Tuesday, June 29, 2021

The Fire Next Time

What a terrible, wonderful book. Sad and damming. Full of hope and despair. Do I sound dramatic? I know I do. But, I'm white and 64 years old. I look at some of these "woke" millennials and see so much whining. Everybody wants to be a victim. But, I'm not an idiot and I see the anger and the underlying frustration. 

Now in all fairness it's hard for a white guy like me that heard the stories of my grandparents having to shut the door and pull the blinds during the depression era so they could eat two hen eggs before somebody knew they had them to be told I come from privilege. To remember my grandmother telling me that people called her family Shanty Irish in her youth. To hear a 25 year old pretty black lady with a college degree tell me to hush because a white man couldn't understand.

So I went to where I often go when wondering about why the world seems crazy. To the elders. To those who lived through the fire. 

Everybody wants to be a victim But let's face it. There are only 2 victims in the U.S. historically. The black people were brought over in chains. The Indian or Native American were robbed of land and forced to give up their way of life and spiritual heritage. 

Everybody else. From my Celtic ancestors to the Hispanic people to the Asians came here for the same reason. For a better life. So I decided the elder I would go to would be the African American James Baldwin. "The Fire Next Time."  James Baldwin 1924-1987. Author, activist, poet. 

This book spoke to my soul in a way that no CNN talking head or NBA Billionaire ever could. Here were the streets of Harlem. The Nation of Islam. Here was a man struggling to understand his nation in the midst of being treated like a second class citizen. This wasn't the flowery love talk of the civil rights leaders. Nor was it the angry venom of the Black Panther. This was an honest to goodness human being. Struggling not in a pious or phony way to love. But with gloves off. Honest talk. 

Just as most people today can't understand the quiet desperation of my depression era grandparents. White people including myself can't understand the generational experience of our black neighbor's. 

So while it's hard for me at times to understand the anger of a 25 year old black person that in all honesty has many opportunities in this land. I felt maybe there was something more. Something I couldn't see that drives so much of that anger. 

Two things happened within a week that troubled me. I'm not a far left wing "woke" person. But I am awake .A left of center moderate One thing was some white peoples anger at Juneteenth. I mean I understand Kwanza is a condescending made up day by mostly guilt ridden white liberals and black people that have never been near Africa. But, Juneteenth is real. Human beings really were put in chains and sold as if they were cattle. To celebrate the end of that should be praised by Everybody. Even by old white men like me. The second thing that bothered me was today.

I saw an article that Mobile, Alabama will not (Thank God) allow the Birthday party of our nation on July 4 to be hijacked by celebrating Donald Trump. I politely pointed out that the 4th of July is for our nation. The celebration of people who fought and died for freedom. It was bigger than Donald Trump or Malcolm X or any other partisan political statement. 

OMG! The venom from Trumpsters was immediate. How far have we fallen. If I can't say The United States of America is bigger than Donald Trump.

So, where are we as a nation? Will white and black America ever come together again or maybe for the first time to create a more perfect union. Or has the long smoldering divide finally caught up to us? I don't know. But, the final words were sobering.

"First the flood. But, The Fire Next Time.

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Meditation with Jesus.

 I'm sitting in a comfortable spot outdoors. I hear a running creek and I see the mountains. I'm in Northeast Alabama. It's my happy place. A place I go to in meditation sometimes. A mashup of my hometown Gadsden, Alabama at the falls beside Black Creek and about 20 miles or more to the West in the little rural North Alabama coal mining town of Altoona where my grandparents came from and where I spent a lot of my youth. Especially from the 10th grade until around the  late 80's. I close my eyes and this is often where I end up.

Ever see the old facebook meme with a bench and the "If you could sit with anyone from history for an hour who would it be?" Well, this is kind of like that. I come here and meditate and pray and think about people from my life. Family members, old friends and even the source of my own being. I even have a meditation app I use that has the sound effect of running water that I use on occasion with my ear buds. 

Here I am and as I sit here beside the creek I look across and there you are. Jesus. Purple robe and sandals and the whole look from Sunday School from my youth.
 Jesus: "Would you like me to wear jeans? or a hoodie? or anything else?" " my wardrobe is endless"

Me: Yeah, but somehow I don't think you are really concerned with how I see you. That's kind of a manmade construct isn't it? 

Jesus: "Yes and no. I'm not concerned with how you envision me. but, I am part of mankind so I also don't see it as silly or irrelevant either." 

Me:  Thank you. I really should have started this meditation with a prayer. I'm not really  religious these days but I do still pray. So, before I get farther in I'll just take a second and do a silent connection with the Ground of all Being.

Jesus:  "Don't worry. I'll still be here.

Me: Ok. I'm back.  I was thinking about life today. I'm not going to use this blog to explain to others why I'm no longer a bible thumping Christian and I'm not going to try and justify myself to  Believers, atheists or anybody in between or outside. We all have our journey and I'm still on mine. 

So, if I could, I would like to talk about why I still consider you to be the most important person, avatar, teacher in human history. I think one thing that sets you apart from most religious dogma including the Christian dogma of an angry god is your core of showing how important each and everyone of us is.

Jesus: You have come to see the cross as a metaphor for life and that's not a bad thing. You see my journey as telling people that as important as this life is. And it is important. That  precious as it is and it is precious. That compared to home this is a pale reflection of reality. Kind of like earth was a reflection of  Narnia in C.S. Lewis books and in the end. Even Narnia was a reflection of Real Narnia. So this is a reflection of a reflection. The reality of home. The place where all creation springs from is so much brighter and precious than even this. The cross was a price I was willing to pay. Is that how you see it?

Me: Yes! Only I don't know if that's true or if it's just me holding on to a vestige of my old dogma since I honestly don't think religion matters in the end. It's more of how we treat each other. For instance the truth or myth or whatever else you want to say is still awesome. That a man or a woman would run into a burning building and rescue someone is heroic. But, in this case. God puts on flesh and comes into the burning building knowing he/she can't rescue everybody physically. So God sits in the burning building with the rest of us. Now that's love! 

Jesus: One thing for sure. Love never fails. So in the end love wins. 

Me: It's kind of sad that people think a loving Deity could rest if even one creature was in misery for eternity. But, some do think that's love. That kind of love loses in the end. But, that is the myth. The torment and eternal death that the churchy people have used to control people. 

Jesus: However, the atheist myth is just as damaging. It's like running into a children's cancer ward and shouting there's no hope for anybody and in the end nothing matters and we all just die and death and oblivion are the end result and all of you are just meatbots. 

Me: Yeah, I really try to treat everybody the way I'd like to be treated. That's my only religion. 

Jesus: Yeah. But, often you end up treating them the same way they treat you. 
Me: Yeah. It's hard not to at times. 

Me: Do you know what I really regret about life? 
Jesus: Yes. But, tell me anyway. It'll do you good.

Me: Well. I don't regret one curse word or one toke of a joint or one sip of beer. I don't regret the idiotic way I fell for my first love or the fact that I went through so much crap to get where I am now. 

What I regret is the times I hurt other people. My grandparents who loved me unconditionally. My friends and classmates, family and neighbors who I treated as if they didn't matter. The times I was mean to animals and treated them as if they were not as important because they were just animals. Those are the things I regret. The times I treated others as if they were just bit players in my movie. 

Jesus: Well your grandparents know that from where they are now. So do the neighbors and friends and other precious people that came through your life. After all, in the end Love Wins. 

Me: Well. I do have some things I would like to clear up. Remember when I was really young and I had this memory of a past life? 

Jesus: I also remember when you first thought about the verse talking about putting new wine into old wineskins. 

Me: Yeah. I understand that verse is not talking about reincarnation. I'm not  going to pillage the bible to make myself look right. But, it does remind me of it. The new wineskins are the new body and the wine is the fresh edition of spirit poured into the baby while in the womb. The Spirit itself is eternal but this version is coming into completely new circumstances and different bloodlines and has a journey to add to the total experience of the soul.

Jesus: So that's what you believe? 
Me: I don't know. But, I do lean towards it. 

Me: I'm wondering about a lot of stuff lately. Things that used to seem so important to me are now kind of distantly important. I still like sports but it's harder for me to really genuinely worry much about the outcome of a game. I still like music. But, I don't much like to sit around just listening. I'd rather play the guitar or plunk around on the piano. But to just have music on in the background often distracts me these days. 

Me: What I find myself doing more and more is wondering what comes after this. I look at life and behind me is this long, winding road and places I've seen and things I've done. But, in front of me is this stretch and a hill just beyond a curve and I can't quite see over that hill.

Jesus: It happens. The other side of the hill is what you have prepared for your whole life.

Me: I know. Remember a dream I had once? There was this river. I came to the edge of it and somebody was beside me. I knew if I got into that river it would kill me. I knew it was so cold that my body would freeze. But, somebody beside  me said "go across."  I said " I can't. if I get in there I'll freeze." But, the person beside me said "You have to get in." Finally I did. It was so cold. It instantly froze my body. I felt it dying. But, 'Me." I rose up in ecstasy. It was the most awesome feeling I had ever felt. I was soaring in happiness and joy. Awesome!

Me: So, Jesus. What's beyond that hill anyway?

Jesus: Smiles and touches my face. "Well, there is a river." 

Peace!