That's me in corner. Me in the spotlight. Losing my religion...R.E.M.
This is not a blog about how religious or not religious other people should be. This is not about me trying to ask you if I'm right or me trying to tell you your're wrong. This is just me doing a stream of consciousness about where I find myself in my sixth decade of life inside an earth suit supported by a skeleton on a rock hurtling around a sun in space. I always reserve the right to change my mind, make mistakes and even contradict myself.
I just like to take note of where I am spiritually every once in a while. It has kept me relatively sane all these years. I'm one of those people that talk to themselves out loud when I'm by myself and have a running commentary in my head at all times. I think that's one of the things that meditation does for me. It quiets the mind and stills the body. It allows you to breathe stop judging the constant flow of thoughts and actions of everyday life for a little while. No past and no present and no future. Just breathe and somehow the past,present and future are all there at once and it's okay.
I often see some of my friends post about their faith and how they live and how the rest of humanity ought to live. But, you see everybody doesn't always see things the same way. The word of the Lord to you is simply a mistranslation of an ancient text or a myth to them. Science to you can often be simply a misunderstanding of reality to somebody else who has experienced something that you call scientifically impossible. But, let me tell you once you have actually had a dream that predicts something and it comes to pass then there is no way to go back to the sterile view that everything is explained by chemicals. One you have studied how scripture or canon was put together and understand just a little of the political propaganda of the so called church fathers then you can never go back to viewing something that is ancient and passed down from word of mouth to word of mouth and based on other ancient stories as fact or absolute.
Still, I'm not trying to bash religion or say that science isn't real. I might have been a raving lunatic and an alcoholic or at least a lost cause without the foundation of prayer and hope that the faith of my Grandmother instilled in me. Without science my heart would have given out and I would have been unable to see enough in my youth to read a book or even watch a movie. So, I'm not anti anything or at least not anti faith or anti science. I just don't have any confidence in religious fundamentalist or people who claim that we are nothing but meat sacks and chemical reactions and I have my reasons for the way I feel.
Stephen King once was asked if he believed in God. The person who asked reminded him of something he had already said about ten years earlier about God. He said something along the lines of "Don't try to pin me down as if I don't have the right to change my view on something." That's kind of how I feel. My view on religion and life has changed over the years and I reserve the right to change my mind.
But right now in the month of August in my 63rd year around the sun in the oh so strange year of 2020 this is how I feel right now. I tend to think that if we are an eternal soul that we have been here before or at least the "I Am" part of us didn't just happen to start when the sperm met the egg. I have come to think that consciousness is the cause of all reality and not that matter came first.
People like Donald Hoffman and Bernardo Kastrup to name a couple of them have made some statements and research that at least for me makes a lot of sense as to why the world is as we see it. https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-evolutionary-argument-against-reality-20160421/
I don't do guru's and so while I am certainly impressed by folks like this I am by no means saying they have absolute truth. I also have been impressed along my journey by Dr. Ian Stephenson and the University of Virginia Department of Perceptual Studies. https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/
I personally have some memories that I've had all of my life that point to past lives. I don't say much about it because for one thing I'm now sixtythree years old and those memories have certainly been impacted by time and life. Also, talking about such things where I'm from can get you looked at funny at least and shunned as a lunatic or possessed by the devil at worse. So, Imma leave this here and shut up.
Well at least not talk too much about it. As the comedian Ron White once said "I had the right to remain silent. But, not the ability."
I have done a lot things in my youth but I also have worked hard to take care of my family. One reason I worked towards a social work degree later in life was so I could provide for my family and have a little job security. I had no idea how cut throat social services could be. But, that's another story and as a retired social worker I no longer have to deal with that.
But, anyway somewhere along the way I found myself doing what ever job I could to put food on the table and I can remember working at a part time job while my wife was a full time soldier in military intelligence. I found myself working a the base Popeyes while also working towards my degree.
I don't see what's so triffic about creating people and then gettin' upset cos they act like people...Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman...Good Omens.
One day I found myself making chicken overa hot vat of oil. Now, this was a huge vat and you put the batter on the chicken and you carefully lowered it into the hot oil. You would burn yourself just from the heat coming off of the vat much less actually splattering the hot grease. I thought back to the fire and brimstone preaching of my youth and the talk about how God loves you but he absolutely will let you burn in fire and brimstone forever if you don't say the sinners prayer and follow Jesus. By the way he made Jesus go through torment just so he could look at all of us little worms down here without destroying us.
So, there I am sweating over that hot vat of grease and I thought about one of my worst enemies. Back at General Forrest Junior High I knew a dude that was the meanest kid I ever had the misfortune to meet. I mean her reveled in tormenting someone who was smaller and had certain physical limitations. This kid was MEAN.
But, as I stood over that hot grease I remember thinking I wouldn't take the tip of that mean dude's little finger and touch it in that grease. I wouldn't stand by and watch my most hated (and thank God I don't hate anybody) but even if I did I couldn't stand the thought of them being in that kind of pain and torment. So, no I no longer believe or even want anything to do with a so called god that could do that or allow that to happen to a living creature. So, I will bless you if you are a fundamentalist but I will never be in your club.
The thing is I truly do believe that we are loved unconditionally at the spiritual level. That our being is part of the divine and we are more than mere meatbots with no other purpose than to live a few short years and hope we win the sperm lottery. I have reasons for that and have even had experiences that point to that.
Two kinds of people I have learned not to spend much energy arguing with are devout religious people which in my neck of the woods are mostly Christian and hardened atheist that yell "SCIENCE" at everyone as if science were some individual entity walking around instead of a whole host of disciplines that we use to research our world that we live in and hopefully make easier for the coming generations.
I would never join any club that would have me as a member...Groucho Marx
I often talk with God. I have changed over the years and my conception of God has changed over the years. I have become a Universalist which means that I think that Love never fails and that on some eternal day all creation and all the cosmos will be reconciled back to the source of love that launched it. But, those are just words and words are never sufficient when talking about things of the heart and imagination and spirit.
I'm thankful for my journey. I have come to believe that everything is one eternal moment so I don't spend as much time regretting my past as I used to do. I think in the end it all ends up back home.
There is a writer taken home at an early age. But, she came to know more wisdom in 37 years than I have managed in 63. So, this is from her:
When we require that all people must say the same words or subscribe to the same creeds in order to experience God, We underestimate the scope and power of God's activity in the world...Rachel Held Evans.
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