Just a couple comments before I start.
I titled this a Christian heretic reads 1st Samuel. I first read the bible in my youth and even into my later days as a born again evangelical Christian. I chose Christian heretic because I can't be a Muslim heretic or a Buddhist heretic or any other kind. Because I'm not Muslim or Buddhist or atheist or any other theist. I was born and raised in the church and I still consider the idea of the source of all being putting on humanity to be the greatest act of love and the most "God Thing" of any of the world's religions.
What this is not:
It's not an argument of why I left evangelical fundamentalist religion.
It's not asking the church for permission to call myself a Jesus Follower.
It's not asking atheists permission to still consider myself intelligent without abandoning all hope of love, spirit and meaning beyond chemical firings in a temporary organ located inside my skull.
It's also not an argument to prove I'm right.
You are free to call me a superstitious idiot for believing in a higher power. You are free to call me a hell bent sinner for thinking for myself. Although the people some of y'all populate heaven with and the angry old wrathful blood thirsty Jehovah would be hell to me. But, I digress.
I read the ebook NIV version from the Bible Gateway App. Two reasons. One is that my 65 year old eyes need the adjustable font and backlight of the kindle. The second reason is the NIV is my favorite version. It's also what I used when Cindy and I attended the Gadsden Vinyard Fellowship. My pastor there who will in some ways always be my pastor although he certainly wouldn't agree with my theology once said jokingly "NIV" Necessary in Vinyard.
Anyway 1st Samuel is a fascinating prophetic and very spiritual book. It's also earthy, crude and violent. From gathering foreskins of enemies to killing every man, woman, child and animal in a village it's not exactly a "Christian"sounding book. Because it's not. It's a very Jewish, Eastern crude and even poetic book. I think the parts I always loved were when God calls Samuel. I have felt that quiet voice when you just know it's the real thing. No, I'm not a prophet. But, taken away from the evangelical rewrite of history the prophet was basically someone who was psychically in tune with pure consciousness. At least in my opinion.
Reading it at 30 years old from a young man's Christian perspective I remember how I felt about it. It was awesome that I was reading it at a time when the Vinyard movement was still a young movement. Late 80's to early 90''s. I was excited to have found a church that was playing worship songs with a rock beat and talking about prophecy as an intuition and just hanging out and talking with God as if you were having a conversation. The focus was on music, fellowship and I was meeting young professionals who were academics and talked about science fiction and could have a beer without thinking the wrath of God was going to consume us. Although coffee was the brew of choice.
Reading it some 30 or more years later as an older adult. I still enjoyed it. That's rare for me to say about a book of the bible.Especially an old testament book I remember even in my youth falling asleep part way through Deuteronomy. But, First Samuel has a lady being made fun of for not having children. Then God blesses her with children especially the first one who turns out to be Samuel an eventual prophet of God. Then Israel wants a king and God says "That's not a real good idea" but if they want one I'll give them one.
Then comes Saul who is flawed and then comes David and the evangelicals don't even want to talk about David and Jonathan and Jonathan stripping naked and the love that was more than the love of women. Yeah I know. If like me you were raised in the church one of the Southern seminaries explained all that away. But, reading it as an older man who doesn't have to read it like a good Christian youth I'm able to step back and say hmmm. But, I digress.
Then you have David slaying Goliath and God sending an evil spirt of God to Saul. And Saul acting like a vengeful killer one moment and stand up guy the next. Again, my Christian upbringing was to ignore the killing and the fact that God can't do evil but the bible says the evil spirit on Saul was from God. I understand these days that translations and ancient times can't be put in modern day terms word for word or meaning for meaning.
Then you have David. Raiding villages and killing men, women and children so that no witness remains. Holy Sopranos Batman! Again, as a young Christian I just accepted that God had his reasons and I couldn't judge. But, these days I don't see that as a good excuse for killing kids.
Eli, who was Samuel's mentor, had sons that disobeyed the Lord and so Samuel was raised up. Samuel's sons also committed the same sins and met the same fate. I also noticed the boundaries that were set where God was said to protect the people. It brought back the idea that the God of the desert to the Jews at that time was a territorial God and not depicted as the Almighty father that those of us who grew up in the church were taught.
David would not be a Sunday School attendee. If he wanted a woman he would take her. This "one man, one woman" thing of the modern American church wasn't something the ancient Hebrews would have agreed with. First Samuel is very much an ancient Jewish writing.
My take away:
I absolutely love First Samuel. It's human and mystical and gritty and blood and guts and emotion. As a spiritual person it gives me reason to get quiet before the mystery that is the connection between flesh and spirit. Just to get quiet and wait on that still voice and be in awe of the interaction.
However, if I were still a fundamentalist the problem of thinking God literally told these people to kill men, women and children would be horrible. There is no way to read it as a fundamentalist and not have to condone and make excuses for murder. Sorry, That's just the way it is. 1 plus 1 equals 2. However, read as part of a journey of a people who lived and died in the mud and gore and not taking it as the literal absolute will of God. I can read it as I honestly think it stands I'm not a scholar of ancient Hebrew or ancient peoples. So, I won't pee up your leg and tell you it's raining. I don't understand a lot of the details. I don't think God sends evil spirits on people. I don't think God kills or is pleased when people kill women and children. Or men for that matter.
But, I do think people get caught up within themselves. I do believe the same person that listens for that still voice of God is also capable of walking away from that experience and still being consumed by their own fear, lust and anger. It's the human condition.
So, my feeling is I'm really Spiritually encouraged by the voice of Deity in the still quiet moments. I'm also pleased that I can be human and still find hope and purpose.
1st Samuel is like most of the Old Testament. It's a tough read if you take it as the absolute will of God.In that regard it's not quite as hard on me now as it was in my younger days. But, it's still hard. On the other hand it's more like what we are as humans even in this day. We can love and hate. Birth and kill. Nurture and destroy. 1st Samuel is really about religious scribes and authorities making God in their own image. Religion is great at that.
We do the same thing to not only our idea of God but also our idea of country, politicians and even our approach to science. We want what we want and we want it now.
So, I'm not mocking the bible or faith. I'm not mocking anybody or their idea of who and what they are or God is or isn't. I'm coming to the mystery quietly and with my ears open and my mouth shut. I hope if God says my name I'm able to listen. I might not listen as a religious dogmatist. But, as a person and as an aware being I anxiously and hopefully listen.
Peace.
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