We'll take a cup of kindness yet.

   Another year gone. I know it's been a hard one and honestly? The calendar turning doesn't guarantee things will ease up soon. But, hope is what keeps us going and I'm hoping things get better for the world at large soon. 

Anyway, it's been quite a year. People from all walks of life coming together to yell, cuss and demonize each other. It must warm the devils heart if there were such a being. I'll leave that to the more theological and religious minuded. 

But, here at the end of the year I have a personal tradition Since my early 20's and I'm now in my early 60's I take a New Year's Eve walk and talk to God. Now I haven't always managed it the past several years. But, somewhere between around 20 years old up until around 35 years old I did it faithfully. After that I did it most years and finally in my old age I am trying to revive it. It helps to clear the head.

I would always get a cup of coffee and a breakfast biscuit and head to the woods or the falls or the mountain and get somewhere away from other people and just talk out loud to God. About life and loss and hope and plans. It helped get me through some troublesome times in my youth. It helps center me now. But, today I decided to go into my own back yard and meditate instead of heading off into the woods. Honestly it's been years since I've really felt comfortable just heading out. When I'm in Gadsden or Walnut Grove or Altoona area of Etowah County I feel pretty much at home. But, it's been years since I've lived in "God's Country." 

So, today was meditation in my back yard. Well the thing is I did manage a little conversation. But, then my neighbor to the South came up the private road that leads back to his little neighborhood hood on his tractor with a grater smoothing out the right of way. Then my young neighbor came out and met with a friend in his back yard and before you knew it things were a little crowded for quiet time. 

Oh well, with age comes a little toughness and ability to roll with the punches so I decided to make a list of things I'm thankful for or enjoyed this past year. There are plenty of things that went sideways during the year. People who  got mad over politics and people who just didn't get my brilliant take on the political and social scene. But, there were also some really neat things that I'm thankful for. So, here's my list. Not all of it.

A wise woman once said to me "Steve, some things you don't discuss with anybody but God." I have found that to be good advice so this isn't a complete list but it is a real list of things that I like about life right now.

Jesus: Not the bible thumping angry judgmental Republican Jesus. Also, not the new age hippy Democrat Jesus. But, the incarnation of the Divine that I talk with about everything. Now, I might not think religion is important these days. I have my own reasons for that. I also don't recite any creeds. But, my inner life and my trust that it means something is still intact. So, why Jesus and not Buddha or Mohammed or Darwin? Well, for me and I do mean for me. The thought of the Divine being so in love with his creation that he/she would step into flesh to live it with us is an incredible thought. Now, did I pull it out of my butt? Not entirely, but yeah somewhat. But, it feels right to me and I can dance to it so I'm not going to argue about it.

Books: I grew up reading comic books and ghost stories. I discovered Stephen King via a paperback in the Gadsden, Alabama Mall bookstore around 1975 or so. I read constantly and really liked horror novels back then. But, a good Western or a Sports book or a mystery story would also pull me in. But work and responsibility pulled me and I read less for pleasure except for none fiction. I still enjoyed dipping into a UFO account or researching reincarnation or Christian takes on those subjects and some skeptical thoughts also. But, mostly I worked and got farther away from reading for pleasure. Well, since retirement I've rediscovered a love for reading a good book. I've read about three Rex Stout books about Nero Wolf and they hold up well even though they were written before my time. I've read or listened on Audible to all of Craig Johnson's Longmire mysteries. I've read a New York Times reporter Leslie Kean talking about UFO's and Life after Death. I've dipped in to reincarnation research and religious apologetics. I've read some Stephen King books again and I've read some Ian Rankin Scottish crime novels. Some Lincoln/Childs books and a John Sanford mystery. All in all I've found that my old brain cells can still enjoy a good book or explore a good UFO or paranormal case. 

Old TV Shows: I"ve discovered Perry Mason is an excellent show and I record it watch it by speeding through commercials. I love the old Alfred Hitchcock Hour and Police Story and Adam 12. I have enjoyed Carol Burnett and Red Skelton and The Andy Griffith Show. Nash Bridges and Murder She Wrote. Get an apple or two instead of a candy bar (although I backslide) and chill in front of the TV watching the classics.

Guitar: I've rediscovered strumming my ole six string and pulling up old classic rock chords and lyrics on my computer.

Movies: Some Clint Eastwood and some Mel Brooks and every once in awhile some good Film Noir. TCM has a movie on a spot called "Noir Alley" where I find some pretty good stuff.

Facebook: I know that we all get frustrated at facebook because if you are like me. You don't appreciate facebook or anybody else deciding what is fake news and what is worth reading. I'm a big boy. But, on the other hand I have been able to be active in some of my favorite author's groups, reincarnation groups, paranormal groups, classic rock groups, sports groups and also some old classmates and friends and new friends I can discuss things with over messenger. So all in all facebook is a positive. Has some issues for sure. But, I have enjoyed the interaction.

Walks: Going outside and putting on my earbuds and getting in some walking and tossing a ball to my dog and playing tug of war with an old rope. Just chilling. 

Once pandemic is over I plan on long lazy days in the bookstores of Tuscaloosa and walking around the walking trail at a local park and sipping coffee at Panera Bread. Maybe even doing some traveling with Cindy and seeing a little bit of the country if we can afford to do it.

So all in all life is still good and I am still thankful for another trip around the sun. Looking forward to the coming journey.

Peace.

God has a name. Book review.

 John Mark Comer is the author of a book called "God has a Name." This is my review of it. I come to this conservative polemic written by a young Conservative pastor as a Progressive or Liberal Christian. Meaning of course that I'm Liberal not the author. So, fair warning his idea of a Christian while traditional isn't exactly my idea of who God or Christ is. So, if you are a fundamentalist I think you will like the book. However, if not or if you feel like I do about it then it's not likely to be your cup of tea. Still I wanted to be honest and I did read  the book on my Kindle Fire and took notes. However, I can't get my dang notes to come up so I had to wing this review.

4 stars for writing not for agreement. I come to this book as someone who was born and raised in the church as we say in the South. I'm now sixty three years old and no longer a biblical literalist. This author is writing to a generation of younger seekers and he does a good job of stating his case. The only problem is his case is not the profound mic drop that he thinks it is. It's that old time religion and I've been there and have the T-Shirt.

The major themes of the book are:
God is compassionate and gracious
God is slow to anger
God is abounding in love and faithfulness
Yet God does not let the guilty go unpunished

He also goes to great length (The author, not God.) to tell us that God has an exact name and then goes through mental and text gymnastics to say it's Yahweh. Now I'm not a biblical scholar so I'm not attacking or refuting his conclusion. I'm just not sure it's quite as cut and dried as he says it is. But, I do think he's right in that the Hebrews considered Yahweh to be the God that brought them out of the desert.  He goes to much trouble to let you know that It's Yahweh The Compassionate Lord, Yahweh the Gracious, Yahweh slow to anger, Yahweh Abounding in love and faithfulness, Yahweh who punishes (ever notice how the loving religious folks love the punishing?) Just saying. But, Yahweh who punishes the children for the sins of the father to the third and fourth generation. Address him by his name. Yahweh.

Now if the above sounds as if I'm being blasphemous I assure you I'm not. I'm not trying to mock or disparage faith. My own faith has brought me through and still see's me through this life. It's just that I've seen people manipulate others politically, emotionally and even sexually using Jesus and I'm kind of tired of it. But, I promise I am not an enemy of faith or of religion for that matter.

God is compassionate and gracious. I can understand that. But then the author tells of how God is jealous and doesn't let sin go unpunished. Then the writer starts talking about all the idols and false god's and how they are demonic or fake but Yahweh is the only true God. 

Then somehow he manages to bring the Hebrew Deity of Ancient Israel back to the Christians of the West and of course Jesus. He then glosses over the times when God is angry and commands genocide in his name and say's "we want God to punish us" our sense of justice demands it. Really? I don't think so.
Then of course he does the "God is like a father and your father punishes you if he loves you." 

Well, if you mean beating my ass if I tried to backtalk him then yeah. If you mean a parent grounding you for sneaking out of the house then yeah. But, if you mean allowing you to be obliterated or cast into a burning pit forever and ever then no. No I don't think that is what a loving parent would do.

I worked for a while finishing up my Social Work BSW by working at a fast food place on an Army base. I worked at Popeye's. I used to work over the fryer. We would batter the chicken and then carefully drop it into the hot grease. If you got a drop of that hot grease on you from the splatter you were in pain so we were really careful. I remember thinking as I worked over this hot and dangerous vat of grease. I wouldn't take the tip of the little finger of my most hated enemy and touch it into that grease. I mean it. I couldn't do it.

Yet some Christians want me to believe that a God of love could allow a living soul or being to be tormented for eternity in a hell fire or to be obliterated. I have to tell you that I don't consider that a God with a big G. I would consider that a god with a little g.

Finally, I thought long and hard about my faith in my youth. I finally came to a place where the atheistic idea of a meatbot in a meaningless universe seemed to me to be the insane ramblings of deluded people. I really don't think the universe is insane or meaningless.

 But, also the idea of a almighty being who creates a naked ape and then takes a powerful Angel with all power and knowledge and sends him down to earth. Then takes his own child in his anger and demands his murder and torture and by the way if this powerful fallen Angel called Satan can fool the puny little naked ape then the All mighty in his "love" will burn him for forever and ever. But, if the naked ape even after he's raped and murdered and hurt people will just say the sinners prayer before he dies then he gets a get out of jail card free. I somehow don't think God or Christ would be that random in wisdom.

I'm sorry to say the writer of this book while he's a very intelligent young man, Still didn't make religious dogma anymore sane or sensible by his mental gymnastics in this book.

So, bottom line if you are an evangelical then you will love this book. It will not challenge you at all. But, if you are seeking spiritual nourishment then this is a very light snack indeed.

This is Halloween

   Wax lips and wax whistles. Walking in the humid Alabama night with a bag full of candy and a scary mask that I sweated in and could barely see out of. Other times there would be a hint of Fall in the air. Getting home and letting the adults check the candy to make sure there were no razor blades or other things we heard some people might put in it to harm kids. 

Going to the drive in and watching the dusk till dawn horror movie festival with parents. I have a life long love of horror and ironically it was my conservative mother who fed that love of the weird since she loved them too. Everything Orange and Black. Which was weird because we were Alabama City kids and Emma Sanson was Purple and Gold and Etowah High was blue and white but it was the hated Gadsden High that wore Orange and Black. Still, Halloween in my Walnut Park neighborhood back in the sixties was a big deal. 

My elementary school had the best Halloween Carnival ever. I can remember peeled grapes in the haunted house. The person would take your hand and tell you that was eyeballs. A coffin and then other gruesome goodies. It was before we knew anything about political correctness and before the Southern Baptist were exploited by the Fallwell types for political gain and had to hate Halloween. Just good innocent scary fun. 

This time of year is always one that brings back childhood to me. As I grew older and things changed I never again had that kind of fun on Halloween. But, the smell of candy and the feel of my Halloween costume as I trudged through the neighborhood. The wax lips and Trick or Treat bags and even the feel of Autumn in the air has never left me. 

This year I'm reading "A Night in the Lonesome October" by Roger Zelazny. It has 31 short chapters. One for each day or night in October. It's an out of print classic but I got a copy reasonably on Amazon. It has Jack the Ripper, Dracula, Sherlock Holmes and other characters and so far so good. 

I always try even as an old guy to do something special on Halloween. One year I re-read Salem's Lot and one year I watched my favorite horror movie "The Haunting" by Shirley Jackson 1963 version not the mediocre remake. this year it's A night in the Lonesome October. 

So, as I search for horror movies and think of a long ago neighborhood and elementary school. Halloween carnivals and all night movie marathons at the neighborhood drive in I hope people can find some magic in the coming year. Lord knows we could all use some

Happy Halloween!

Guitars and the night sky.

 The past sure sounds better in the telling than the actual time I spent in it back in the day. But, I guess that's part of being older.   In an older person's memory their younger self is always cooler and faster and more together than the actual experience was. But that's part of the fun of remembering I guess. I happened to go outside on this late summer night in October. Now, if you're from anywhere North of the Southeast I imagine this early October is called Autumn. It is coming. I can feel it on the wind and in the way the sun shines a little softer and the shadows grow a little longer. But, it's Alabama and that means it might frost one night soon or it might just hit 90 in the shade. 

Anyway, I thought of a couple of old friends from my misspent youth. I went outside and looked at the moon and then came back in and picked up my guitar. I thought about a certain friend who was a rock star. If he had lived longer and things had gone his way a little more I have little doubt he may have been a rock star in his lifetime. As it is he was a free spirit. I thought about playing an old Southern Rock song. 

Tuesday's Gone. I was older and more into Southern Rock. He was more of the Motley Crue and Van Halen persuasion. But, he would humor me by playing Southern Rock. Another friend was an absolute genius at guitar. He passed away too soon also. I pulled up Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd on youtube and thought about how I would fumble through the chords with the two people I've been talking about. As I thought about how awkward I was on the guitar I could hear my friend snicker. He would have said (excuse my languare but he would have) "Fuck it." You sound fine.

Some nights that barrier between the worlds seems thinner than others. That's all I"m going to say about that. 

I'm just rambling since that's what blogs are for. I think music might be the only truly universal language there is. I don't always feel like hearing music. I have an old friend whio absolutely plays his downloaded music constantly. That's fine and I understand. But, honestly sometimes I just like it quiet. But, on the occasions that I do get in the mood I love to turn it up. I guess I look kind of funny driving around with classic rock blaring. But, like I say when I'm in the mood I'm in the mood.

I have a funny story about that. A few years ago I was in Target. I say a few years. God must have put time on fast forward because what seems like a few years now was in actuality around a decade now. I had found an old Foghat CD in the bargain section. It had one of the best and most fun classic rock songs from my misspent youth. "Slow Ride." So, anyway I drove out of the parking lot and put my CD in the player of my little 1998 Ford Ranger Pick up and pulled out. I came up on a youngster in a car beside me playing an annoying rap song. ( I know. but I'm an old fart) So, I pull up and roll down my window and crank up "Slow Ride." I don't know why but Ford put a really good sound system in the 98 pick up and I had it really loud. 

The kid starts to pull up a little when he realizes that the little old white dude is blasting an old rock tune that was written long before he was a gleam in this daddy's eye. 

So, I pull up a little waiting for the light to change. He then looks frustrated and actually hangs back. It was beautiful. For just a second it was 1975 and I was young and crazy and had my music cranked up. 

I wonder about life at times. It goes so fast and we take so much for granted. I am glad that the internet wasn't around in my youth. I mean I did some crazy stuff and I'd hate to be judged now by my 17 or 18 or 19 year old self. So, I try to give people room to be human. 

Anyway that's enough blabbing for one night. I like to think maybe my friend's are jamming somewhere. Maybe when I get there I'll figure out how to play lead guitar or at least keep up. But, I'm not in a big hurry. I'm just thinking and looking at the night sky and wondering about all the worlds there might be just waiting to be discovered. 

Peace. 

The road goes on forever.

October is the time when men think mostly about far places and the roads which might get them there...Stephen King "Mrs. Todd's Shortcut." 

   I have long been of the opinion that this life is a pale reflection of my real home. It just seems like if I can get still and meditate I will see the real world. Right there. Just beyond the horizon. It's why I have always loved the road. Something about a two lane road heading over the hill and to who knows where has always intrigued me. I mean you could go anywhere. Maybe that road leads to Narnia if I could just keep going. Stopping along the way to revisit parts of my life that I didn't do right the first time. Maybe looking in on my younger self to let him know that most of that really serious stuff is just stuff and if he relaxes it will be a smoother ride. 

One of my favorite Stephen King stories is a little known short story. I think it's in the Skeleton Crew collection. It's called "Mrs. Todd's Shortcut." Mrs Todd is a young woman married to a hard driving successful man. They have a lake house or vacation home in rural Maine. Mrs Todd is young and pretty and a free spirit. An older local named Homer who works for the tourist and keeps up the part time residents summer homes during the Winter strikes up a friendship with her. She has a really nice vehicle. Now if memory serves it might have been a Mercedes. I'm not sure. Anyway, Mrs. Todd is forever speeding around the town and trying to find the shortest route to a big city and back. It might be Boston or it might be Bangor it's been a while since I read the story. Homer is talking to one of his buddies and telling the story of Mrs. OPhelia Todd. Homer is now in his 70's and was already older when he met the young Mrs Todd.

Anyway, she is constantly telling the old timer about her trips. About how much time she's shaving off and her shortcuts. Finally, he agrees to go with her. It's  a wild ride and it seems as if time and space are folding around them. Creatures  that look just a little off are quickly glanced out the window. Not quite a normal beaver or dog or fox. Not quite sure but the birds look a little different and the trees have some sort of will. They seem to move a little. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Something seems to come at them and when they get back there does seem to be the remains of some creature on the front of the car. But, surely it's a stray coyote or something. Anyway during the trip she also seems to transform. She becomes like Diana the Goddess for him. 

Speeding across the sky or in this case  the road in her chariot. She looks beautiful and dangerous and seems to no longer be the housewife of the rich man at home. She's Diana Goddess of the Hunt. They are in a different realm and once they get home Homer takes his leave quickly and gets back to his aging wife and the safety of home.

But, Mrs. Todd is forever talking with Homer about how much time she is shaving off on her trips. She still invites him to come along but he always finds a way to decline. He wants to go. He may even be in love with the young woman. But, he just can't make that leap. Finally one day he talks with her and she tells him she has found a new path. A new shortcut that she will try today. While she talks he can see the Goddess Diana. He knows that this time will be the last time. She invites him but he declines again. The last time he ever see's her is as she is pulling away. Forever young. Forever the Goddess of the Hunt. 

So, years later he's telling the story to his buddy about the long missing Mrs Ophelia Todd. Her husband remarried after a proper time. And of course time moves on but Homer wonders where Mrs. Todd is. He can hear the sounds of the hunt and the carriage bearing Diana. She found a road that led to a different place. A different road. Maybe a road that goes on forever.

I always liked that story. I read it and read it again and not to long ago read it again.I love the idea of a road that goes forever. You never know what might be over the next hill. The next bend. Maybe it will be a world where people fly starships and there has never been death or decay or slavery or murder. Maybe the sky is eternally blue and the grass a green that is so deep that you just feel like rolling and running through it. Flowers and smells, colors and scents that you have never experienced before. 

Old broken relationships repaired and lost things found. Maybe, just around the bend. Just over the hill. It's a place of light and hope and everything is done out of love and out of relationship. I know it's there. Sometimes if I'm really quiet and still I can just see it. Just almost reach out and touch it. I dreamed it was so and so I know it is. 

Peace.

Kickin' it with Jesus on I-59

 Last day of August around 11:00 AM on I-59 heading into the Ham as the locals (especially the radio personalities that long to be eternally cool called Birmingham.) Man that sky is blue and the clouds are fluffy and white. The day is beautiful. Reminds me of when I used to visit Grandma Snead right before she passed. The  sky outside her room would look so blue and the clouds so white. She was by that time bent and hurting from Rheumatoid Arthritis. I wondered if she noticed how bright the day was. I thought of how short life is and I always wanted to take advantage of those bright days while I could.

I like to thank that she (and I really believe she has) found the next part of the journey filled with bright days and a healthy body or vehicle  for her spirit.

 Thanks for the day. I am of course nervous since it's a cardiology check up and Echo but still it's beautiful.

 Jesus: Now why would you be nervous? 

"Well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be rushed into the hospital. Probably my heart valve will come loose in the parking lot. My BP will be so high that my head will explode and I'm pretty sure I will be committed to the hospital ICU and that I'll catch Covid and die."

Other than that. I'm good.

Jesus: You can be silly. 

"I get that from you. or at least from your pop's."  

Anyway, now I've decided that the heart is fine. But, this mole on my face that just popped up? I'm pretty sure my jaw is going to plop into my cereal one morning soon."

Jesus: "Jaysus, you are a worrier ain't ya?" 

Me: I doubt Jesus would say that and I highly doubt he would use his own name with an exaggerated American attempt at an Irish accent  but I try to find humor where humor is due. 

Anyway, he's put up with my humor so far. It's how I stay sane. 

I really am thankful for the day. I know that life has passed really quickly and it seems like yesterday I was just a kid and I swear I still expect to see a 22 year old me when I look in the mirror..

Jesus: You know that even if or when your heart did or does collapse or if  your jaw did fall off into your cereal I've still got you. 

Me: I do.know. I may not be a really religious person these days. But, I firmly believe that as long as I AM that you will be there. IT's one of those  reasons that all though it makes the fundamentilist mad and the atheist rolls their respective eyes I don't fear eternal torment. But, that's my journey and I don't preach. I don't listen to others preaching at me either.

I remember after my heart surgery when the valve stitches were coming loose and I was told I would have to either have more surgery which my heart was possibly too weak to survive or a procedure to repair the valve. Which the surgeon at the hospital wasn't very experienced in doing.

 Cindy came through via her phone and internet and found Doctor Ahmed who was at Princeton at the time and now at U.A.B.. As I was being transferred to Princeton Hospital via ambulance  I just felt  that God had shot me into the universe from a giant pinball machine but that I was headed exactly to where I needed to be at the time. 

Jesus: I had you.

Me: I kind of feel that right now. Thank you.

Jesus: Love never fails.

Life is short. Enjoy the journey and if you ever find yourself heading down the highway or interstate remember that the trip is short but the journey is eternal. 

Peace.

Spiritual Wonderings of a heretic.

 That's me in corner. Me in the spotlight. Losing my religion...R.E.M.

  This is not a blog about how religious or not religious other people should be. This is not about me trying to ask you if I'm right or me trying to tell you your're wrong. This is just me doing a stream of consciousness about where I find myself in my sixth decade of life inside an earth suit supported by a skeleton on a rock hurtling around a sun in space. I always reserve the right to change my mind, make mistakes and even contradict myself. 

I just like to take note of where I am spiritually every once in a while. It has kept me relatively sane all these years. I'm one of those people that talk to themselves out loud when I'm by myself and have a running commentary in my head at all times. I think that's one of the things that meditation does for me. It quiets the mind and stills the body. It allows you to breathe stop judging the constant flow of thoughts and actions of everyday life for a little while. No past and no present and no future. Just breathe and somehow the past,present and future are all there at once and it's okay. 

I often see some of my friends post about their faith and how they live and how the rest of humanity ought to live. But, you see everybody doesn't always see things the same way. The word of the Lord to you is simply a mistranslation of an ancient text or a myth to them. Science to you can often be simply a misunderstanding of reality to somebody else who has experienced something that you call scientifically impossible. But, let me tell you once you have actually had a dream that predicts something and it comes to pass then there is no way to go back to the sterile view that everything is explained by chemicals. One you have studied how scripture or canon was put together and understand just a little of the political propaganda of the so called church fathers then you can never go back to viewing something that is ancient and passed down from word of mouth to word of mouth and based on other ancient stories as fact or absolute.

Still, I'm not trying to bash religion or say that science isn't real. I might have been a raving lunatic and an alcoholic or at least a lost cause without the foundation of prayer and hope that the faith of my Grandmother instilled in me. Without science my heart would have given out and I would have been unable to see enough in my youth to read a book or even watch a movie. So, I'm not anti anything or at least not anti faith or anti science. I just don't have any confidence in religious fundamentalist or people who claim that we are nothing but meat sacks and chemical reactions and I have my reasons for the way I feel.

Stephen King once was asked if he believed in God. The person who asked reminded him of something he had already said about ten years earlier about God. He said something along the lines of "Don't try to pin me down as if I don't have the right to change my view on something." That's kind of how I feel. My view on religion and life has changed over the years and I reserve the right to change my mind. 

But right now in the month of August in my 63rd year around the sun in the oh so strange year of 2020 this is how I feel right now. I tend to think that if we are an eternal soul that we have been here before or at least the "I Am" part of us didn't just happen to start when the sperm met the egg. I have come to think that consciousness is the  cause of all reality and not that matter came first. 

People like Donald Hoffman and Bernardo Kastrup to name a couple of them have made some statements and research that at least for me makes a lot of sense as to why the world is as we see it. https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-evolutionary-argument-against-reality-20160421/

I don't do guru's and so while I am certainly impressed by folks like this I am by no means saying they have absolute truth. I also have been impressed along my journey by Dr. Ian Stephenson and the University of Virginia Department of Perceptual Studies. https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/

I personally have some memories that I've had all of my life that point to past lives. I don't say much about it because for one thing I'm now sixtythree years old and those memories have certainly been impacted by time and life. Also, talking about such things where I'm from can get you looked at funny at least and shunned as a lunatic or possessed by the devil at worse. So, Imma leave this here and shut up. 

Well at least not talk too much about it. As the comedian Ron White once said "I had the right to remain silent. But, not the ability." 

I have done a lot things in my youth but I also have worked hard to take care of my family. One reason I worked towards a social work degree later in life was so I could provide for my family and have a little job security. I had no idea how cut throat social services could be. But, that's another story and as a retired social worker I no longer have to deal with that.

But, anyway somewhere along the way I found myself doing what ever job I could to put food on the table and I can remember working at a part time job while my wife was a full time soldier in military intelligence. I found myself working a the base Popeyes while also working towards my degree. 

I don't see what's so triffic about creating people and then gettin' upset cos they act like people...Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman...Good Omens.

One day I found myself making chicken overa hot vat of oil. Now, this was a huge vat and you put the batter on the chicken and you carefully lowered it into the hot oil. You would burn yourself just from the heat coming off of the vat much less actually splattering the hot grease. I thought back to the fire and brimstone preaching of my youth and the talk about how God loves you but he absolutely will let you burn in fire and brimstone forever if you don't say the sinners prayer and follow Jesus. By the way he made Jesus go through torment just so he could look at all of us little worms down here without destroying us.

So, there I am sweating over that hot vat of grease and I thought about one of my worst enemies. Back at General Forrest Junior High I knew a dude that was the meanest kid I ever had the misfortune to meet. I mean her reveled in tormenting someone who was smaller and had certain physical limitations. This kid was MEAN. 

But, as I stood over that hot grease I remember thinking I wouldn't take the tip of that mean dude's little finger and touch it in that grease. I wouldn't stand by and watch my most hated (and thank God I don't hate anybody) but even if I did I couldn't stand the thought of them being in that kind of pain and torment. So, no I no longer believe or even want anything to do with a so called god that could do that or allow that to happen to a living creature. So, I will bless you if you are a fundamentalist but I will never be in your club. 

The thing is I truly do believe that we are loved unconditionally at the spiritual level. That our being is part of the divine and we are more than mere meatbots with no other purpose than to live a few short years and hope we win the sperm lottery. I have reasons for that and have even had experiences that point to that.

Two kinds of people I have learned not to spend much energy arguing with are devout religious people which in my neck of the woods are mostly Christian and hardened atheist that yell "SCIENCE" at everyone as if science were some individual entity walking around instead of a whole host of disciplines that we use to research our world that we live in and hopefully make easier for the coming generations.  

I would never join any club that would have me as a member...Groucho Marx

  I often talk with God. I have changed over the years and my conception of God has changed over the years. I have become a Universalist which means that I think that Love never fails and that on some eternal day all creation and all the cosmos will be reconciled back to the source of love that launched it. But, those are just words and words are never sufficient when talking about things of the heart and imagination and spirit. 

I'm thankful for my journey. I have come to believe that everything is one eternal moment so I don't spend as much time regretting my past as I used to do. I think in the end it all ends up back home. 

There is a writer taken home at an early age. But, she came to know more wisdom in 37 years than I have managed in 63. So, this is from her:

When we require that all people must say the same words or subscribe to the same creeds in order to experience God, We underestimate the scope and power of God's activity in the world...Rachel Held Evans.

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly movie review.

 I watched the extended English version on Prime Video. I think I was around ten years old when this movie first came out. If memory serves I saw it at my neighborhood drive in theatre The Rebel Drive In Theatre Gadsden/Attalla Alabama. This is a long meandering movie. The extended version is a good three hours long. Filmed in Italy it's one of the famous Spaghetti Westerns of Sergio Leone. The American West of the Spaghetti Western is vast and epic. Rolling hills and vast deserts and wide open spaces. It is also the inspiration of the Dark Tower lands in Stephen King's epic. Not the crummy movie that came out recently. I"m talking about the seven book series. The Good the Bad and the Ugly is a masterpiece. It also brings the horror of war specifically the American Civil War in to play. Now in reality I believe the civil war was mostly an East of the MIssissippi affair. Not totally but still it's odd to see the Union and the Confederacy fighting in this mythic Western background. One of the most telling scenes is when the Union and the Confederate's are rushing at each other on a bridge and killing each other Clint Eastwood's character says something along the lines of "I've never seen such a senseless waste of men." Still, this isn't a civil war movie.

  It's a movie about human greed and the three main characters play it to the hilt. Eli Wallach is brilliant and has some of the best lines of the movie. Lee Van Cleef plays the Bad as a cold and deadly as any Western villain.. The Good by Clint Eastwood is the quieta and fast as lightning gun that you would expect.

Oddly for the movies of that time and this there is no actual romantic interest. No beautiful woman to entice our hero from his appointed mission. That is both a strength and yet a weakness of the movie. This movie could have cut out the Civil War scenes and been a tighter, faster and leaner movie. But, still it works. I watched most of it yesterday evening and finished this morning with coffee. Fun stuff. Also, the first 10 plus minutes has no dialog at all. It works beautifully. But, I highly doubt anybody today would have the guts or artistic sense and skill to pull that off. 

All in all there are more entertaining Spaghetti Westerns and certainly faster moving Eastwood films. But, this holds up 53 years later and there are tricks and skills that modern film makers could learn from.

Books in a time of Cholera.

  Books are a uniquely portable kind of magic...Stephen King.

I have always read books. Starting with Sally, Dick and Jane in the first grade and comic books and right up to novels and biographies and books on various subjects. Now, I haven't always shared my passion for reading. Most of my friends and family are not and were not readers. I understand. I went through a spell of not reading. Once you start working and having family and responsibilities it's much easier to come home and plop in front of the TV. Also, the sheer amount of entertainment we have these days makes it harder to sit with a book when you want to check the latest social media post or youtube video. I'm not saying that as a snob or an egghead. I'm saying that because it's whats I do.

  But, since retirement I've rediscovered at least a little of my reading mojo. Especially now with so much of the country locked down. Don't get me wrong. I love video and sports and movies and shows. I am very active on facebook and there are groups that I follow on different interest that I have. From football and baseball to classic rock and horror novels to movies to reincarnation to ufo's. I even get myself in trouble from time to time by sticking my head out and giving a political opinion.

Books however are where I got my start at exploring the world and other worlds. It's where I read of different people and different worldviews. So, from time to time I like to list and talk about my favorite rock albums or my love of old vampire moviers and sometimes I like to talk about the books that made an impact on my life's journey or caused me to think or just gave me a good time while reading. Some are fun. for instance the first time I ever read Stephen King's "Salem's Lot" I was actually kind of sad to see it end. I was a young person and the story completely drew me in. Small town Maine and the stories of love and loss and getting drunk and fighting and just the quirks of small town life. It reminded me so much of small town Alabama. Which is where I was at the time.

I also remember the first time I read "Out on a Limb" by Shirley McClain. My own spiritual journey was and still is ongoing. For my own reasons this book written by somebody well known seemed to give me permission to explore my own thoughts and opinions out of the mainstream that my own culture had built around me. Not because all these years later I think it's an absolute perfect book. It's not. And not because I agree with all the stuff in it. I don't. But, because at that time in my life I needed to read that book.

  I worked for a little while in the Gadsden Public Library. The town I was born in. I loved the library and for someone like me it was the perfect job. Well, at least it could have been. I was introduced to the library lore. Did you know the basement of the library is haunted? Even if you are from Gadsden you might not know that. The first librarian from way back in the last Century was said to make an appearance up on the library mezzanine. I knew some of the library clerks that would hear a noise and say "Oh that's just Miss Lena." Miss Lena was the founder and first librarian in Gadsden if memory serves. People weren't afraid of Miss Lena and the mezzanine. But, they were not going down in the basement by themselves.

I was brought up on ghost stories. I loved them and would read books or watch movies and be fascinated. The only movie that ever truly scared me was The Haunting based on the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. Not the remake of the 90's. I'm talking about the Julie Harris black and white 1963 or it might have been made in 64 version.

So, horror fiction has always been my favorite thing to read. Not as much now as when I was younger. I kind of like to get away from horror's these days. But, still I like a good chill once in awhile. Which brings me to a book review even though it's been a long time since I read it.

"Others" by James Herbert is a chilling novel. Made all the more so by the author's own note about the book. While it is a work of fiction it was according to the author based on actual events. Now he didn't elaborate and I can't truly know if he was being serious or just trying to pull the reader farther in. But, there you go. It stayed with me because of the subject matter. The story in itself is a good read. But, some ot the subject matter struck me because it's about things that I consider to be very plausible.

  It centers on a private investigator. Nicholas Dismas is a dwarf and has other physical disabilities. But, he has a good reputation of solving cases and is asked to investigate a case of a missing child who was taken at birth. It leads him to a nursing home and other things as the tension and the paranormal collide. It's subtle but there are certain scenes that slowly build to the final meeting of retribution, karma and grace. There is the story of an old hollywood actor who treated people and especially women and children with cruelty during his lifetime while being acclaimed as a handsome leading man by the public.

It's a story of waking up in hell and of reincarnation and of personal struggles. To say much more would be to give it away. But, it's one of those books that while it's not my favorite. It did have a lasting effect on me as far as the story and the worldview that it explores. So, if you are looking for a chilling and yet thoughtful read you might give it a try.

I think books where the main character has flaws are pretty common. But, books that show deformity and a main character that is physically limited are not as common and honestly I can understand that. After all we love to bond and identify with Clint Eastwood as he kicks the bad guy butt and wins the girl with a devil may care grin and glint in his eye. I know I love the Dirty Harry and the man without a name gunslinger riding into town and kicking ass and taking names. It's fun.

But, in the Herbert novel "Others" the action is more subtle and the horror isn't the raging vampire or haunted car or troubled teenager bringing the walls down on the bad guys.

Anyway, just thinking tonight about library ghost and in this time of a pandemic the escape of reading. Which like life can on occasion while avoiding the issues of the day cause you to consider other issues. Maybe those issues that come at midnight when you just got up to take a wizz and all of a sudden you start thinking about life and death and what the heck are we doing here anyway?

 I know tonight when I go to bed I will follow my ritual. One foot out of the cover but staying on the bed. You don't want it to hang off. Just trust me on that. We all have our little quirks. We don't really think there are monsters under the bed or ghost in the closet. But, It just feels better to keep the closet door securely shut and our feet from hanging off the bed, 

So, happy reading or movie watching or facebooking. What ever takes you to your happy place.

Peace.

Miss America!

  You were the apple of the public's eye. As you cut the ribbon at the local mall. A mirage for both you and us. How can this be real?....Styx

I was raised to think it was one nation. But, it's not ya know. Not at all. Was it a lie? What happened to Old Glory? The nation I was raised in. They told me it was a city on a hill. Was that a lie too? Maybe. But, my ancestors for the most part (google black dutch) were not brought over on slave ships. My Mother's mother was of Irish stock. My mother's father was Black Dutch. No that doesn't mean African American. My dad's family? Snead drop the a and add the y and you have the Celtic origins. My dad's mother was Scots/Irish in heritage.

We love your body in that photograph. Your home state must sure be proud. The queen of the United States. Have you lost your crown?...Styx

But, what about the people who were already here? Call them Indians, Native Americans, whatever makes you sleep easier at night. I honestly wonder what they were calling themselves. Manifest Destiny. Really? God told you to rape the land and displace the natives and talk about freedom?

What was it like to grow up black? Yeah, the Confederate flag was just the flag of my people growing up. I didn't give it much thought. Just fly it a little under the U.S. flag and it's all good. I honestly never thought of my classmates who were black. Who heard stories of slave ships and chains. I didn't mean any harm in my heritage. After all we are all Americans now right?

Well aren't you? (Miss America)
Don't you? (Miss America)
Won't you? (Miss America, Our love)...Styx

See in my family we didn't even know that article one section two of the U.S. Constitution said that black slaves (or more accurately "all other person's.") would count as as 3/5 of a person towards the House of Representatives. But, now I bet that my black classmates knew that. So, what did that mean or make the American Dream to them? The beginning of two distinct nations under one flag. But, what kind of Karma was it building? I was so naive. We were so naive.

Well are you really who we think you are? Or does your smile seem to wear you down? Is the girl who you once were screaming to jump out?...Styx

So, I hear all the Old Glory and look at those beautiful weapons and God Bless the U.S.A. But, what does it really mean? Really Mean. We have Hispanic, black, white, gay, redneck, gangsta,hood, city, country. All the military folks don't look just alike. So, when you say "We will take back our country." Who ya talking about? You think all those black soldiers are with you when you decide to take back your country? Do you love them? Because some of them don't really recognize the country you are trying to take back. I'm not sure it even exist anymore. If it ever did.

In the dream that you must live.
A disease for which there is no cure.
This rollercoaster ride your on.
Won't stop to let you off...Styx

Believe me. I have absolutely ZERO white guilt.I think we are all one race. The human race.  But, I do have a recognition that black people have not lived in the same world that I have. I never really understood that before.

The other day I read where some people wanted to rename the street where four little black girl's were murdered in the 60's in Birmingham in a church bombing. I thought how poetic. How right. How honorable to rename and reconsecrate the ground where a great tragedy happened. But, no. It was shouted down by people saying "I'm not a racist but..." Good God Y'all! Ya can't just join hands for once? It won't turn you into a bleeding heart liberal or a yankee. Please. Just once TRY Alabama. TRY!

Well. Aren't you? (Miss America)
Don't you? (Miss America)
Won't you? (Miss America, our love?)

If you are a white American and you saw a man on TV begging for his life while it was being choked out of him. Crying for his momma while he died and yet your response is to find some past wrong  on his part and blast it over the internet. Well, there is something Broken in you. Can we at least cry with them just this once? Not to justify fires and anarchy and looting. But, just to join in the humanity. What if white America met black America half way? What if the church instead of defending a billionaire who is a "very stable genius." instead tried to stand up for the homeless and the poor and the hungry and the refugee. Oh well. Good God America. Could we TRY? Oh well, It was just a thought.

They were singing. Bye, bye Miss American Pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die....Don McLean...Miss American Pie.

Peace!

Review of Carrie

  I decided to revisit the first novel of my favorite author after all these years. Unlike Salem's Lot or The Stand or even Misery which I've read a few times. I read Salem's Lot every so many years. this is only the second time I have ever actually read Carrie and the first time since it first came out in paperback a lot of years ago. I'm actually more familiar with the movie than the book and I listened to Sissy Spacek read the Audible version along with my own reading of the novel. It has been so long that it was like a first read. Any memories I had were of the movie meaning the Sissy Spacek original and not any of the remakes.

First the Audible version is excellent and Sissy Spacek does a great job of reading it. Being from Alabama I kept picking up some of her Southern or should I say Texas accent at times. But, it was only on a couple of words and she did a really good job of reading the story of the exceptional and troubled young girl from Maine. This story still holds up and if you are looking for a good Audible listen you can't go wrong with this one. Now, to the story.

Carrie as a story really hit home for me since I was raised in the Bible Belt and honestly Carrie's mother reminded me of some of the adults from my youth in a Penacostol church. Even the name of Carrie's mother reminded me of a lady that was really religious back then. Not as deadly with it or as mean spirited of course.

Anyway, one of the reasons that Carrie was a challenging read for me then was my churchy upbringing. Back then my thoughts were Was it a sin to read a book with such irreverent religious imagery of my then Christian faith which brings me back to the story.

Stephen King if he were a churhy person which he is not seems to align from the few times I've heard him discuss it with a more calmly mainline Methodist mindset.

Carrie had the beaten down just get it over with attitude of many of us who were born into a religious fundamentalist family. Thankfully my actual family and my religious relatives were not toxic. The fictional Carrie's family certainly was. Although she had only her mother left.

Stephen King does a great job here especially for a first published novel. He hits the right note of the poor downtrodden bullied teen and the casual cruelty of youth

As a male I think it might have actually worked better with the bulliyng parts from a male perspective. I know how mean teenage boys can be. On the other hand I bet some females will recognize the meanness of teenage girls in the narrative.

I sometimes hesitate to read books from my youth and young adulthood. They tend to seem dated. But, this one about kids from around my time really kept  my attention. This is the young Stephen King. Still full of potential and stories about haunted cars and haunted hotels. Vampire's over running a New England town and a quiet man with a gun and an obsession for a Dark Tower are in the future. This is the start. Not of the Tower or the haunted hotels and cars. But, of the writer. It's a good trip and well worth the time.

Steve Snead <cybrtyde@gmail.com>	6:41 PM (0 minutes ago)

Evolution of a soul

What is man that thou are mindful of him...Ps 8:4

Lot's of anger in the world today. The problem with anger is it intensifies when people run to their bunker's and echo chambers. I'll have to say that I have some thoughts on the world. On privilege and racism and left wing and right wing. But, I am just worn out with politics these days. Not as a white person or a liberal or a Southerner or a Conservative. Hell, I'm not a conservative but I'm not a far left wing person either. Still, I just find myself going numb when I try to talk to people on social media. Insults are hurled and feelings are hurt and labels like racist, inbred hick, fanatic, godless,religious fanatic and on and on and on.

Lets be honest If you saw and heard a human being crying out for his mother and begging for his life and your first response it to make excuses for the cops and try to find dirt to spread on him then you are broken. I don't care what color or political party or how many times you say you love on Jesus. You are messed up.

Still,I don't recommend defunding the police department either. But, this isn't about that. This isn't even about Elmer Fudd going rabbit hunting without a shotgun. Which is silly in itself. Bugs ain't scared of that ole shotgun anyway. But, I digress. (That means go off topic and ramble for you folks in the back row.)

I was thinking about what I believe in. I recently was listening to a talk between two philosopher's about the primacy of consciousness before matter. I tended to agree with one of them more than the other. Anyway, somebody told the one I agreed with that it was good he was open minded. My guy said open minded doesn't mean you are wishy washy. You wait until you have developed your belief to your own satisfaction and then you can be civil but not feel the need to agree or change your own position. In other words don't be a people pleaser or go along to get along.

I wondered if I was guilty of that. I have bent over backwards at times to make sure I didn't offend somebody. That in itself isn't bad but if it causes you to abandon your core or hard earned world view then you need to check yourself. That being said I often find myself trying not to offend and in doing so I also find that I am assumed to agree with things that I don't always agree with.

So, this isn't going to be my opinion on how black people should feel or how white people should respond to black people or anything like that. But, I did wonder about what I believe about the world.

I hesitate to go there. Because several years ago I decided to make a list of why I hold my religious beliefs. Bad idea. Or at least in my case it was bad for my dogma. My list which I thought would be long and affirming was actually quite short and full of holes.

  Short break for a little joke. These two kid's come down for breakfast. The older brother is 10 years old and the younger one is 5 years old. The older brother say's to the younger one. I'm going to try out some new words I heard dad say yesterday on mom this morning. It worked for dad. Anyway, the boys come down and the mother say's to the 10 year old "What do you want for breakfast?" The 10 year old says "I'll have orange juice and a couple of those damn pancakes." The mother slaps him and then glares at the 5 year old. "Now, what do you want?" The 5 year old says "I don't know but I don't want them damn pancakes."

Anybody who knows that joke knows I cleaned it up some. But, my purpose in telling it is that sometimes you have to be careful when you say things without really understanding what you are saying. I have learned that the hard way. So, I'm careful in making a statement of what I believe in. Not because I'm wishy washy but because I know there are a lot of things about life and death that I honestly don't know.

There are more things in heaven and earth Horatio than are dreamt of in your philosophy....Hamlet by William Shakespeare.

I have come in my years on earth to take the thought of reincarnation seriously. There are reasons for it but I'm not going to get into an argument on religion here. I have just come to the conclusion that evolution is biological and spiritual. I would recommend Dr. Ian Stevenson's book "Where reincarnation and biology intersect." It may still be in print. But, full disclosure. I haven't read it. It's pretty academic and written on a high level. Still, I've read some things from it and have talked with some people who have studied it. But, that's not why I have come to my worldview. It's just one of the subjects that I've seen and that have hit home.

I say all that to say this. If what I suspect is true then we are all one species and one race and one eternal manifestation of (for want of a better word) God. So, the black person that is so angry and wanting restitution from the bigoted white person just might have been a slave holder at some point in their existence. The white bigot that hates black people may have been an oppressed minority in a previous life. Now those are "just so" stories and I don't actually like just so stories. You know the closed minded type story that is a one size fits all explanation for everything. But, it does give a bit of an example of what I'm talking about.

If the day could come when we could honestly see out of each other's eyes and understand that there is more that connects us than divides us then maybe some of the hate and bitterness could heal. I honestly don't know.

I'm married to a science fiction/fantasy fanatic. So I have seen Star Wars and Star Trek and Babylon Five and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I sat through all the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings movies in the theatre. So, anyway in Star Trek Enterprise (the weakest of the franchise imo) there is a scene where the aliens decide to make contact because mankind had achieved warp speed. But, I am also a horror movie fan and a horror novel and comic fan and I have a really big interest in the research of the paranormal.

So, I was listening to a podcast the other day sipping my morning coffee and I heard Whitley Strieber (google Communion if you don't know who that is) make a statement. He said the reason the visitors or what some people call aliens haven't made oficial contact with mankind is because of the holocaust. Once the so called aliens saw human being burn each other to death in ovens they decided that earth wasn't ready for any kind of leap forward into the cosmos.Edit: Actually he said the Nazis killed a young Jewish boy who would have discovered anti gravity and that is why the aliens didn't make contact. Now, I'm not in any way making light of the horror of the holocaust. Whitley Strieber wasn't either. But, if I were an alien race I know one thing for sure. I wouldn't want these psycho's of the human race let loose in the broader cosmos either.

Distant cousin from down the line. Brand of people who ain't my kind. Holy Moses I have been removed...Elton John

I wonder if we might be removed. Unfit for the next step in evolution and just stuck going around and around on this third rock from the sun until it explodes or we have an evolutionary leap in consciousness.

But is it all our fault? We are born and raised in this skin and with the circumstances of our birth we start to either pull up or fall farther down depending on what? The luck of the draw? The sperm lottery? The will of an old man with anger issues in the sky? I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be offensive. But, it does make you wonder just what are we responsible for.

Well, if some scientist are right then we are nothing but a collection of neurons and atoms and chemical firings of a dying mass in our skull. So how could we honestly be responsible for anything? How could you judge Hitler or Stalin? They were just meatbots. On the other hand you have some who think this old guy in the sky made a bet with a powerful arch angel called Satan and the deal is if this powerful arch angel can get these naked apes called humans to mess up then he can bar b q them for eternity.

Now that is a bit of an oversimplification of a scientific thought or possibility and a religious dogma that in all honesty is much deeper than that when you let go of the absolute fundi stuff. But, still it's a thought and the question remains.

Just how much responsibility do we have towards each other? I think if the day ever comes when we can talk with each other instead of at each other. When we stop trying to be absolutely right and consider the other absolutely wrong. Maybe we can make progress. I had a thought the other day.

As a white person maybe I can start to listen a little better. Now, I'm not talking about bowing down and extending my neck to be cut off or told to shut up. But, maybe I can acknowledge that black people have never felt completely accepted in this country. Their ancestors were brought here in chains. The Confederate flag that was a source of pride and heritage for some of us was a symbol of slavery and abuse to them. Maybe if it were the other way around I'd be tearing down statues too. I don't know. I can't know.

But, even though I feel there are many great opportunities for all races in this nation and I honestly believe that. But, that still doesn't mean that black people don't feel like they have a target on their back when they go to the store in a car or walk down the street. They see a statehouse in Michigan being over run by white people with guns and that's just the 2nd amendment in action. But, a black kid with a bb gun is killed by a white cop and some of y'all say "well he should have put the gun down." I'm not here to make the argument one way or the other. I'm just saying we need to listen.

We also need to stop yelling and screaming at each other. I see people who are inviting people to Sunday School in one post on facebook and then posting slander about somebody with no real understanding if it's true or not on the next. That marble monument or idol that some of y'all want back in front of the statehouse? One of the commandments on it is "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." But, I guess that only counts if thy neighbor is a white evangelical. On the other hand if you are a young black person and you want me to listen to you then stop with the "Dear White People shit" I'm not a "white people." I'm Steve and we can talk.

Anyway that's my bag. It's subject to change but I'm not going to go along to get along. Not anymore.

Peace.

Coffee With Jesus

  There is actually a cartoonist who does an excellent job with a strip called Coffee with Jesus. So, apologies for ripping off the title.

Two things before the start. A wise woman once told me "Steve, don't tell anybody everything but God. I have learned the wisdom of that statement. Another wise saying comes from the Buddhist Tradition: "If you see Buddha on the road. Kill him." To me that means don't get so dogmatic and sure of your own righteousness that you confuse your concept of God or in the Buddhist sense "enlightenment" as complete.

My Christian faith is much different and my conception of Deity is much different than the faith I was raised in. The foundation of prayer and inner dialog remain. The dogma? Not so much. Still we all have our own journey and I'm not as concerned with other people's interpretation of my journey as I was in my youth.

 I don't say that with arrogance. I could be wrong. I've killed my inner Buddha but the inner dialog and hope of incarnate grace remains. I realize that I no longer have an absolute religious litmus test for my life. That will appall some and others will see me as naive and holding on to superstition. Oh well. I gotta be me. You be you and at least we can try to treat others as we would like to be treated. That's not as easy as it sounds.

I have a meditation app on my phone. One of the programs is a timer with the sound of running water as background for meditation. I often use it when I just need to be silent and drown out any background distractions. One of the places I mentally go is a hybrid of places from my youth. A combination of Black Creek in the town of my birth Gadsden, Al and a place in the country in the town of my family Altoona, Al Both located in Northeast Alabama. Black Creek is a swift running creek with Noccalula Falls at the head of it. Altoona is a small community that was a booming coal mining town in the early 1900's. Not much going on out there now and Gadsden isn't exactly booming anymore either. But, I digress.

  Anyway, I could tell you the exact coordinates in Altoona but most people think of Altoona, Pennslyvania when they think of Altoona which ironically is to the best of my knowledge where Altoona, Alabama got it's name.  Anyway, (in my mind because it doesn't actually exist in a physical location) at the foot of the old mountain where the mines were is a running brook that expands to a nice little lake. This is where I go in my mind to meditate. So, away we go...

I like to sit here and think that I'm with you and I can see you in my mind. Remember the old picture back in the day where you are sitting on a rock teaching? Well somehow the artist made that rock look comfortable. But, here I like to see us sitting on the soft grass. Maybe if it's morning we can share a coffee or just talk.

 The world is crazy right now. I'm not sure how to deal with it. I think back on my upbringing and on how seriously my elders took the concept of Jesus identifying with the poor. But, lately the evangelical church is rushing to the aid of an extrememly rich and vulgar man of power.

Jesus: Well, they are following their own lust and desire. But, they also are scared and trying to make sense out of a changing world. The old stories and myths are being challenged. The foundations are crumbling and somebody has to take the blame. Even the man you speak of has insecurities and fears and he is doing what most people do. He's using power and influence to get what he wants.

Me: But, he made a mockery of faith. Didn't you notice how wooden he looked when he marched across the street after his troops shoved and overran people? He looked like an automaton.

Jesus: His defenses were up. He was in the midst of his own arrogance and remember my prayer? They know not what they do? That's him in spades!

Me: But, what about the feelings of the people he shoved aside? Where were you?

Jesus: I was the angry young black woman and the rich idealistic white man who were trying to find common ground. I was the elderly man bleeding in Buffallo and I saw from the perspective of the angry and frustrated police that shoved past him as if he were just a disgarded piece of inconvinient trash in the road. I was George Floyd pleading for my life as someone with authority was crushing it out of me. I even saw through the angry and venomous eyes of the killer. He is guilty but also to be pitied.

Me: Well, that may be a little deep for me right now. But, I think I'm starting to understand. At least a little. Is all humanity to be pitied?

Jesus: Humanity waits on a god to show them and force them to behave a certain way. They count money and power. They count spiritual authority and all these other things as signs of God's favor or societies favor. They treat the intellect and the ability to do science as a means of control and a way to gain admiration and money and influence. They are trying to shout and shoot each other down to pave the way for a better place. But, the things they are hungry for here are just reflections of a deeper and more real need.

Me: Well, that won't pay the rent.

Jesus: Sadly, no it won't. But, if they could look out of each other's eyes just a little bit then maybe they would stop worrying that someone else is going to get ahead or not have to work as hard as they did. Do you wish your child or your brother to suffer hardship just because you did? Yet, we don't want to pay an extra penny in tax or give shelter to the poor or food to the hungry because someone who doens't deserve it might get a little something. That's part of the problem. We are all connected but we see it as us vs them.

Me: I think about my youth when I would talk to you. There were times when I had nobody else to talk with. I would go into great detail about my needs and desires. Even the sexual questions and the personal questions. I found so much help mentally in talking with you.

Jesus: It was the foundation of your sanity. I love you for trusting me with it.

Me: So sometimes I would walk by the TV and see Pat Robertson and he would start praying at the drop of a hat right on camera. It always made me uncomfortable. I knew the price I paid to get to a place of prayer and stabiltiy and here they were scrooching up their eyes at the drop of a hat as if God were the doorman at an exclusive club.

Jesus: Well, your thoughts then were not quite that focused or mature but yeah, I see what you mean. I really do.

Me: So that's one reason that the president offended me. He treated prayer and faith as if it were just another prop in his reality show.

Jesus: It was.

Me: I'm so tired of arguing politics with people. I guess maybe they are tired of arguing with me. I don't know. But, we all wake up in our own skin everyday. I see people yelling at each other instead of talking with each other. As if that would cause the other person to change their mind. I see people giving Trump a free pass where they would have savaged Obama. I see people trying to deify Obama and make Trump the devil incarnate. But, honestly I do think he's a narcisstic person and of low intellect.

Jesus: Done with that rant?

Me: Yeah, Thanks for listening.

Jesus: So, what are the things you really want to talk about today?

Me: I have a long list. But, wait until I close this window. There are things I can't trust anybody else with.

Jesus: You don't have to.


Peace!

God

  I've always believed in God. I have had my dogma change over the years. I've had to admit some things to myself about religion and spirituality that have made and still make me uncomfortable. But, my inner dialog hasn't changed that much.

I still talk to "God" since I don't have a better name for the Ground of All Being or Source and having been raised Christian it flows easier for me to say God than to say Spirit or Source. Still, my experience with the presence I call God or Holy Spirit has certainly changed over the years.

 I have tried my best to be honest with myself about what I really think. It's really not easy in the South to admit you no longer follow the religion that most of our politicians  give lip service to and most people here still casually say "are you saved?"  I mean you can be meeting somebody for the first time and three things will come up if you're southern. Would you like a glass of tea? Where do you go to church? What college football team do you support?

Now it's okay to say "I don't really go to church" as long as you don't say "I don' t really believe in going to church." You will get a "Well, bless your heart" and a " Well you must have been hurt by religious people and my church isn't a religion." I know insert eye roll here but you have to know where you are and the south is truly a different world in many ways.

Even African American's in the south want to know where you go to church. I had a young African American co worker telling me about how Jesus wants you to do this and that. I finally said "Ya know." "you sound like every white bread Southern Baptist I have ever spoken with."  He looked shocked. Because of course he wasn't a Trump loving evangelical type. But, he was Southern and for all the fighting and racism and misunderstanding southerner's have we are all alike in many ways regardless of color. One of those ways is a healthy dose of religion from our mother's knee.

Looking at this you might ask how I still maintain my identity as a Christian since I no longer follow a dogma. Well, for one thing I have looked at religion and non religion and I honestly don't think it matters what religion you are. I have always thought it silly to think that God is so arbitrary that simply saying the sinner's prayer will get you to paradise even if you have raped, pillaged, robbed and murdered your whole life. On the other hand if you have fed the hungry and cared for the poor and treated people with dignity and still didn't say the sinner's prayer then you are going to burn forever and ever in a hell fire and brimstone.

Some things make sense to me and some don't. In the world we live in I have to be honest and  tell you that it's extremely unlikely for a virgin to give birth or a body to decay in the ground and then be knitted back together at some magical trumpet sound on the "last day." It's also unlikely that "God" would be subject to environmental factors like getting angry and being subject to the fits of rage of a human because somebody pissed him off. The creator being inside the creation as a victim of the creation is not a description of "God." But, it is a description of "god." or a god. or Superman take your pick.

So, why do I still pray? Well for one thing my experience in life has been that spiritual reality does happen. I've had dreams and intuitons and other things happen that point to more than simply brain chemistry going on. I also have my own inner dialog and while I don't think that God is a cosmic Santa Claus I do think it matters at least on a personal level when I pray or meditate.

Materialist humanism is a very poor outlook on existence. Honestly when I look at people being put into ovens and babies being raped and people being sold into slavery and all the other stull that has happened and then an atheist or humanist say's something judgmental about Hitler or Stalin or Charles Manson for that matter then I realise that they have no ground to make a judgment. If all we are and all the evil that was or will ever be done is simply due to chemical reactions and a by product of a soulless evolutionary march to oblivion then nothing really matters at all. Everybody dies and everybody is just a meatbot and you certainly don't morn when a robot dies do you? So, no I'm not an atheist and certainly not a materialist humanist.

What happens when we die? I honestly don't know. I have had some dreams and visions and inner experience. I've read a lot on Near Death Experience studies and the studies on reincarnation especially in the memories of small children who say they have lived before. I would recommend Ian Stevenson and also the University of Virginia Center of Perceptual Studies as far as Reincarnation goes. Raymond Moody and Kenneth Ring and other studies of Shared Death and Near Death Experience. Also, a youtube channel called "New Thinking Allowed" with Jeffery Mislove. Now these things don't prove anything and they all have their critics. But, these are a few of the jumping off points to research and learn more about these subjects.

Still the question of why I still call myself Christian is one I wrestle with everyday. On one hand I was born and raised to be a Christian. I'm a Christian the way a Middle Eastern Arab is a Muslim or a Chinese Tibetan is a Buddhist. It's in my blood. But, there are other reasons and the biggest is this.

I admit that I feel that Jesus was telling people that we all are sons and daughters of God. Now, I'm not a biblical scholar and I'm not talking about the Southern Baptist Seminary either. I'm talking about people who know how to read the original Greek and Arabic and Hebrew and know some of the context of the ancient world. What you get in Sunday School no matter how well meaning is not the "literal" meaning of the Word of God and as a matter of fact there is no single written word that has been handed down from the mount. The bible is a collection of writings from ancient sources over 2 to 6000 years and is full of hope, myth, truth, politics and even genocide. Sorry, if that offends anybody but I'm just going by what it says. Of course as I said before I'm not qualified to give the context or original language of the bible. But, then again neither is the local preacher or the TV Evangelist either.

But, the reason I consider Christianity the superior religion in my own opinion is this. The story of Christianity is the story of the absolute ground of all being. The whole cause of the cosmo's and the whole reason there is anything at all from eternity to oblivion and thankfully that means there isn't oblivion. At least not in the way we fear it. Anyway I'll say "God." So, God actually has such a regard for the concerns and life and death of these children he has spun into this world. So much feeling that he actually decides to bring a part of himself into this world so that he can participate in the hopes and dreams and tragedy and loss of his creatures. That is love. And that is why I still call myself Christian.

Peace.

Weird World.

  People have more fun than anybody. Except for horses, and they can't....Stephen King.

What an odd world right now. Not making a lot of sense. I grew up with Conservatives saying that the people have the absolute right to question a president or elected leaders. But, lately I'm reading where we should never disrespect our dear leader and even though he is rich and powerful as "h.e. double toothpicks" that we should defend him even though we may be struggling and living paycheck to paycheck and he's never had and never will have to work a day in his life in order to put bread on the table.

Also, an odd world when it comes to people talking at each other instead of with each other. Honestly? I will never cause a Donald Trump person to turn around nad despise him and a Donald Trump person will never cause a Liberal Democrat to become a Republican by cussing at each other. I'm kind of worn out by it all.

I just don't have the energy at my age to spend trying to piss into the wind. Anyway, I'm not all that sure I'm always right so I try to at least be civil and say I'm on facebook and I read something that glorifies Trump. Or I read another propaganda piece trying to slander Michelle Obama even though she isn't the one with the nude pics floating around the web.

I just keep scrolling. Now, if you come on my page then I'll certainly give my opinion. But, I'm not going around yelling at people trying to convince them that I'm right or that they are stupid. After all what if they are right. Or what if I'm right but I insult a person so badly that they don't listen to my argument at all? So, I'm done with trying to convince anybody else about what they should believe or think. Life is too short.

Life is short so I don't argue religion either. I have my own journey and I see no reason to try and convert other people to my way of thinking. Now, that doesn't mean I don't join groups on facebook to discuss my interest or beliefs. I certainly do. But, I accept that some of my friends and family might not feel the same way I do so I don't get butt hurt and try to force them to listen to my rant on religion or politics.

When it comes to politics I'm moderate left wing. I say moderate because the "woke" social warriors are silly imo and even dangerous in the way they divide the nation and poor people and pit them against each other by using words like privilege when talking about people who might have white skin but honestly have had just as hard a time financially and socially as any minority.

You want the honest truth? In this nation? MONEY TALKS! You think O.J. would have gotten away with murder if he had been a poor black man? NO, but hell no. What about a poor white man? He still wouldn't have gotten away with it. Both parties have lied to y'all. We are all in this together and the uber rich politicians don't care about you. But, Imma hush now because I said I wasn't going to preach at people.

Media: A free media is vital to our freedom. I was watching a series on Netflix the other day. It was a murder mystery made in Iceland. So, it had subtitles but it was really good. Anyway, one of the people who were covering up a cold case murder was a high up official in the districts law enforcement agency. So, the detective's higher up's told her that he was above the law and to hush. But, the media got ahold of the story and broke it wide open. The state police couldn't hide and had to charge the official with covering up the crime. It wasn't made in America but it reminded me or what America once was. Can you imagine now if Fox News had something on Trump? Or CNN had something on Obama? Both would cover it up for their guy! We no longer have a free media. Some of you love it when dummy Trump yell's "fake news" and honestly CNN often is over the top in their Trump drama. But, Trump won't always be president and the day will come when you will wish you had honest news. But, we have retreated into our echo chambers. I hear people proudly say " I only listen to Fox or CNN or MSN or Breitbart."  Oh well, like I said. I ain't preaching so I'm going to hush now. Again.

Holy Gotham City!

  I grew up reading comic books. From Batman to Superman and from funny to ghost and military to western comics. I loved Batman and I still as you can see display a little superhero shelf over my computer. I'm now in the 6th decade of this journey round the third rock from the sun. My eyesight prefers ebooks and things I can enlarge on a computer screen or an ereader these days. Comics don't hold my adult attention the way they did my 8 year old self. But, the memories are still there.

  One of my earliest memories is going to my grandparents house in Altoona, Alabama on the weekends. I would walk up to the drug store and buy the latest comics. This drugstore as anybody from those days in Altoona could tell you was classic Americana. Soda fountain and round tables and chairs and a string over the front counter with the newest comics displayed. The owners knew when I came in what I was looking for. Mrs Prince would say "Go around to the back and look through the ones we haven't put out yet if you want to but, don't make a mess and put things back the way you found them.

So, there I would go and find my latest treasure. The twelve cents in my pocket burning a hole until I could get that Batman comic I had seen advertised last month. It was here! In little ole Altoona, Alabama straight from Gotham City (New York) most likely. So it was off to get an ice cream cone next door and then straight to my grandparents front porch overlooking the little town. A comic book and an ice cream cone. An eight year old kid's dream in 1966 or so.

Up, Up and Away!...Superman.

 I can remember being at a friends house and saying a phrase that sounded really grown up to my pal's older brother. He asked me where I learned to talk like that because I sounded like a grown up. I didn't tell him because I thought he would (and he would have) make fun of me. But, now the story can be told. I learned a lot of vocabulary from reading Superman. That particular phrase if I remember correctly was something I had read Krypto thinking. Who was Krypto? Superman's dog.

All I ever needed to know I learned from Batman. You treat the weak and vulnerable with respect. Be honest and treat women and older people with respect and never hurt children. But, you also have a backbone and keep getting back up if you fall down. I think the character has gotten darker. Much darker over the years but ya know what? That's what happens when you grow up. So, maybe we all need a superhero at times. I'll take Wonder Woman these days. 😉

  I have over the years thought about how I wish I had my old comics because they would be worth a fortune. Some would be. But, as I get older I realize that where I'm headed money won't be the most important currency and while I'm still here the memories are more valuable and long lasting than the bucks would be.

So, here's to trips down memory lane. The ice cream is always sweeter and the art more beautiful and the movie screen more gigantic back there. So, keep watching the sky and I'll see you next time.
Same Bat Time
Same Bat Channel.

Peace.

Things I think I think.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so sure of themselves, and wiser people are so full of doubts...Bertrand Russell.

  To my horror I found this week that I could lose a lifelong friend really easily just by continuing a political discussion. Thankfully we both decided to back off because our friendship was more important than scoring political points. I mean Donald Trump isn't going to talk about the Crimson Tide or the Atlanta Braves with my pal and Joe Biden isn't going to talk Bama football or Braves baseball with me. So, at the end of the day we kept things calm. That seems to be getting harder these days and this political season will be one of "gotcha" on both sides. So, with that said I thought I would civilly list things that "I think" right now.

 There is a scientist who I really like and respect named Michu Kako who if you google him is a well known Physicist. Anyway one of the things he often says that I can appreciate when speaking of scientific knowledge is "This is what we know  right now." That means that as more knowledge is provided and discovered that we will perhaps know more or even differently than we do right now. So, when I say this is what I think. I do so with the right to think something else later on if I discover I'm wrong or incomplete in my current thinking.

I say that because people tend to come back at you and say "you said something different last year or yesterday or just a minute ago" as if that makes your current thoughts a lie at best or crazy at worst. So, from my over six decade journey so far this go around (life is a wheel) are some of my thoughts on as Douglass Adams author of "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" said "Life the Universe and Everything."

Donald Trump: Love him or hate him you have to admit that he is extreme. I think he is of low intelligence, obnoxious and a liar. I also think he's narcissistic. Everything is about him. He takes no responsibility for anything he has ever done wrong. Then he takes responsibility for hard work by other people. For instance telling his supporters how smart he is while talking about how the doctors are amazed at how much he knows.

 Calling for someone to punch somebody out during a campaign rally or making fun of a handicapped reporter. What made the last part so bad to me was his gutless response when challenged. Instead of manning up and saying "Yeah I did it." which at least would have been true. He started making excuses and people who know better (you know who you are) started defending him and saying "he didn't mean it that way." Shame on you! If you give him a pass for his cruelty that's your right. You feel his politics are the important part. I get that. But, don't lie for him. He's a shit person as a human being. As a president? Well he's not very inspiring but he's not a nazi either. Despite the left wing media's insistence that he is.

 I wouldn't vote for him as dog catcher. But, hey if you do and you honestly support him on strict political policy or as the lesser of two evils then that's your opinion and I can live with that and still love you. But, I will never respect "The Donald."

Donald Trump Part Deuce: First I have zero sympathy for people who think other people shouldn't be able to criticize the president. We have lost countless men and women in war for our right as a free people to let our voices be heard. One of the biggest freedoms we have is freedom of speech. The right as a citizen to voice our displeasure at the rulers and those responsible for the welfare of our nation. I remember Rush Limbaugh (no friend of liberals to say the least) talking about Bill Clinton in the 90's. He caught some push back from the left on his Clinton Bashing. But, he said (and I agree) that Bill Clinton (now Donald Trump) is the most powerful ruler on earth.

So, it's silly for somebody to  think Rush limbaugh could hurt Bill Clinton by not agreeing with his policies and speaking out. Now, Rush and other's think that I shouldn't have the same right to speak out against Trump that they had to speak against Clinton.

It's silly. It's also dangerous to our liberty to have a man like Trump now or Clinton then placed above the law. To see poor people and struggling working people who are one pay check away from disaster crying about "poor Donald Trump" is pathetic. So, yeah I reserve my right to criticise the president. No matter who they are. Don't worry my little ass isn't big enough to hurt your precious Donald. So, Chill y'all. He will still be rich and powerful when this is all over and you will still be living paycheck to paycheck. Same with the people who didn't want Clinton criticised. Hold em all accountable.

Republicans: I'm from Alabama. that means that I have had an up close and personal view of GOP politics. So, just from that I will say this. We are among the last in health care, birth mortality rates and education. We spend thousands of tax dollars a year over the state line in Georgia, Florida, Tennessee and Mississippi supporting the state lotteries there.

We lost and are losing hospitals over not accepting millions of dollars in Medicaid funds from the federal government while the governor at that time "Mr. Doctor Governor Bentley" went to Vegas to gamble and have sex with his mistress on the state tax payers dime. But, he's a "gawdly" man don'tcha know? Not like those sinful democrats.

I grew up at a time when conservative Republican actually meant responsible government. But, right now it seems to mean feeding the corporations and the big pharma drug and insurance companies while the people live in mobile homes and wave Confederate flags and vote for people that wouldn't spit on them.

Let me ask y'all this. I'm being serious so please understand I can't understand this. You say you are pro life and you vote for people who rob you simply on the basis of them being anti abortion. Okay, I get that. Abortion is a nasty business and I'm not a fan.

But, then you vote for people who cut Medicaid and cause nursing home cuts and hospital failures and cause poor folks not to be able to afford to raise a child. You don't care if kid's on the border are put in cages and you begrudge a person getting food stamps. Yet, you have no problem with going to church and acting like the God of the whole universe blesses the American Flag and is more concerned with your latest war than he or she is with the hungry and cold.

 How many of you (and I admit I don't know) you can search your own heart. But, how many of you think about the children and the mothers and the elderly who die under the bombs of war that you celebrate on the Fourth of July or the times that you brag about American firepower. Now, don't come at me and say I'm anti 4th of July or anti American. That's not true. I just can't look at a weapon of war and not be aware that the rich rulers in Iraq or Afghanistan or Iran are in their bunkers while the rubble and bodies you see on the nightly news often belong  to women and children who had no place to hide from war.

So, if you want to guard the border and wage war on our enemies I understand. I honestly do. But, if you can look at a family coming across the border (even if you feel they are illegal) and not care about the hunger and poverty that drives many of them then you may be a lot of things But, you are not following the heart of Jesus Christ. That does't mean I think you are wrong for wanting border security. It does mean that I think you are wrong if you worry more about a rich Donald Trump than a poor Mexican kid on the border.

Donald Trump Part Tres: Finally and I'm asking my friends and anybody who honors me by reading this. Please don't come back and start trying to take this apart and asking me to do your research for you. I'm not going to try and point you to every time the GOP has cut Medicaid in Bama or the number of food stamps vs the number who deserve them. I'm just asking you to look into your own heart and think about it. You might disagree with me and that's fine. But, don't be knee jerk to demonise the Democrats and I will try not to be knee jerk to demonize the Republicans.

Finally, and then I'm done with "The Donald." I remember being on a forum back in the day of the Gadsden Times which was my old hometown paper and I was delighted to be able to connect though the technology of the web.

 I was in Colorado at the time. Anyway, there was this young atheist who was also a liberal. I disagreed with him on religion but agreed with some of his politics.

Well, he made some comments about Jesus (not really nasty just not real reverent either) I knew a guy who was also discussing in the forum and I thought "Oh boy, he's gonna jump in with both feet now because he is a devout Christian." Well, he didn't. He didn't challenge the young man on any point and let it go. But, then the young atheist said something bad about the Republican party and the Republican President (Would have been Bush at that time.) OMG! This Christian jumped in with both feet to defend the honor of the GOP and the Republican Prez. I have noticed that alot. I don't know when being a person of faith started meaning you had to defend corrupt politicians. But, it said a lot to me on what some of these so called devout people put first. And it wasn't the love of Christ by any stretch. It was the love of a political party and political power. Just sayin'.

This was going to be a longer blog on my thoughts. But, this went way longer than I intended. So, for now I'll end it and do another blog later. Cause I've go more stuff I've "thunk" about y'all. 😆

So, if you read Part one to the end I'm honored. Even if you disagree I thank you for reading.

Peace.