Thursday, April 26, 2018

Nominal Christian/Nominal Jew.

 Then came a man before His feet he fell
Unclean said the leper and rang his bell
Felt the palm of a hand touch his head
Go now go now you're a new man instead
All going down to see the Lord Jesus
All going down to see the Lord Jesus
All going down....Queen/Feddie Mercury

 Here I am again. Seems like I just can't decide where we are these days. I still love you but on the other hand I'm not so sure you're there or listening or even if you are identifiable with my younger version of you. Ya know lot's of the people who take your name are hypocrites and they cut health care while yelling about being pro life but choke out hope for the most vulerab...What? Oh sorry. I was ranting wasn't I? I tend to do that when I'm getting close to you because it helps me to not look to closely at myself. Not comfortable. AT All. 

Anyway, I call myself a "Progressive Christian" or even nominal Christian these day's. You what? A Nominal Jew? Yeah, I guess in some ways you were weren't you? Well I am trying to understand. This stuff got real this year. I had heart surgery and complications and I didn't get a lot of bright lights and tunnels and angelic choirs I can tell ya. What? Well of course I know you didn't really walk around with a big giant "S" under your cloak. I get that. But, it always helps when I can think of you that way. Okay, I admit it really doesn't but sometimes I need  that superman in the sky ya know. Okay, at least it would make me feel more secure.

Now, I"m not a religious man but if you're up there Superman. Help Me. ...Homer Simpson

So of course you already know why I'm here today. I end up holding on to the times when you have nudged me just a little. That time when I was a kid and I had the knowledge that an angel was sitting by my bed and I just drifted off to sleep. That time when I was older and had that certain dream where I got a wink and a smile and confirmation the next day from the internet of all places that it meant something. The other times when I've just known. But, these past few months I've had to rely on my own inner knowing and a little inspiration wherever I could find it. 

Me and Jesus got our own thing going
And we don't need anybody to tell us what it's all about ...Tom T. Hall

I think about what's important to me. As I get older it seems less about proving I'm right and someone else is wrong and more about just treating people with respect as much as I'm able and not accepting disrespect from anybody else. Religion just isn't working for me these days. On the other hand I really do miss Communion and I miss the days back in the Gadsden, Al Vinyard when I could kind of just be myself and talk with you while the worship band played. I don't think my politics or liberal religion would fit in there these days but I do think I could get in to the worship service. Hard to know because I'm hard headed and not likely to recite creeds and rules and the authority of anybody else's version or put "God" in a box these days. 

Well I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah ...Lenard Cohen

I sometimes wonder if you care for my music or questions. But, I find myself still wanting to ask you similar questions that I've always wondered about but it's a little different now. I'm pretty sure after 61 years along this road that the end of this particular leg of the journey is closer than the start. I lean toward the concept of reincarnation or maybe even a time of just being back home awhile. This has always kind of seemed as if it's a copy of something more real and I'm always wanting a peek behind the curtain or over the horizon. Yeah, the curtain is kind of a weak analogy since the wizard didn't have any real game. But, I think over the horizon there is the real deal going on.

No, I'm not finished yet. But, I am ready to stop my chatter for a little while. I think that particular shore is coming up ahead. Not yet but I am seeing some life that makes me think it won't be as long as it has been before I see that river. Wake me when I get a little closer will ya? Huhh, I have to be honestly willing to see it? Well, I had this heart surgery this winter ya know and I didn't get any bright lights or ....Oh, okay I understand I'm repeating myself. Maybe I should wrap it up. We can talk again before I get to the station. 

One toke over the line sweet Jesus
One toke over the line
Sittin' downtown in a railway station
One toke over the line 

Something about hanging out a little while with you makes it seem okay if I don't see a bright light or a tunnel or it's okay if I do. I think I'll see well I know I'll see. I just need to keep my spirit aware and trust that my life is as a wise woman once said. "A Journey Securely Bound."