Is it life or a dream?

 Meditation: I first got into meditation years ago. But, I didn't really practice it regularly until around 2015 or so when I was having a really hard time due to an unexpected financial event that threatened my peace of mind and ability to make a living. Thankfully with intense meditation, prayer and a supporting wife things worked out. But, I also got busy and meditation has been more sporadic for a while. However, this time after retiring I have again started or at least tried to do regular practice. Thankfully, my practice this time isn't out of depression or worry but for the peace and focus it brings. I also use it at night to help me fall asleep. Yoga Nidra helps with that. It's not physical yoga so I'm not twisting myself into a pretzel. It's a technique of stillness and bringing attention to the body in order to observe and still the constant motion. 

One of the most intense things for me with meditation happened not long ago. I was listening to a yoga nidra guided meditation. In the space between waking and sleeping I found myself inside an intense bright light. It was brighter than the sun but didn't burn or hurt my eyes. I only stayed there a few moments but it was something I'll never forget. I was at peace. It reminded me that I'm more than the sum total of my body parts or a chemical reaction in my brain. I think God uses things like that to clear out the pipes once in a while and remind me that this is a dream. A very persistent wonderful, tragic dream but still compared to forever it's a dream.

I had been having some flashes of that light in dreams leading up to the experience of being in the light. Also, I have since my youth had moments of having my head fill with a soft light during the period between waking and sleep. Meditation for me is like prayer only instead of a religious shopping list I'm trying to listen instead of talking and vocally asking for stuff.

I don't do religion anymore. I'm not mad at religion like some atheists I've met who were former Christians. Talk about anger. But, some have good reason to be angry. I'm just not one of them.Religion and fire and brimstone just seem silly to me and actually cruel when people think that they have to please an angry old man in the sky who "loves" them so much that he will allow the flames of their torment to waft up forever. Yikes! No thanks, I'm driving. But, if it works for you (and it worked for me in my youth) then more power to you. Just understand I'm not buying it anymore and haven't for years.

I also don't buy atheism. To think that the world is just a sperm lottery and all the pain of ;the holocost and the slavery of people and  rape of women and all the cancer wards and children torutred is just luck of the draw and dead is dead? Insane. No, I don't think existence works like that. But, that is part of a longer post about why I'm not an atheist. But in all honesty I don't think it matters what religion you believe or even if you are an atheist or Muslim or Christian or whatever. I truly have only one religion. That religion is "Treat others the way you want to be treated." I think once we die we will find ourselves much like we do in this life. On a plane of existence that resonates with our own inner life and maybe even more so. But, that's my opinion and I'm sure I'm welcome to it. 

Reincarnation: I had past life memories from my childhood. But, I didn't even know that past life was back then and so I didn't really follow up and by the time I was able to read and research for myself those memories were way in the past and hard to really pull up. Still, it resonates with me. Not because I desire it which is what some people might think. But, because it makes sense to me. I've also had some lucid dreams and met a person or two along the way that felt familiar to me like an old friend or a long lost loved one. Doesn't happen often but it does happen. 

It makes more sense than an angry god who tells a powerful evil angel to go to the earth and if you can fool those naked apes into following you I will burn them in torment. But, if they say the magic words before they die then no matter if they have been evil or murder somebody I'll give them heaven. But, even if they feed the poor and love their neighbor if they don't say the magic words then I'll torment them. To show how much I love them. So as I said before. I don't do religion.

On the other hand I don't do atheism either. Because of my own experiences and because of sanity. To think that we are just a byproduct of a primordial soup is laughable. To think that the way evolution which is so precise and wondrous in the way life proceeds is all an accident is very unlikely.  Also, to think as I said before that all the suffering of creation means nothing means the universe is evil at best and insane at worst. 

Another reason I lean towards reincarnation is that it makes sense. The fact is that science back in the day thought life came from death. They saw that rotten meat had maggots and flies and assumed that therefore matter produced life. That seems laughable now but it is what it is. But, even now to think that an organ in my head is responsible for everything I am will one day also seem laughable. At least that's what I think and it really does look that way because regardless of skeptics saying that there is not proof of psychic phenomena there are all kinds of studies that have been done over the years that show the statistical relevance of ESP and other psi. Also, the studies of past life memories in children by Dr. Ian Stevenson and the University of Virginia Department of Perceptual Studies.

 I don't see anything in the sperm and the egg itself that would contain an eternal spirit or produce consciousness. So to me it seems likely that if we are eternal manifestations of consciousness then we have no beginning or ending in flesh. Consciousness is primary and matter is secondary. Not the other way around. So, those people waiting for life to emerge from the brain are like those scientists from the 17th century or so waiting for rotten meat to produce life. Not calling my brain rotten meat. Not yet anyway. Just saying that it is a receiver/conductor and not first cause. As Wordsworth said we really do come to this world "Trailing Clouds of Glory." 

I understand that this is my opinion and I'm not trying to upset anybody's view of reality. I'm not trying to put down faith or anybody's view of science. I love science. I see because of glasses and I walk around in this world because of heart surgery. I love faith. I was baptised as a child and have had a lift long inner dialog with "God" be it the times I called Jesus, Holy Spirit or Father. I just no longer feel God fits in a box and I no longer feel God is a "he." But, that's okay because I don't even know for sure what kind of being I am, much less how to totally define the Divine. 

So, anyway, that's my thoughts right now. Sometimes I just like to type them out and see what they look like on paper. Will people see them and think "OMG, he's lost his ever loving mind," Or my Southern friends and family think "Bless his Heart." which for the Northerners means "OMG, he's lost his ever loving mind." Anyway it's a  journey and I'm still in the midst of it. 

I wish you Peace. 

Lisey's Story Revue

 Wow! Great immersive story. I've been reading Stephen King since the 70's. At 64 I am a long time Constant Reader. So this wasn't my first time reading "Lisey's Story." I actually didn't like it at all when I first read it. Through the year's many of the people who like Stephen King still dislike this book. It's a little meandering and there is the intimate story of a marriage told in flashback style all through the novel.

But once you fall through the hole in the page it's a story that comes alive in your mind. The supernatural elements seem to fit seamlessly so that you don't really have to suspend belief to accept them. They are just there. Of course. Like preferring cream in your coffee or sugar in your tea. Just part of the narrative. 

Stephen King was quoted somewhere as saying this was his best work or his favorite work. I thought "yeah right." yawn. But, I realized I had rushed through it when I first read it. I also realized I didn't even really remember the plot. So, I found it months ago in a Dailey Deal for Amazon Kindle. $2.99 or whatever it was that day is a steal for a Stephen King novel. 

So, I finally downloaded it to my Fire and started reading it slowly. Kind of read a little then go on to other books or TV or whatever. Then I found the hole in the page at some point. Lisey became alive and I wondered how she was doing with Scott and her sisters. The space cowboy (you have to read it for that to make sense) and the pie bald long boy. 

Being retired I now have more time to savor a book. If you want a quick, lean read this isn't it. But, if you want to get caught up in a story and the inner life of a character and relationship this is good. I know that sounds like a romance and I'm not into that.

But, trust me. This isn't a romance bodice ripper. This is blood and guts narrative with horror, crime and relationships. I can finally see why Stephen King is so high on this book. I like Salem's Lot and The Shining more as far as ranking books. But, this one has more depth. Highly recommended.

Of cabbages and kings.

   I have taken a break from politics and religion on facebook. I still put some sayings from some of my spiritual journey and I still from time to time make a poltical statement. Especially on news groups such as al.com or 3340.com. I feel those are kind of community boards and free for all political speech. But, I often see things on  friends pages and start to type and then back off. Or better yet just keep on scrolling. The good part of just posting jokes and far side memes is that you don't insult people or try to manipulate or express you deepest thoughts. 

The bad part of that is you don't express your deepest thoughts or engage in any kind of meaningful dialog. Still, I have certain facebook groups I interact with and some of them do engage with religion or politics and I can express my spiritual questions. A couple even allow for health and sexual questions so there is a nitch that I can interact with without making my facebook page a running argument.

Politics: First let me say this and I don't think I've ever been as bi partisan as I'm about to be here. I will use my home state of Alabama as a basis for my financial statement so if you live in Europe or Southern California or the Northeast then you can adjust the math for your area.

For the sake of argument then here goes: If you make One Hundred Thousand dollars and up a year and you are a Democrat you're a dummy. If you make sixty thousand or less and you are a Republican. You're  a dummy. If you make anywhere from $40,000 and below and you are a Republican then you are a stone cold IDIOT! Now that is as blunt as I can be.

So when I hear people who are doing well say I vote GOP then I understand. I might not agree. But, I fully understand. But, when I hear people that are one paycheck away from losing their home or one injury or heart attack or car wreck away from financial ruin spouting about how they don't want to support dead beats who don't have health insurance I honestly cringe. 

Healthcare: I don't really understand people who say healthcare isn't a right. It's a privilege. Well, you know what? It's not a privilege or a right. It's a human need. And if you are so gripe gutted and spiritually blind that you think a person should die of cancer of heart disease or diabetes in a nation with all of our resources then I  got nothing else to say to you.

Abortion: Yeah I'm a little left of center and yeah I hate abortion. I cringe at people who say they are pro life and then promote policies that strip Medicaid and financial assistance to pregnant mothers and struggling families. But, I honestly don't see the difference in aborting a child and supporting taking medical care away from a child's family or an adults family for that matter. Watching people die on the street homeless and hungry in a land where we throw food away because it's past it's expiration date or was left over. We can and should do better. 

Jesus: This gets tricky. I call myself a Jesus Follower these days instead of a Christian. It's because I honestly believe in treating others the way I would want to be treated. I honestly believe in the reality of God taking human experience and showing that there is no barrier between the Divine and the creatures that are a part of the Divine. I have been raised to be a Christian my entire life. I have struggled with what I see as man made dogma and the silliness of one size fits all religion. But, I have never struggled with my core relationship with God/Holy Spirit/ Christ. I don't believe in hellfire and brimstone and I don't believe a Loving God could ever rest if even one creature was outside the reach of home. So, I'm a universalist. You can google it if you don't know what a Christian Universalist is. That is if you want to do that. I don't really care  cause I ain't trying to convert anybody to my way of thinking.

I actually have my own reasons to lean towards reincarnation as a partial explanation of spiritual realty. But, that also gets swallowed up in dogma and religion easily so I don't use the word belief or believe. Honestly, I don't "believe" in god. I have a life long inner dialog that has at times been responded to in dreams, visions and intuition enough that I know with intimacy the one that I commune with. I don't believe in the sunrise or the sunset. I don't believe in the evolution of the species or the airplane flying overhead. These things are self evident to me. I don't believe in my own inner life and dreams and thoughts because no "belief" is required. That's how I look at God/Ground of all being/Goddess/All that is. But, if you don't see it that way then I don't argue or blast you. I'm right and you're not and one bright day you will see that. :-) 

Conservative: Once in a story I was reading a group of devil worshipers were doing a ceremony. In the story an actual fallen angel is watching them. The demon is disgusted with them. amatures thought the demon. They have no idea what true evil is. Well, sometimes I think that as I read some far right person calling me a libtard or snowflake. Amature! You have no idea what a conservative is. I'm not one now. But, I was one. And a damn real one. I was a "Dittohead" and I laughed at all the in jokes "From the womb to the tomb." Basetball Jones and other Limbaugh idiocy. I yelled at women thinking about abortions and I made fun of the godless idiot liberals. 

But, then slowly I started to really listen to what was being said. Limbaugh once had a show where a liberal ecology person died of cancer. He spent a whole show running chain saw effects in the background and yelling "timber" every time he mentioned her death. I came away from that show feeling like I needed a bath. It felt like he had spent the whole show throwing eggs at a funeral. So, while I honestly hate the thought of anybody including him dying of cancer. I also understand that he could be a nasty piece of work. 

Then I started to listen to how cold it was to deny people healthcare and basic human dignity. and I slowly over the years turned left and liberal. In recent years I've turned back towards the center just a little bit. I'm still a little left but not so far my brains fall out.

Anyway, this has been a hard blog to write. I have gotten to the point where politics and religion and yelling at each other just wears me out. So, I'll leave this here and continue to focus on the positive. After all life is short. This journey has gone by fast. Seems like yesterday I was a kid and now I'm 63 and counting. 

Peace.

3AM Thoughts

   Do you Love?....Skeleton Crew forward page "Stephen King."

I had the above quote rattling around in my head this morning after waking up at around 3 and stumbling to the bathroom. Sounds like a nice little quote and certainly it could come from any number of places. But, I heard it in my favorite authors voice. Now, if you are a Shakespeare person or a gothic romance  person or a religious person then I guess that is certainly a time for wonderful inspiration. But, if you hear it in the voice of Stephen King and your thoughts go back to the late 70's and early 80's and you remember the moment you read it? When you had hair so long that you had to constantly sweep it out of your eyes in order to see. When you had energy and felt like the days were never ending and someday your princess would come. Or prince perhaps if you were a female. But, enough about you. Lets talk about me. After all. Who does anybody love more than me? Meaning you love you and I love me and we give lip service to the rest. 

Do you Love? 

Lord Yes. I love. I love to think that I am important in the cosmos and that somehow I'm entitled to happiness. The only problem is I keep trying to find my happiness by pleasing other people. At least I used to. Now as I get older I don't try that quite so often. Life's too short. 

I've never been good at math. I've never been great at sentence structure or punctuation. But, mostly I have always seemed to struggle with math. It's as if I have a little guy in my brain. I picture it as if he has a switch. Kind of like a cartoon assembly line. Here's a word, another word. There's a complete thought. It's fine. Wait! Here comes a number. Shut it down! So he hits the button and my brain freezes up. The number goes on by and he presses the button again and my brain unfreezes.

Do you love?

I remember sitting in a classroom in elementary school. I could always read for some reason. Couldn't spell for crap. But, I could read. The little guy in my head loved words. images and colors and having my head in the clouds. So, my first grade teacher would have me read to the class out loud. I'm an introvert by nature. Just keep your head down and this too shall pass. So, one day the teacher called on me to read a passage out loud. I decided to fix this problem and show the other kid's that I fit right in. I stumbled over every word. My little mind was racing ahead because after all it was reading and I was actually good at it. 

But, on this day I stuttered and stammered and acted like I didn't know what the word was or how to pronounce it. The teacher knew I was faking but the other kid's didn't. I was fitting in right? Oh well. Not really. I was  still the little four eyed nerd that talked through his nose and the bullies were still bullies. But, I was trying to please.

Do you love?

Anyway, as the years went by I was constantly trying to please. I checked the boxes after a slow start in my youth. 1. Girls: Liked them. A lot. 2. Sports: I liked sports. Followed sports. But, wasn't anybody's pick at running back or point guard. 3. Religion: I had always talked to God in my mind so religion came fairly naturally. 4. Job: I was a slow starter. But, once I did put my nose to the old grindstone I kept at it. 5. College: I went off and on. Finally finished a Social Work Degree but we won't discuss how many starts and stops and years that took. I did it and that's a checkmark. I also got married and held my son (Lord, I was afraid I would drop him.) I remember shaking I was so scared. But, the nurse said I could and seemed to think I should. There is nothing like holding your child and being with your wife and child in bed thinking "We made this."

Do you love?

I think about "love" a lot these days. I hear people throw it around all the time. I love you. But, then they get mad and decide they don't love the person at all. Or if they are a good Southerner they say. "I don't hate them. I just hate their ways." A Southerner says that because they don't think Jesus would approve of them hating somebody so they just "hate their ways." Kind of like "Bless their heart" I don't hate them but I hate their ways. I hope they find God. Which in Southern speak means "I hope Karma hits them in the mouth hard."

Do you love?

Seems like since the election the conservatives have found their love of the military again. Now, they will fight anybody that says anything against it. While a certain orange man was in office it was okay to belittle Prisoners of war or at least say "I like people that don't get caught." It was okay to talk crap about a vet who was captured by the enemy while serving his country while the orange man was having bone spurs and grabbing em by the ...Well, you know. But, I'm not as thrilled as some conservatives think. I am very concerned with cancel culture and echo chambers on the left and  right. But,

Do you Love?

I hear a lot about love of country. But, which country? After all New York City is part of the country. Birmingham, Alabama is part of the country. Nebraska, Kansas, Georgia, Delaware. East to West. North to South. But those same people that "love my country" can't stand certain other people so I really don't know that they love or even know what love is.

Do you love?

I do. But, I don't try to please people anymore. I know people that are afraid to express their doubts and feelings because the church will think they are toying with the devil. I've seen people afraid to admit they don't believe all the religious stuff they were told to believe in their youth. I've seen people who pray but are afraid to mention it because somebody on facebook might think they are a kook. So, I've decided to just be me. I don't buy the religious dogma I used to buy. I still pray to a personal power that gets me through life. I don't apologize anymore, anytime, anyway for any of it.

Do you Love? 

I love to see people smile. I love to see people laugh. I love ice cream and cake. I love my wife and child. I love old friends and old flames and smoky old barrooms and  ...oh wait. I was channeling Willie Nelson there for a moment. 

Do you Love?

I do. But, the world has teeth. More teeth than  a Stephen King novel Sharper than any blade in a slasher flick. Hard surfaces and sharp edges. Love is a rose. But, you better not pick it. The thorns are sharp and when you grab it they can cut you. So, I try to let other people have space and take the love they give and forgive them when they just don't have much of it left to give. 

Do you Love?

Bless my heart. I guess I do. I don't hate. Although some people's ways are hard to understand. Thanks for reading my 3AM rambles. 

Peace! 

My friends all drive Porsche

   I was born and raised in the American South. Some of my earliest memories are of my neighborhood in the mid 60's when I was a young child. Walking to the neighborhood store and even school. One my childhood friends came up to me one day in Walnut Park Elementary in Gadsden, Alabama. A more innocent time for sure. My friend was laughing and said he wanted to tell me a secret. He had learned a new word. Now, I know in this era of HBO and Netflix and Tic Tock and Facebook it's hard to believe but we honestly didn't know as much about stuff as we would soon learn. In just another couple of years all our innocence would be gone. But, not yet.

What word? He whispered the "F" word and I asked "But, what does that word even mean?" He said "I don't know but, I heard it and said it to my mother last night." What happened? I got in big trouble. He may have elaborated but 55 years has clouded my memory of the event. You would have had to be there.

I am now my 60's and I don't know where the time went. I flash forward to my preteen years and I'm about to enter the most turbulent times of my life. But, first. I'm standing in the Baptismal Pool at Cherry Street Baptist Church in Atalla, Alabama. I'm wearing white and a man is standing in front of me with a bible asking me to look at him so the congregation will see me looking out as if over them as the preacher puts his hands on my forehead and the small of what was then my young, small back and prepares to push me under and bring me back up a new being. 

Being a devout child I was praying in my mind something to the point of "Jesus, I'm not looking at him. (meaning the man in front of me just out of sight of the congregation) I'm looking at you.  Now 50 years of so has certainly clouded my memory. But, I always felt like the baptism worked. Some people now might not think so. But, then again I'm not looking at those people. I'm looking at my own spirit and for the one source that I come from.

I'm now in my early teens. Watergate is on TV news every day and even on regular TV we see the hearings. Can you imagine? News on all day long? What will happen next, 24 hour sports? I know. Crazy right? 

But, anyway I was very young so most of what caught my attention. Because honestly I didn't pay it much mind at all back then. But, there was a tall attractive blonde lady who was married to some guy named John Dean. He was some kind of big wheel in Nixon's administration. I didn't know and didn't really care just what. But, every time the camera was on her I for some reason got interested. My young male attention was suddenly on the screen. 

Anyway, these stern faced men were talking back and forth about how Nixon had broken his oath of office. Had dishonored the office of the President of the United States of America and betrayed the trust of the American people and it had to be answered for. The thing is  I saw (when I did decide to notice at all apart from Maureen Dean) I think that was her name. But, I digress. As usual. 

Anyway, stern faced old men with a dignity and a seriousness about them talking about the good of the nation. Even the Republicans which were the party of Nixon talked about the honor of the United States of America. How one man no matter who he is can not be placed above the welfare and security of the nation. Being a young person with no  real political leanings at that time other than the quiet conservatism of my grandparents who were still FDR Democrats and not overly concerned with political matters since thanks to Roosevelt they had survived the hardest times Americans had ever gone through. But, they didn't worry much about politics. My grandmother just made sure I was in church when I was at her house.

I'm at the Birmingham Airport with my aunt and uncle. It's before watergate and teenage years. My cousin is coming home from Thailand where he is stationed with the United States Airforce during the Vietnam War. He steps off the plane. He's my hero. Dress blues and I'm looking at him as if he's magic or something. This is pride. In family, in country. In something that says "We are American."

Flash forward to the 70's. Just a toke. Don't worry you won't die or lose your mind. Are you sure? Come on dude. Okay. Puff, hack. Laughter. Wow, I'm still here. That's not bad. I'll try again.

I'm on a school bus again before the previous memory happened. A really good looking girl says "so your from Gadsden. How did you end up out here in West End?" Divorce and I'm living with my grandparents. "Well, what kind of music do you like?" Alice Cooper, Bad Company, Marshall Tucker Band, Jackson Browne. That's cool she says. What about Lynyrd Skynyrd? My youthful mind heard "Leonard Skinard" and I had no clue. So of course I said "He's pretty good." She looked at me funny and later once I heard Skynyrd and loved them I was really embarrassed. How am I ever going to look at her now? It was okay. She wasn't looking at me anyway.

So, there you have a small example of Americana. Awkward and innocent and sure that God was in his heaven, The United States was the good guy's and there was order in the universe. 

Flash back to childhood. I turn on the radio in my grandparents house. Such a high number of casualties today in Vietnam. There were protest in Washington today and in a town called Berkley in California. But, I was pretty sure America was doing the right thing.

Flash back. really early 60's. Really young child. black and white stark images on TV. A coffin draped in a United States flag. A horse drawn carriage. A big room and people with sad facers walking by the coffin. Such a great president. Cut down in his prime. But, we got the "one" guy that did it you know. Those stern faced old men were in charge and they were adults. We would be okay.

But, I wonder now in my old age where the adults went. Now, the people that told me to look out at the congregation are gone on to wherever we go when we leave here. Now, the party that told my young self when I was staring at Mrs. Dean "Look , this is America and we honor our fallen hero's and our sacred oath to our nation and to our God and to our people. They seem to be gone. A man that openly gives people he doesn't like derogatory nicknames and acts like a spastic in making fun of a young man's handicap is glorified and held up as a shining example of "God's Man." While his followers say "Who you going to believe? The orange man of God or your own lying eyes?" A man who said "We are going to gather in Washington and Stop the Steal The voting and the very foundation of the United States system is corrupt and only I and you know the truth. 

Again, when it goes bad his followers are quick to say "He didn't do it." His people didn't do it. Even though they are all over the place with their threats and records saying they were going to do it and did do it. The vote was a fraud. But, senator you won on that ballot. OH, well that part was honest. But, Senator it was the same ballot. OH, Well Shut up you godless commie socialist.

But, I digress. The bottom line is I'm still here. All my faith hasn't been completely shattered. But, I no longer really believe people who say they honor the military while they mock POW"s or support a man who does. I no longer quite believe people who say they follow a poor crucified rabbi but support a man clearing a peaceful crowd out of his way so he can have a photo op in front of a church while holding a bible upside down before being told to hole it upright. "Who's bible is it MR. President?" asked a reporter. "IT's a bible." came the retort.

Jesus Wept.

So, now here I am at the end. I still think there is a purpose and we are still on an eternal journey. My faith in country isn't as strong as it once was. My faith in God is more inward now not the "just so" faith of my childhood. Not dead and not gone. Just more. Just more inward and I protect it fiercely in my own spirit and own way. I no longer believe people when they say they are pro life but healthcare and shelter and food is a privilege and if you give the hungry a morsel they won't appreciate it anyway and don't deserve it. After all "taxes:" you know. 

Still, I'm going to keep on going as long as I'm left here. I will tell you one thing. I won't fly a Biden Flag or a Confederate flag. I won't tell you that it's God's will that you blindly support a political party. I won't look the other way and defend the Democrats and even lie for them I just won't. 

So, here we are. A new day and a new President. I don't care if you claim him or not. I don't care if you vote him out if you can or if he gets eight years. I do care that if you say you love the nation that you embrace all of what that means. That if you say you love the military that you call out people. Even orange people when they disrespect it. John Mccain fought for your right to belittle him. Donald Trump made it all about himself. Still, I'm done finally with trying to make sense out of it. 

Flash back. 1963. A flag draped coffin. A little boy even younger than me. Salutes the coffin. Why did he salute mother? 

We always salute the flag and we always know that America is the good guy's Steve. 

Flash back: What is Cuba? I ask my aunt. what will happen if the Russians try to bomb us? I'm scared. 

Why don't be scared Steve. If they try that "Our guy's" will get in their planes and fly up and Rat- a - tat-tat. Shoot em down. We are American after all.

Peace.

We'll take a cup of kindness yet.

   Another year gone. I know it's been a hard one and honestly? The calendar turning doesn't guarantee things will ease up soon. But, hope is what keeps us going and I'm hoping things get better for the world at large soon. 

Anyway, it's been quite a year. People from all walks of life coming together to yell, cuss and demonize each other. It must warm the devils heart if there were such a being. I'll leave that to the more theological and religious minuded. 

But, here at the end of the year I have a personal tradition Since my early 20's and I'm now in my early 60's I take a New Year's Eve walk and talk to God. Now I haven't always managed it the past several years. But, somewhere between around 20 years old up until around 35 years old I did it faithfully. After that I did it most years and finally in my old age I am trying to revive it. It helps to clear the head.

I would always get a cup of coffee and a breakfast biscuit and head to the woods or the falls or the mountain and get somewhere away from other people and just talk out loud to God. About life and loss and hope and plans. It helped get me through some troublesome times in my youth. It helps center me now. But, today I decided to go into my own back yard and meditate instead of heading off into the woods. Honestly it's been years since I've really felt comfortable just heading out. When I'm in Gadsden or Walnut Grove or Altoona area of Etowah County I feel pretty much at home. But, it's been years since I've lived in "God's Country." 

So, today was meditation in my back yard. Well the thing is I did manage a little conversation. But, then my neighbor to the South came up the private road that leads back to his little neighborhood hood on his tractor with a grater smoothing out the right of way. Then my young neighbor came out and met with a friend in his back yard and before you knew it things were a little crowded for quiet time. 

Oh well, with age comes a little toughness and ability to roll with the punches so I decided to make a list of things I'm thankful for or enjoyed this past year. There are plenty of things that went sideways during the year. People who  got mad over politics and people who just didn't get my brilliant take on the political and social scene. But, there were also some really neat things that I'm thankful for. So, here's my list. Not all of it.

A wise woman once said to me "Steve, some things you don't discuss with anybody but God." I have found that to be good advice so this isn't a complete list but it is a real list of things that I like about life right now.

Jesus: Not the bible thumping angry judgmental Republican Jesus. Also, not the new age hippy Democrat Jesus. But, the incarnation of the Divine that I talk with about everything. Now, I might not think religion is important these days. I have my own reasons for that. I also don't recite any creeds. But, my inner life and my trust that it means something is still intact. So, why Jesus and not Buddha or Mohammed or Darwin? Well, for me and I do mean for me. The thought of the Divine being so in love with his creation that he/she would step into flesh to live it with us is an incredible thought. Now, did I pull it out of my butt? Not entirely, but yeah somewhat. But, it feels right to me and I can dance to it so I'm not going to argue about it.

Books: I grew up reading comic books and ghost stories. I discovered Stephen King via a paperback in the Gadsden, Alabama Mall bookstore around 1975 or so. I read constantly and really liked horror novels back then. But, a good Western or a Sports book or a mystery story would also pull me in. But work and responsibility pulled me and I read less for pleasure except for none fiction. I still enjoyed dipping into a UFO account or researching reincarnation or Christian takes on those subjects and some skeptical thoughts also. But, mostly I worked and got farther away from reading for pleasure. Well, since retirement I've rediscovered a love for reading a good book. I've read about three Rex Stout books about Nero Wolf and they hold up well even though they were written before my time. I've read or listened on Audible to all of Craig Johnson's Longmire mysteries. I've read a New York Times reporter Leslie Kean talking about UFO's and Life after Death. I've dipped in to reincarnation research and religious apologetics. I've read some Stephen King books again and I've read some Ian Rankin Scottish crime novels. Some Lincoln/Childs books and a John Sanford mystery. All in all I've found that my old brain cells can still enjoy a good book or explore a good UFO or paranormal case. 

Old TV Shows: I"ve discovered Perry Mason is an excellent show and I record it watch it by speeding through commercials. I love the old Alfred Hitchcock Hour and Police Story and Adam 12. I have enjoyed Carol Burnett and Red Skelton and The Andy Griffith Show. Nash Bridges and Murder She Wrote. Get an apple or two instead of a candy bar (although I backslide) and chill in front of the TV watching the classics.

Guitar: I've rediscovered strumming my ole six string and pulling up old classic rock chords and lyrics on my computer.

Movies: Some Clint Eastwood and some Mel Brooks and every once in awhile some good Film Noir. TCM has a movie on a spot called "Noir Alley" where I find some pretty good stuff.

Facebook: I know that we all get frustrated at facebook because if you are like me. You don't appreciate facebook or anybody else deciding what is fake news and what is worth reading. I'm a big boy. But, on the other hand I have been able to be active in some of my favorite author's groups, reincarnation groups, paranormal groups, classic rock groups, sports groups and also some old classmates and friends and new friends I can discuss things with over messenger. So all in all facebook is a positive. Has some issues for sure. But, I have enjoyed the interaction.

Walks: Going outside and putting on my earbuds and getting in some walking and tossing a ball to my dog and playing tug of war with an old rope. Just chilling. 

Once pandemic is over I plan on long lazy days in the bookstores of Tuscaloosa and walking around the walking trail at a local park and sipping coffee at Panera Bread. Maybe even doing some traveling with Cindy and seeing a little bit of the country if we can afford to do it.

So all in all life is still good and I am still thankful for another trip around the sun. Looking forward to the coming journey.

Peace.

God has a name. Book review.

 John Mark Comer is the author of a book called "God has a Name." This is my review of it. I come to this conservative polemic written by a young Conservative pastor as a Progressive or Liberal Christian. Meaning of course that I'm Liberal not the author. So, fair warning his idea of a Christian while traditional isn't exactly my idea of who God or Christ is. So, if you are a fundamentalist I think you will like the book. However, if not or if you feel like I do about it then it's not likely to be your cup of tea. Still I wanted to be honest and I did read  the book on my Kindle Fire and took notes. However, I can't get my dang notes to come up so I had to wing this review.

4 stars for writing not for agreement. I come to this book as someone who was born and raised in the church as we say in the South. I'm now sixty three years old and no longer a biblical literalist. This author is writing to a generation of younger seekers and he does a good job of stating his case. The only problem is his case is not the profound mic drop that he thinks it is. It's that old time religion and I've been there and have the T-Shirt.

The major themes of the book are:
God is compassionate and gracious
God is slow to anger
God is abounding in love and faithfulness
Yet God does not let the guilty go unpunished

He also goes to great length (The author, not God.) to tell us that God has an exact name and then goes through mental and text gymnastics to say it's Yahweh. Now I'm not a biblical scholar so I'm not attacking or refuting his conclusion. I'm just not sure it's quite as cut and dried as he says it is. But, I do think he's right in that the Hebrews considered Yahweh to be the God that brought them out of the desert.  He goes to much trouble to let you know that It's Yahweh The Compassionate Lord, Yahweh the Gracious, Yahweh slow to anger, Yahweh Abounding in love and faithfulness, Yahweh who punishes (ever notice how the loving religious folks love the punishing?) Just saying. But, Yahweh who punishes the children for the sins of the father to the third and fourth generation. Address him by his name. Yahweh.

Now if the above sounds as if I'm being blasphemous I assure you I'm not. I'm not trying to mock or disparage faith. My own faith has brought me through and still see's me through this life. It's just that I've seen people manipulate others politically, emotionally and even sexually using Jesus and I'm kind of tired of it. But, I promise I am not an enemy of faith or of religion for that matter.

God is compassionate and gracious. I can understand that. But then the author tells of how God is jealous and doesn't let sin go unpunished. Then the writer starts talking about all the idols and false god's and how they are demonic or fake but Yahweh is the only true God. 

Then somehow he manages to bring the Hebrew Deity of Ancient Israel back to the Christians of the West and of course Jesus. He then glosses over the times when God is angry and commands genocide in his name and say's "we want God to punish us" our sense of justice demands it. Really? I don't think so.
Then of course he does the "God is like a father and your father punishes you if he loves you." 

Well, if you mean beating my ass if I tried to backtalk him then yeah. If you mean a parent grounding you for sneaking out of the house then yeah. But, if you mean allowing you to be obliterated or cast into a burning pit forever and ever then no. No I don't think that is what a loving parent would do.

I worked for a while finishing up my Social Work BSW by working at a fast food place on an Army base. I worked at Popeye's. I used to work over the fryer. We would batter the chicken and then carefully drop it into the hot grease. If you got a drop of that hot grease on you from the splatter you were in pain so we were really careful. I remember thinking as I worked over this hot and dangerous vat of grease. I wouldn't take the tip of the little finger of my most hated enemy and touch it into that grease. I mean it. I couldn't do it.

Yet some Christians want me to believe that a God of love could allow a living soul or being to be tormented for eternity in a hell fire or to be obliterated. I have to tell you that I don't consider that a God with a big G. I would consider that a god with a little g.

Finally, I thought long and hard about my faith in my youth. I finally came to a place where the atheistic idea of a meatbot in a meaningless universe seemed to me to be the insane ramblings of deluded people. I really don't think the universe is insane or meaningless.

 But, also the idea of a almighty being who creates a naked ape and then takes a powerful Angel with all power and knowledge and sends him down to earth. Then takes his own child in his anger and demands his murder and torture and by the way if this powerful fallen Angel called Satan can fool the puny little naked ape then the All mighty in his "love" will burn him for forever and ever. But, if the naked ape even after he's raped and murdered and hurt people will just say the sinners prayer before he dies then he gets a get out of jail card free. I somehow don't think God or Christ would be that random in wisdom.

I'm sorry to say the writer of this book while he's a very intelligent young man, Still didn't make religious dogma anymore sane or sensible by his mental gymnastics in this book.

So, bottom line if you are an evangelical then you will love this book. It will not challenge you at all. But, if you are seeking spiritual nourishment then this is a very light snack indeed.