First let me say this. This is how I release some of the day to day "chatter" that goes on in my world. This is not a claim that the eternal source "God" of all life actually has spoken the literal words I attribute to "him" in the following exchange. I hope some of it is "inspired" of honesty and maybe even actual understanding. But, I make no claim that you will find the "truth" of all life or the "one way" in the following.
I forgot my Ipod this morning! There I was counting my change that I had scattered around my truck so I could stop bye Panera Bread and get some coffee and play the aging "yuppie" is that still a term these days? By hopping on the internet with my Ipod and watching Laurel and Hardy on Youtube or Madmen on Netflix or reading Page Six on the New York Post. But, I had walked out without the Ipod. Now what?
Well I ended up doing what I often do when I'm without any other course of distraction. I had to "think" and meditate and talk to God a little bit. Here's how that went:
Me: You know I've been doing this for 56 years now. I've talked to you as my savior who actually walked the roads of the Middle East around/over 2000 years ago.
God: Yeah, that's true and I've given you an anchor when things seemed wierded out on you.
Me: Then again I've talked to you as if you were an angry old "Zeuss" type figure ready to strike me down for the sins of my "thoughts and deeds."
God: Well, you know even that had some positive things..not that it was or is true literally. But, it did give you a certain sense of boundaries in the time of youth and experimentation with the world.
Me: Hmmm, yes it did at that. Ya know I also have talked to you as the "Holy Ghost" who was really, really sensitive and easily offended and I worried that one "out of place" word would condemn my immortal soul to eternal hell.
God: Well, ya know it's all part of the journey and at least you didn't forget completely who I really am.
Me: I also have talked to you the way I do now. As "Holy Spirit." It works better for me. It has a better sound to it and sounds more "intellectual" than Holy Ghost.
God: Well, that's not actually the best or even a good reason to use the name now is it?
Me: It has (for me) evolved into the way you have presented yourself in my life. Not as an angry old man in the sky, or a angry "ghost" but as my ultimate and eternal source and reason for being.
God: Now that's better.
Me: Oh look! Isn't she pretty? If I were 25 and single instead of 56 but there's no harm in looking.
God: Focus!
Me: Oh, sorry. I have a hard time in this world focusing on my prayer life and my inner life. I am so taken up by the day to day stress and who likes me and who hates me and what about that bill collector and that debt?
God: Yes,. There is a place for taking care of day to day things. You do it day to day and moment by moment. But, not in one big anxious gasp and grab.
Me: Help me to listen. It's hard to hear sometime and it's hard to trust.
God: Just "BE" and take a breath once in a little while and I"ll be there. Not, as Cosmic Santa but as peace.
Me: You know, the road in front of me is shorter than the road behind me.
God: It is! But, on the other hand remember what Jesus said. The kingdom isn't out there somewhere. The kingdom is always within and is here now.
Me: Thank you Father.
There was more to it and it's still ongoing. But, a wise woman once said to me: Steve, don't tell anybody but God everything. Peace. :-)
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