Stuck in the middle

 Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I've got the feeling that something ain't right...Stealers Wheel.

So there I was a boomer on the interwebs. I made the mistake of saying skin color was a stupid way for humanity to hate each other over. OMG! I was all of a sudden a racist, a colonizer and a white person that should just shut up! Accused of sodomizing my cartoon profile Snoopy to causing genocide since Jesus was a baby. 

I'm so scared I guess I'll fall off my chair. And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs...Stealers Wheel

So there I was. A boomer surfing the World Wide Webs. I simply said that any man who had oppressed women and made fun of the handicapped wasn't fit to be President and certainly wasn't Christ like. OMG! I was all of a sudden an anti Christian limp wristed America hating sob. I probably had sex with my sister (man, left and right y'all sure do have some strange sexual kinks) and I obviously thought Joe Biden was the equal of St. John and Obama was Jesus. Man. Left and right y'all sure do have some odd religious hang ups.

Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right here I am. Stuck in the middle with you...Stealers Wheel

So there I am. A beat up boomer daring to engage the World Wide interweb of knowledge again. I said I thought that everybody has a right to be who they are. Man or woman if you ask me nicely to call you a he or she then I will. But, in my humble opinion you can't magically be an honest to God woman if you never had a period and don't have a womb. But, if in your heart you feel you have the soul of a woman I can respect that and will acknowledge your inner female. OMG! All of a sudden i'm a Neanderthal that hates science (although science says what I said) wants to see the World burn in global warming and more than likely wants to install Nazi Germany type hate in the US government.

And I'm stuck in the middle with you. And I'm wondering what it is I should do. It's so hard to keep this smile off my face losing control yeah, I'm all over the place...Stealers Wheel.

So. There I am. A beat up boomer with internet induced ptsd. I have always felt that we are born to be who we are. Gay people have a perfect right to marry. Marriage is a civil contract. The bible isn't a single book and governing a nation based on 6000 year old Jewish dietary laws and hundreds of translations overseen by men in Rome wearing pope hats is not a good idea. OMG! I'm all of a sudden a sodomite who probably doesn't love dear President Trump and secretly hates America and Jesus and doesn't have a Franklin Graham gold star for supporting wiping out heathen aboriginal pagan practices in the name of good old American evangelism. 

Clowns to the left of me jokers to the right Here I am. Stuck in the middle with you. When you started out with nothing And you're proud that you're a self made man. And your friends they all come crawling. Slap you on the back and say 

Please

Please...Steelers Wheel

So there I am. A confused Jesus following none judging everybody in the pool social media interweb surfing boomer. When I happen to see a billionaire black man who plays a sport that takes advantage of slave labor in China. So he says it's hard to be a black man in America. I simply point out that it's hard to be poor anyplace but if you have enough green in your pocket you're good. OMG! All of a sudden there are 25 year old upper middle class black kids and white social justice warriors telling me that I should just quit talking. Because my little 65 year old white privileged butt that comes from the foothills of Appalachia in North Alabama whose granddaddy was a coal miner couldn't possibly understand the hardship of struggle.

Well I don't know why I came here tonight. I got the feeling that something ain't right. I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair. And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs...Steelers Wheel

So there I am. A worn out shell shocked boomer with a big mouth surfing the highways and byways of the world wide net. I happen to say that although I hate abortion that if men could get pregnant you would be able to get an abortion from a vending machine. Also we should expand Medicaid and do some of that Jesus stuff like providing food and shelter and treating people the way we want to be treated. OMG! Not only did I want to give money and food to deadbeats but I was a baby killing Satanist who wanted to make the US into a communist nation and burn down all the churches and probably  wasn't very good at football.But I said I didn't like the way the left acted like abortion was a holy rite of passage for women and I didn't like the right forcing rape victims and children to have babies. OMG! I'm no longer welcome at the big tent of the Democrats or the holy church of the GOP! I'm now a racist, anti black white hating homophobe,gay loving, religious fanatic,Jesus hating left wing far right conservative liberal scum bag.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you...Steelers Wheel.

So there I am. A shell shocked tattered Southern male boomer. I'm going out to the mailbox to get my monthly white privilege check. Then I'm going to my godless atheist America hating meeting. But, first I have to stop by my church to pick up my sister wife and plot the overthrow of all the free world and impose Fox News as the official truth teller of the nation. As soon as I stop by the home office of MSNBC and make sure my version of facts is universally acknowledged.

Peace!