I didn't come here (and I ain't leavin')

   So, there I was minding my own business and all of a sudden I emerge here on earth over sixty years ago. With some hazy memories of an old man walking down some stairs and sitting in a chair and then...

Right smack in the middle of the Bible Belt in Ala-damn-bama, U.S.A. to a teenage mother and an absent father and thankfully two grandparents who were happy to see me.  I'm not going to argue the merits of that old time religion because to be honest I have mixed emotions about it. While I have come to doubt the fundamentalist religion I grew up with. The faith and prayers I was taught as a child has saved my sanity and maybe my life on more than one occasion. Still, the false guilt and just so stories of an angry Deity didn't help my sanity. So, I'll call it even and keep going on down the road.

  I've gotten over the need to convince people of anything. So, I don't spend a lot of time trying to prove my beliefs or my political leanings to people. I have come to think of life as a journey and not a destination. This is one part of it. 

Now I've heard there was a secret chord. That David played and it pleased the Lord. But, you don't really care for music do ya? ...Leonard Cohen

  I sometimes think I've seen and heard that secret chord but then the earth rotates and I think I miss the beat. I spent a lot of my early life trying to play the tune that would please other people. As a child you try to say the things that will please your parents so they will give you what you want or at least not (as we say in the south) whup your ass. 

Then you try to please the teacher so you can get a passing grade and move up to the next level. You try to please the preacher so you can be "saved" and join the church. You try to please the girl or boy depending on your gender or preference so you can uhh, well anyway.

You try to please God so that you can get the right job so you can get the right girl so you can have the right uhh, anyway.

Wait a minute. Am I doing the male thing and making this all about getting uhh, you know. 

That's what she said...Michael from "The Office." 

Then this thing called social media comes along and everybody has to make sure that everybody else knows how great "my" family and friends have got it and did you see the picture I posted from my phone at the Olive Garden last night of my salad and bread sticks?

It goes like this the fourth, the fifth the minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king composing Hallelujah. ...Leonard Cohen

  Well, I admit I'm baffled alright. I'm not the king but still aren't we all the kings and queens of our little domains? I sometimes feel out of place and out of time. I think if I could just pop back to around the early to mid 70's I could find something I misplaced. 

  Must have been my hair. I haven't seen that in awhile. But, no that's not it. Maybe that feeling of youth that the road in front of me is longer than I can ever get finished traveling? No, that's not it because that road sure don't seem as long in front of me in this part of the journey. 

and dream of the soft look your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep...Yeats

I remember youth alright. It was an amazing and crazy and sad and exhilarating time.Some say youth is wasted on the young but I disagree. Because if I hadn't of had the silliness of youth then it wouldn't have been youth.

Don't bogart that joint my friend, pass it over to me...Little Feat

I do wish I had paid more attention though. Stayed a little more soberly focused. Not to be extremely serious because life is too important to be serious all the time. I knew a girl in the 80's. I swear I can't remember her name but back then I wuz in luv. Anyway, I remember that she was smart. She said once that she wished she hadn't done so many drugs in her teens because she felt she would be a lot smarter than she was. I understood. Still do.

Not that I was a drug head in my teens. I actually was pretty spaced out without the use of chemicals back then. Still am at times but that's another story.

I know what freedom means to me. And I can't give a reason why. I should ever wanna die...Eagles "Twenty one."

  I don't think we are mistakes so I really feel like we are on an eternal journey back to God, Source or higher self. I personally still pray and so I feel it's a journey back to a personal God or Ground of Being. But, if you don't then I don't think it matters. I highly doubt there is a petty old angry man somewhere marking your name out of a book just because you question reality. 

Sometimes to keep it together, you got to leave it alone...Eagles "Wasted Time." 

  So, I won't be voting for Trump and I don't care if it makes some silly macho type mad at me. Some of you think if you talk in a slow southern drawl and can pull a trigger that makes you a man. It doesn't. Any idiot can pull a trigger.

I also won't be voting for any far left wing social warrior who thinks I am some kind of scourge on the earth and have privilege. Child if you had of lived my life you would be over in the corner in the fetal position sucking your thumb. 

Also, just because I do speak with a slow southern accent doesn't make me stupid or less of a man.

So you can get on with your search  baby. And I can get on with mine... Eagles

  No matter where I go. There I am. 

Says she talks to angels. They call her out by name....The Black Crowes.

I try to listen to my better angels at least some of the time. I do have reason to think they are there. But, I'm hard headed. So, I have to hope my guardian Angel is merciful. Because some days I can feel the hope of forever but, other days it just seems like a play written by an idiot...Apologies to Shakespeare.

I was watching a youtube video recently. Stephen King was asked what he felt happened when we die. I don't know why but we seem to really put a lot of stock in what famous people say about life and death. But, I digress. I agreed however with his answer. He said that he believes we go on. Because we are so cool and it would be a real tragedy if we just stopped. So, he chooses to believe we go on.

I agree. I choose to listen in the end to my better angels. It may seem like a play written by an idiot on some days. But, that's just because the idiots grab the pen sometimes. But, in the end I have reason to believe that a master storyteller has already written an ending that is out of this world. 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  

Peace!

The Road Goes on Forever!

 I recently purchased the Prime video download of Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I haven't watched it all the way through since first seeing in in theaters back in the day. One of the things I remember about that movie is the look some people had on their faces walking out. They kind of looked a little dazed or a little bit like "wow." I can hear the familiar tones in my head do,do,do,do doo tune even as I write this.

 I think that is one of the first times I really asked myself if I would go with an alien on what we often called a flying saucer back then. My answer was Yes, Yes I would. It would be years later that I read Whitley Strieber's account called "Communion" about what he at first thought was alien abduction. He has since been caricatured and dismissed by a lot of people. But, if you actually read what he says it's pretty damn deep and not about an alien abduction at all. At least not since he first wrote Communion. 

I'm married to a genuine Trekkie. She can tell you the dimensions of the Star Ship Enterprise and the different warp speeds and how the physics of Star Trek work. I can't and actually I find the whole Star Trek thing boring. Which will cause Star Trek fans to lose their collective minds and look at you as if you had cussed in church. On the other hand I know that look because music fans often give me the same look when I say Bruce Springsteen is horribly depressing and the Rolling Stones are far superior to the Beatles. 

But, why do I think Captain Kirk and the gang including the Next Generation and all the rest are boring? Well, in all honesty I don't think the show's themselves are boring. I really do think the overly dramatic William Shatner original is boring. Although I love the eye candy from the sixties. the set's always look exotic and have that cheesy feel. But, the over acting and the drama is a bit much. I really like The Next Generation and Voyager and DS9. So, it's not so much the show itself that I find boring. It's the philosophy of the show that I find boring.

 I've always thought that if we ever do meet aliens then I bet it will be a blast. Some people are stuck in the Star Trek mode of it will just be super smart humans that know science and math and will tell us how stupid we are. Or the old "why would aliens talk to us?" we don't talk to ants. But, ya know what? If we saw ants building tiny satellites and sending out signals then we might just  try to talk to them. So, that's kind of a silly argument in my opinion. 

I also see where people will say that religion would be changed and people would lose their minds. But, I often think that yes, religion would be challenged but so would science. We might finally learn that we are not simply brain farts or products of a meaningless universe. We might even learn about God although I understand that word has a lot of religious baggage. I think it would be fascinating to meet someone who is evolved not only technologically and physically but spiritually as well. 

I've always loved the romance and mystery of the open road. I think Americans in general and males in particular love the thought of the freedom and the mystery of just traveling an endless and fascinating road. Or it could just be me. I was born and raised in Northeast Alabama in Gadsden/ Etowah County. I can remember outside Altoona/Walnut Grove Alabama seeing  these black top country roads. The roads in the south in the summer heat simmers and you see the waves of it in front of you. In the winter that black tar or pavement looks cold and hard. But, as you travel down the country lane into the trees you get the magical feeling that you could go anywhere. 

I was always disappointed a little bit once I found the end of the road. It really didn't go on and on forever. It stopped just over the next hill or ran back into the highway and from there into the town and that was it. But, in my mind it could be endless. 

I read a book once about a guy who died. He woke up on a long road in the afterlife. It was great because he would travel and come upon people and places  from his earthly life. The childhood store from his old neighborhood. The girl from the sixth grade or the teacher or friend he once knew. The road went on and on. He could stop and live by the ocean forever or until he got ready to move on again. He could be in the country or city. It was endless and he could even leave the road and do something else. He did and had some other deeper stuff that I don't remember a lot of unless I read it again and don't think it would be something for me to blog about. 

But the concept was fascinating to me. So, aliens and open roads and thoughts of no limits existence are always attractive to me. I think I'll watch Close Encounters again on one of these rainy fall or winter days. It more than likely will hold up okay but it won't be like 1975 and I have a lot more miles along this road than I did then.

  I read once where an author thought that aliens had been involved in a galactic war and had come to earth and all our religious myths and belief's were started by them That they implanted some of their own seed in the prehistoric humans and that is why our brains grew and our species survived and we are at the top of the food chain. Now, do I believe that? No. But, do I entertain the thought that maybe we are being nursed along and watched and that maybe a culture that we would call angels or supernatural will show themselves? Maybe. I don't have to believe it as a religion to have fun and think "what if?" 

Whitley Strieber once said that the visitors (because he doesn't think they are from outer space but are inter dimensional beings) told him "We recycle souls." Now before you say how crazy that sounds do me a favor. Remember I'm quoting what somebody else said so don't blame me. Also, the scientist that the French Scientist in Close Encounters is based on is a real person. Dr. Jaques Vallee. He has done some research since the 60's and he also thinks a lot of our religious and Celtic and other world myths are based on actual encounters with a superior intelligence. Maybe inter dimensional. It's a really deep rabbit hole and once you start down it you realize that it's not so easy to dismiss it as quackery. At least not in total.

But, I still like the myth of the space brothers giving me a ride in their UFO and seeing some cool constellations and stars and planets and worlds within worlds. 

 Would I go on a spaceship if something like that actually existed? the older I get the more likely I would be to do it. I've found that when you get older. People kind of think you are in a certain box. They think they know your religion and your political views and your attitudes based on your accent and your grey hair and the wrinkles on your face. But, inside? Man, I'm still the kid looking out of these eyes waiting on the next great thing to happen and explore.

  So, if I had the chance and I could be sure my wife and son had all they need in this life to prosper. Then I could wait twenty more years or so until I'm really old. Then I would be glad to climb aboard that star ship. 

  But, while I really have fun with the old UFO myth and pop culture I think reality is even cooler. I think a great adventure awaits once we drop this mortal body and I am in hope that It will be endless. I think it already is.

I recently saw a youtube interview with my favorite author Stephen King and his son Joe Hill who is also a pretty good storyteller in his own right. They had a light hearted back and forth discussion at a library function somewhere in the Northeast. Probably in Maine knowing Uncle Stevie. 

One of the questions from the audience to Stephen King was "What do you think happens after death?" That's not a question that you think somebody would ask a best selling movie making mega rich author at a lighthearted "ain't we great?" book event. But, they did.

Stephen King said "I think consciousness continues. I think we go on. I choose to believe we do. Because if we don't then what a waste. We are so cool that it would be horrible if we just stopped." 

I feel really similar and that's why I am so taken by the concept of the road going on forever. With the journey never ending and the getting to know God or Source/ Ground of All Being and since we can never fully know then we keep learning and growing and playing for eternity. 

Now, you don't have to believe that. You can believe in your fire and brimstone. You can believe that science is a closed system and we just wink out and ultimately there will be nothing left. You can just ignore the question and that's okay in my opinion. But, in the night I find great peace in considering my eternal being and the eternal being of my loved ones and really of all of us. 

I was doing a meditation the other night. I find that guided meditations on Audible or Youtube or even Amazon Music help me to relax and fall asleep. The soft conversation like tone of the narrator as they guide me through relaxing my limbs and smoothing out the tension behind my eyes. I remember as a child I would listen as the adults talked in the other room after I was put to bed. The soft voices would carry me off to sleep. 

As I got older I would tune my radio to the far away cities in Saint Louis or Chicago and drift off either to the talk show host or the music from WLS in Chicago. I have always been able to drift off in front of the TV or listening to the radio. 

Anyway, back to my original thought about Meditation. The Meditation teacher asked at the start of this paticular meditation: Are you asleep or are you awake? 

I think I'm sleeping for the most part. But, one day that road will open up and I'll be fully awake.

Peace!