God, old friends and Mary Jane.

 I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round I really love to watch them roll No longer riding on the merry-go-round I just had to let it go..John Lennon

Everyone should have that one friend. It might not be your best friend or even someone you see everyday. Just that one person that you fart in front of and drop F-Bombs with. Talk about politics and religion and if there's a God what must that God be like. Does she care what we do or how we act? Notice what I did there? Yeah, that kind of friend. Where if you say something that's not religion 101 they don't lose their shit and start preaching at you.

Why do we give up our hearts to the past. And why must we grow up so fast...Joe Walsh

I had a friend like that once. We could go years and never say a word and then one day run into each other or call out of the blue  and just pick up and  talk. Anybody and everything and everybody was fair game. We had a history. I am older and so I'm talking to my friend for the last time some years ago and he says "Well, I'm going to die this Summer."  I'm thinking "Yeah right." How dramatic. You can't die. I'm older than you and you're a rock star. 

Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
Gotta shine on now, forever now
Don't you know that you are a shooting star?
All the world will love you just as long
Long as you are
A shooting star...Bad Company

He did die though. At least from this particular view. Nobody really dies. I've come to that after so many years. They just get off the bus and take the next one out of town.

 My friend was a rock star. Younger and good looking and I swear he might never have been famous but he played guitar and wrote songs and had women out the yin yang when he was young. He was a rock star. Just didn't get that big break. Came out of the same bible belt I did in rural Alabama. Had a swagger and an edge and you either loved him or hated him. I should know. I did both over the years. 

I'm causing a mild sensation, with this new occupation
I'm permanently glued, to this extraordinary mood
So now move over, and let me take over
With my, melancholy blues...Queen

He had a saying "Fuck you if you can't take a joke." Things would get tight or hard or uneasy. Feeling hurt and drama on the way and then "Fuck you if you can't take a joke." Well what are you going to say to that? If you get offended then you obviously can't take a joke so ....

I get up and nothin' gets me down
You got it tough, I've seen the toughest around
And I know, baby, just how you feel
You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real...Van Halen

So my rock star friend calls me up some years ago now. Hey Steve if you're ever in Birmingham look me up. I'm living here now. At least for a while. We can smoke a joint for old times sake and bullshit. I'm on chemo and I'm going to die this Summer. Oh man. Come on you aren't going to die. It's been thirty years since I smoked a doobie but if I get up that way I will absolutely fire one up with you. 

Roll another one
Just like the other one
That one's just about burnt to the end
So come on and be a real friend...Little Feat

We talked a while about music. About God. Reincarnation and his turn from angry atheist to hopeful agnostic. My turn from born again Christian to mystical liberal Christian with a lean towards reincarnation. He said he knew there was something. The Christianity we were both brought up in didn't make much sense. He still was stung a from the small town judgements and hypocrisy of his youth. But, the angry atheism didn't make much sense either. If we had been together instead of on a phone I promise we would have fired one up right there and solved the mysteries of the universe. 

I'm sailing away
Set an open course for the Virgin Sea
'Cause I've got to be free
Free to face the life that's ahead of me...Styx

Damn. I wish I had gone to Birmingham. What kind of friend was he? Well, I was brought up on seventies Southern Rock and he was brought up on Van Halen and early 80's glam rock. He had a band back in the day. This one blonde haired dude was a great guitarist. I've seen him break a string in the midst of a loud number and restring the guitar and tune it in a moment and never miss his lead guitar riff. 

What you looking for
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more with you
It's true...Night Ranger

But, my friend stopped the band one day and said guys. My friend Steve loves Southern Rock. He's got his guitar and I want him to have the experience of playing one number with a kick ass band. So, we did. I did.

Call me the breeze
I keep blowin' down the road
Well now, they call me the breeze
I keep blowin' down the road
I ain't got me nobody
I don't carry me no load...Lynyrd Skynyrd

See what I mean? So, that's a rare kind of friend. Now there are things he did at times that were the exact opposite of kind. Things I won't repeat here that we both did. We were young, stoned and drunk. Not an excuse. Just a trigger for our actions back then. He also almost got my brains beat out by a psychotic good ole country boy over a woman that he made love to. Still, he hid my little butt at the last moment and I got out of there. 

 "Oh, wait a minute, mister

I didn't even kiss her
Don't want no trouble with you...Lynyrd Skynyrd

Now how did my little butt almost get killed when I never even touched the woman? Well, my friend was a rock star and a ladies man and he had fun. But, he didn't always take full responsibility for his  fun. As for me? Wrong place. Wrong time. I made it out so it's all good. After all "Fuck you if you can't take a joke." 

Pour your sugar on me
Oh, I can't get enough

I'm hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet, yeah...Def Leppard

I see people today arguing over politics. trying so hard not to offend each other and I'm guilty of sugar coating my feelings about a lot of things from religion to politics just to keep from offending people. But, that's why it's so important to be able to have that one friend that you can yell and cuss and get stoned and get rowdy with. Or drink iced tea and coffee with. That one friend that you can just be yourself with and never worry that they are judging you. 

I've walked through the Halls of Karma
I shook hands with both the Devil and God...Black Oak Arkansas

For some reason I've thought a lot about him the past few days. Maybe somewhere he's thinking about me. He once told me that he liked to be. When he got his diagnosis he said he didn't know about religion or what came after but "I just like to be." 

For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be...The Beatles

I've been through heart surgery and I thought I was out of here. I literally had a vision of my hand under a funeral light when I was so sick before I even had the surgery and the repair of the surgery that kept me going. So, I can honestly say. I understand what my friend was saying. I'm not worried about angry old man in the sky that smells blood in order to let me crawl and sing praises. I honestly trust that once I get to that river the one I come from will lead me across. I'm not really worried about saying bad words or my misspent youth. I'm more concerned with the times I haven't treated a person or animal with respect. I'm more concerned with making sure I find myself in the light. I believe one reason I'm thinking of my friend is that he is in the light. 

Light of the world, shine on me
Love is the answer
Shine on us all, set us free
Love is the answer...Dan Seals

After all. I like to be. So, I Am. 

We're just humans, humans being
That's what makes us
Humans being...Van Halen

I meditated once and fell asleep. I woke up with my whole being filled and in the midst of the most incredible bright light. It only lasted a moment but Wow! 

How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala
How does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala
Tell me how does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala
Tell me how does your light shine
In the halls of Shambala...Three Dog Night.

So, if you have that one friend that you can cuss or pray or sing or even argue with then you are so blessed. I read something the other day that I really feel is true. "We are all just walking each other home." 

Peace! . 

Prayer

 I no longer follow religion. But, if the only thing I ever got from the faith of my youth and young adulthood was prayer then it was worth the trip. I meditate (which is a form of prayer) these days and I also pray. Now, I'm not as sure of the makeup of the one I pray to these days. Not sure of creeds and not actually believing that I can have a new car or that my money is in the mail just because I prayed for it. Praying for illness? I don't even believe I can pray for the pimple on my butt to be removed Much less pray for a cure of cancer. But, I will tell you that I will and have and will again pray if I think I might even have the chance of cancer. I prayed while in the hospital for heart surgery and I prayed when I lost a job and when I got another job and finally was able to retire. 

I don't pray because I think it's a one way ticket to paradise. I pray because it just feels right. It reminds me that I belong to the first cause of the whole cosmos even to that which we can't currently see with our naked eye. I pray because I am. And I am therefore I pray. I meditate. I listen and sometimes I don't listen. I don't pray to be saved from the wrath of an old man in the sky. Because that old man the way the Christians and the Muslims describe him is a bloody tyrant. I pray because I need the inner resources of the one that I am an expression of. I love the Lord's Prayer. I amend it and hear it in my own spirit. 

So, this is some of what I was thinking  today as I decided to write down my morning call to God as God knows himself, Herself, Our self to be.

 My Father. I could say Mother. Ground of all being.. The only cause of all that is. Hallowed be thy name. I know that wars have been fought and people have been beheaded and cursed at and had infantile curses flung at them over the "right" use of your name. But, only you can know yourself and you are the one who shows me myself. What manner of being I am. I have a name given to me by my family. But, my name is wrapped in "I AM." That got Jesus in trouble a long time ago and once Rome got hold of the sect the "I AM" got warped into "He is." and we all were cast out to follow vain religious creeds and "just so" stories about ancient text that were never really meant to be "just so" stories. 

Thy kingdom come. But, what does that mean? I see the kingdom as all of the cosmos. The empty space that people wonder at? Maybe it's not empty at all. Maybe the kingdom really is all around us. dimensions and world within worlds. Crazy? well, so is the idea of talking snakes and angry old men that have to smell the blood of their own child to be appeased. Crazy? So is the idea that a piece of organic matter somehow gives rise to the very creation of creatures and consciousness just by a chemical reaction inside your head. Crazy? maybe. But, I think there is evidence of being and evidence of intent in every creature and plant you see. So, to me. My crazy makes more sense than your crazy. So, yes may the Kingdom of God or first cause come in my life here as I try to find my way home.

Thy will be done. What is the will of God? I can't even know myself so how can I know God? I have found that the will of God is that we all wake up to the worth of every human including ourselves. To the worth of every creature. Every plant and the very air we breathe. I will treat every individual human or animal or even memory with the care and thought that I would want to be treated. 

On earth as it is in heaven. Heaven. Streets of gold and only the people who recite the church creeds? Heaven as the abode of God? My very being is the abode of God. Your very breath is the abode of God. Heaven, earth, the cosmos and all that will ever be is the abode of God and yet God is the first and only real cause of it all.

Give me this day my daily bread. My bread that keeps my body alive and the bread that gives me hope that even when the body is worn out I am still "I AM" 

And forgive me for my trespasses. The times when I mistreated a creature. A dog or a cat or the times when I treated other humans as if they were just actors in my movie and I was the star.. Forgive me for the times I took the love of my grandparents and family and threw it to the side since I was young and had places to go. Forgive me for the times when I hurt a neighbor or treated the outcast as if they were something to be avoided instead of the image of God.

As I forgive those who trespass against me. Help me to forgive those who tried to take away my living and treated me as if I were lower than they were. The ones who excluded me and cast me aside as if I were not made in the image of God.

But deliver me from evil. Evil. What is evil? Belittling the poor and judging the actions of those whose skin I haven't walked in. Cheering as bombs fall on the poor and the weak and waving a piece of cloth as if it were more important than the image of God wrapped in the flesh beneath those bombs and bullets. Treating other people as if they are either on my team or not worthy  to breathe. Calling rich billionaires oppressed while demonizing poor because they are oppressive just because of the skin color and where they were born. Calling a young woman evil because she can't see a way to provide for a baby. But, then turning around and casting that baby aside into poverty by cutting healthcare and aid. Choosing sides based on a religious or political system that in it's very intent is to rule over others.

For thine is the Kingdom. The power and the glory. The Kingdom where you dwell within each being and particle and spirit. The power which is unconditional love and acceptance. The Glory which is the very realization that "I AM." Because I am an expression of the Ground of all being. The "I AM."

World without end. Amen. 

Politics is people.

 

See in this the chance to die...Amy Carmichael

I have never forgotten that. An Irish Missionary to India. Amy Carmichael gave her life to the poor children of India. back in my more devout days I bought and still have a thin devotional called "You are my hiding place." A 40 day journey with Amy Carmichael. She recounts one instance where a nurse or a co worker (I honestly can't remember which one) said something harsh or rude to her. Just as Amy was considering which blistering comeback to use she heard in her spirit. "Consider this a chance to die." Meaning to not engage in the very vain and useless war that people fight with each other just to say "got ya." The Buddhist would say to kill the ego. The Christian concept  to let go and let God. Just to rest in the reality of eternal peace and the Yogi's would say choose bliss. 

I thought of that today as I read a very rude comment to a comment I made on facebook. I was just about to blast this person and self righteously point out the sheer stupidity of the argument. But, as  I was reaching for my phone I heard "See in this. the chance to die." 

So, I let it go. Pulled back on my "right" for justice and just breathed. Sometimes that's all that Holy Spirit, The Universe, God,Goddess, Ground of all being is asking you to do. Or asking me to do. Just breathe and treat people the way you want to be treated. 

I love the Christian mystics and the Buddhist mystics and the Hindu mystics. Catholic mystics like Thomas Merton. Modern Chrisitan thinkers like Rob Bell or Richard Rohr. The Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh. The Indian guru Paramahansa Yogananda. All different yet more alike than they are to the fundamentalist of their own faiths. 

For me The reality of the divine can't be put into a box anymore. One size doesn't fit all. Wisdom is known to all her children. So, I'm trying to find my balance and get ready for the next stage of the journey. I don't know how long it will be. I hope it's not today or tomorrow but I am trying to listen more and react a little less.

I read something the other day and realized how far apart we have become as a nation and a world. I enjoy making coffee every morning and reading the news on my tablet. It has a cool Star Trek or Jetsons vibe to me. I pull up newspapers and articles from all over the world and sip coffee. 

Cindy says I'm a creature of habit and love my routine. She's right. She knows me well. Once I find a routine I enjoy I stick to it. So, after feeding the cats and the dog and referee  who is eating who's food I quickly get my tablet and coffee and breathe. 

I pull up hotsheet.com and click on the Drudge Report. Now, I know I'm left of center. But, the Drudge report is a wealth of information. The links are endless and you can get down the rabbit hole quickly. Then I pull up the Washington Post to balance it out or some other link like the Huffington Post. My favorite is the New York Post. It is a little bit right but not so much that it fails to inform. Somebody has to keep the Democrats straight and lets be honest. I'm a Democrat but CNN isn't going to do it. 

I also like Page Six of the New York Post which is a mini National Enquirer. Want to know if Prince Harry or Megan is a prick? Read the gossip on Page Six. Want to know which Hollywood star has the latest scandal? Read page Six. I only have one problem with Page Six these days. I've about aged out of popular culture gossip. I mean they mention "stars" and I have no clue who most of these people are. Oh well, Maybe I can find an old article from 1978 online somewhere. But, I digress. As usual. 

I discovered a secret and I'm going to share it with you now. Ya ready? I've discovered that depending on which news service you read you can absolutely prove that the conservatives are inbred evil racist nazi slave traders ready to destroy your rights and over run the nation by shooting everyone in sight and that the main plan is to kill all the "people of color" and install white supremacy forever. 

On the other hand I can also prove that the liberals are all baby killing monsters that set up poor Donald Trump and unleashed a horrible virus in order to thin the population for the new world order. They also are trying to cancel all church and faith and use the flag as toilet paper while planning to kill all the white people who love Jesus by the time Joe Biden leaves office.

Don't believe me? Well look it up. Depending on which echo chamber you choose I can absolutely promise you that it's true. Which one is true? Why neither and both. We fell for it. Hook line and sinker.

What if I told you that all white people don't hate all black people? That all black people are not thugs and all white people are not evil racist. What if I told you that poor white people have more in common with poor black people than they do with Donald Trump? What if I told you that poor black people are more like poor white people than they are like Lebron James? 

What if I told you that Ted Cruz having enough money to take his family to a warm resort paradise in Mexico is more shameful than a poor Mexican family trying to find a better life for their children by crossing a border? What If instead of demanding a wall or demanding that a statue be torn down we all got together and demand term limits and end the lifetime appointments to the supreme court? What if we stopped worrying about poor people getting welfare or health care and demanded that congress not have free health care and pensions on the taxpayer dime for life? 

I promise you that if you put Ted Cruz on private insurance and  took away his perks and also Nancy Pelosi then put them on the same health care that the American people have. The health care coverage crisis would be solved instantly.

But, mainly I'm just ready to stop fighting. I'm not going to spend the rest of my days yelling at people and trying to convince people that I'm right.

See in this. The chance to die.

So, I'm going to breathe. I'm going to continue the dialog in my own mind with Holy Spirit. I'm going to let the religious be religious. The atheistic be atheist and the political be political. 

But, politically we are all being played. After reading some of the conservative opinions I at least understood better why they are scared of the take over of the left. After reading some of the liberal opinions I at least understood why they are so angry and afraid of the right wing. But, propaganda always highlights the worst of the opposition. We still have a chance to find common ground. But, honestly it's slipping away.

But, I'm in my sixties now. I happen to believe in the circle of life so I happen to think I'll be back. This ain't my first rodeo. But, it's the one i have right now. So, I'm trying to stay on the ride and not get bucked off. I'm trying to not get so scared and so angry that I miss living. I'm trying to see in this the chance to die. So, I can live.

Peace.