleep.

I'm not trying to prove the house was haunted. I'm not trying to prove the Walnut Grove house was haunted either. I understand a little about theories of the collective unconsciousness and the way we process and project. 

I also know that what we experience in our consciousness is all we really know. Everything else is a temporary part of the journey.

The following from the great haunted house novel by Shirley Jackson has always resonated with me. Even though "that house" in my youth was smaller. Except in my dreams. 

"No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some to dream. Hill House, not sane stands by itself against it's hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for 80 more. 

Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the stone and wood of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone....Shirley Jackson

So remember kiddies. It's mostly in your mind. But then again. What isn't? 

Pleasant dreams. 

Friday, March 18, 2022

Ramblings from the fringe

At times I almost dream. I to have lived a life the sages way. And tread once more familiar paths...."The field where I died" X-Files


I was reading in a reincarnation group I'm a member of recently. This is more of a scientific oriented group. Meaning that they stay away from past life regression and new age ideas of karma. They concentrate on statistics of spontaneous past life recall of children based on the work of Professor Ian Stevenson University of Virginia. If you don't know who that is then Google is your friend.


Crazy people walkin' round with blood in their eyes. And all she wants to do is dance dance dance....Don Hensley.


  Anyway, being me I kind of enjoy the past life regression discussions and a little new age woo. But, then again I like a little fun in my world view and a little outrageous shenanigans to lighten the mood. But, I behave when I'm posting in this particular group I'm talking about.


You. Who are on the road. Must have a code that you can live by...Crosby,Stills &Nash.


Where was I? Oh yeah. So someone in the group mentioned something (i can't remember just what.) and it reminded me of my pot & beer filled misspent youth. So I mentioned that I've been bored most of my life. And that some if not all of my marijuana and alcohol use was a direct result of that. Which then led to a discussion of carry over from past life experience. 


Never mind your name. Just give us your number....On the border...Eagles


Be that as it may I still wonder about my life long boredom. It's as if I'm always waiting for the real world to reveal itself and the mundane religious, scientific, Western worldview to be exposed as the imposter that it is.


Nobody knows if it's something to bless or to blame. I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane...Waylon Jennings


Which might partly explain my love of weird controversial subjects. Start a discussion about ancient aliens or how Tuesday Weld is actually an Illuminati High Priestess and I'm there. LBJ murdered JFK and Elvis is secretly living out his days in an assisted living facility and the U.S. government has a secret alien base inside Mount Shasta and pass the bong.

On one of my trips around the interwebs I heard a podcast host ask a guest if he was a weird kid growing up. My tribe for sure. I devoured ghost stories and comic books. One of my favorite movie moments was a scene where the sun hits Dracula and he crumbles into ash. I remember watching the old black and white production of "The Haunting" and being deliciously terrified as a child. 

I haunted the library for "true" stories about ESP and flying saucers. My sister's best friend growing up and she was also one of my best friends told a gruesome story of her uncle being burned in a fire. One day after a Dark Shadows viewing on TV we decided to have a seance. After all her uncle might have wanted to tell his story. Thankfully our little 8-10 year old selfs didn't manage to pull in any critters from the beyond. 

These days I see the need to relax and enjoy life a little more. I honestly do have reason to feel we are more than biological by products in a meaningless universe. But, I have less inclination to prove it. I might not really believe that ancient aliens seeded life on earth. But it's a fun thing to speculate about. 

Maybe the U.S. government isn't covering up the approaching UFO armada but I did see something in the sky that I can't explain. 

And sure a lone assassin could have murdered the president but the C.I.A. has done some freaky stuff. 


He stays away a lot now from the parties and the club's. And he's thinking while he's jogging around. Sure is glad he quit the hard drugs....He's an old hippy

not able at my age to get drunk and I wouldn't even if I were able. I like being in control of myself as much as possible. I haven't smoked pot in 30 years and after heart surgery I'm not about to put any smoke of any kind in my lungs.

But, in my mind I still like to look up at a starry night sky and wonder what might be just beyond sight of this world. Even with a drug free mind and just the thought of "what if?" As a matter of fact it's even better with a sober mind. Because if I just get still and clear my thoughts I can see where anything is possible and the reality is endless. 

Peace.
 

Thursday, March 17, 2022

March and Transitions.

 It's March. This has always been a transitional month for me. My maternal grandfather was born in March in the early 1900's. He transitioned in the late 1970's. I was born in March. I had open heart surgery about 4 years ago and had to have it repaired that same year in March. I'm from Alabama and March is a Spring like stormy month. We also had a generational blizzard in March 1993. 


My grandfather was the first person I ever felt connection with after death. I had a personal vision and around 43 years later it remains a signpost along the journey for me. I have my thoughts about death and what comes after. I don't have a real big need to convince anybody else of what I feel. Although being human it's always nice to hear someone else confirm something you treasure. The same way it's disconcerting to hear someone dismiss it. Still, truth is truth. But for me I have come to a place where some things are established and it cost energy to constantly argue.

So I never engage with a fundamentalist Christian or a Secular humanist atheist. Life is too short and I find my energy depleted faster than it was in my youth.

Still at 65 there are moments when I like to take stock of where I am spiritually, mentally and physically from time to time. Some of the best advice I ever had came from my Christian Pastor back when I was a regular church goer. He said Steve sometime the best prayer is simply "Oh God, oh God, oh God." 

That one has helped get me through an anguished moment or two. No theology. No trying to ask for a sign or truth. Just a shout out into the universe for the one source of my being to hear me.

I think about my "beliefs" from time to time. That word "belief" carries way to much religious baggage for me. I don't know enough to believe anything. I do have my life experience. Meditation and prayer when I know I've tapped in to something eternal and true. But, I can't put it in a box. 

The world seems crazy these day's. People getting bombed because a man gave himself to darkness and power. People being oppressed and getting horrifying health reports and losing loved one's. I don't have all the answers. I don't know if I have any of them. But, as I step out and engage another day I'm thankful. Also, Oh God, oh God, oh God!

Peace!