Sunday, July 27, 2014

It's me again God.

Hi God! Yeah, it's me again. Ya know that little secret stuff I fret over so much? Yeah, I know you are never surprised with me. Still, I was  raised "in the church" as we say in the south. So, I carry around a lot of guilt whenever I check in with you. Liberal Christian? Well, yeah I do say that and I mean it. But, when I approach you I still kind of get the big daddy in the sky who judges me feeling. Just can't quite let that go even if I don't really believe all the dogma of my raising. Weird huh? No? Well I'm glad you understand because I don't. Oh yeah, the reason I'm here today? That would be you right? ;-) Well you did give me this sense of humor ya know. Theology? No, not today. I'm not real sure I'm up to it right now. I don't know the ultimate purpose of the universe. I think right now I'll just be.
You know this body has some tingles and pains and limitations I didn't even know about back in the day. Well, I sure couldn't do some of  the party stuff I did then. I do thank you that I didn't do any long term damage. I sure could have. Anyway, now where was I? Oh yeah, now I remember.
I do understand that people are afraid. I know that scared people can be heartless and even cruel. I understand that it doesn't always come from their "best selves." But, I am so frustrated at how good decent people speak so easily of turning children away or shooting people.
Yeah, I actually have heard the "put up a fence and shoot em as they cross over line." WWJD? Never that? Well, you don't have to tell me.

The Middle East thing? Yeah, they all are of the same part of the planet. Yeah, I know it sickens you when they act like it's a sporting event instead of a real world life and death struggle with real flesh and blood and real limbs being blown apart. Anyway, what about here?
Well, you remember Reagan? Oh, yeah I bet he and JFK are having a grand ole debate over who's the better Irishman. Ya know my family name has a bit of the old country in it's heritage. Point? Oh yeah, the point.
Well, ya see back in the Reagan years the U.S. did some stuff that Uncle Ronnie thought was OK at the time. Now, we are getting some refugees and the people who loved Uncle Ronnie don't love the refugees. Children? Millstones and better not to have been born than to harm one of these? I don't think that's for this situation. How do I know? Well, that's what the GOP "God's own party" What? Oh, I'm sorry. No, I will never say something that stupid again.
Well, anyway I did feel like I needed to check in. Sometime, I just need to rest. Sometime I just need to look the devil in the eye and not be afraid. So, I see heartless and ignorant statements in your name. I see death and misery and hunger and abuse. Why doesn't it make me turn away from you?
Because I also see you in every grain of sand and every drop; of spilled blood. I see you in the waiting rooms and the death and hunger in this world. I see you in my own doubts and I know that you are the place and being of my rest.
I don't know what else I would like to say right now. I just thought I'd talk a little and hang out with you for a minute. I'm looking at the road I've traveled. It's shorter in front than it was when I was younger. No? That hill up there, isn't that the home stretch beyond it? Trust? I have thought that. Maybe we are on an eternal journey and that hill will reveal the road isn't about to end after all.
Remember back in Walnut Park when I was a kid? Yeah, my ole banana seat bike. Man, I wish I could see it again. :-) I would "pull" the hill on Stonewall Avenue heading up to Chester Street. I would fly back down Stonewall later that day. Anyway, I'm pulling this hill and I wanted to make sure I still have you in case I need a push.
Always? Thank you. Do you mind if I kind of walk a little closer for a minute. Just until I'm ready to get back on my bike and pull this hill. Yeah, it feels good. You too? Wow!

Monday, July 7, 2014

A Day in the Life!

 "Hallelujah" By Leonard Cohen:
 I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
A Day in the Life:
Beginning: Ground of all Being. Giver of breath, maker of suns, Watcher of Worlds. Coming forth a creature. A Being of pure light and consciousness. No being, Just Being. Look, intend, watch. A world out of countless possibilities forms out of pure energy. Another place to learn and grow and live and die. Why? Just to be. See the form that will “become” When does spirit meet matter? When does it start? It doesn’t start and it doesn’t stop. It’s all part of the same thing. The same ground of being. Worlds form and worlds die but the stuff of being continues but doesn’t start or stop. Look, incarnation in all it’s forms. Matter and creatures and all evolves and changes. Why is love? Why is life? Why, why why?. Being! 
Verse 11: Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Then: Start the day: Love, not mercy or sin or salvation. Just love. He just knows that he has always felt it. It pulses through his veins. It calls from the sea and sun and mountains and the moon. It’s in Mary’s eyes even though she isn’t “one of them.” It’s in the samartian he met that day. The leper he touched. Even in the poor horrible tormented ones that he had to cast out and in the pitiful creatures they drowned. Still, love and passion for the journey of those whose form he sees when he looks at a unclean one or a infidel or those thrown out of the temple as being unworthy. 
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Start the day: Brother Tim is up.  Man, is he pumped. Going to the rally to try and save the lost. The gays have an agenda and he’s going to make sure they hear of the “love” of Christ before they burn in hell. Also, she will be there and that’s always a bonus. He has “normal” drives you know. But, he doesn't go too far, not yet. He’s godly you know. Besides she’s he preachers daughter and he wants to make sure Brother Bob knows how “pure” he is when he takes her out.
Sally: Finally people understand her. She has felt what she feels her whole life. Would God really make her this way to punish her? She went to Brother Bob. He was her pastor and friend her whole life. He prayed with her when her mother died. He held her hand when she had to have surgery due to a polyp. He said God delivered her when it came back clean. So, she was confident when she approached him. She poured out her heart to him. “This is who I am.” Doesn’t God still love me? Oh God, what is the pastor saying? I’m going to hell because of a feeling? Christ loves me but he’s very disappointed in me? Cast it out? Maybe there’s no god then because I tried so hard to not be this way..I prayed and I fasted and I read all the books. 
Song "Hallelujah" .... Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Congressman Sims: Hot Damn the president is in trouble now. We can paint his butt as a anti war sissy now. I didn’t go to Vietnam but hey I had reasons. I did go through the ROTC Program in college. It was a legitimate deferment. Sure the president served. But, according to a person from that unit the president never “liked or agreed with the war.” How unpatriotic. Oh, yeah and the illegals. Also, the nimby panty waist trying to give amnesty to illegals. Why, they would give the land back to the Indians if they could. Savages and not Christian so they were driven out.
 Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Then: A garden. I do this because I love life, because it is important. But, it isn’t an end unto itself. I come, I come from the eternal. I have to lay this down to show how important it is to live this life but not to hold on to power. Not to hold on to status. You can’t lose what was never yours in the first place. This is the gift. To die and yet to understand that even death is a door and not an end. I loved her. I loved him. They nourished me and gave me life. It will hurt her. That is the main regret. Every man dies but a mother shouldn’t have to watch her son. Oh, God let her see it with the eyes you give her. With the eyes you give me…
 There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Now: Sally: I can’t believe anymore. I can’t play anymore. I have nowhere to go. I have this incredible feeling that I matter. That the world matters. But, according to my pastor I’m just dirt in god’s eyes. I can’t go on like this. But, I’m not brave enough to end it so I’ll just live until I die. That will be that. I’m not even going to try anymore. People are just biological meat sacks and that is that. This is the world that I will inherit. Christ? Buddha? God? Fairy tales. They have to be because I can’t bear the thought of trying to please an old prude in the sky with no real knowledge of what I have to go through.
Brother Tim: Man, we showed them today. We raised 10K for Congressman Sims. We also went out to witness but most of them were just drunks and prostitutes. God wouldn’t think twice about them unless they repent. It was a close one though. A young Christian (immature in the faith) was trying to give an old nasty bum directions to the church. But, Brother Bob reminded him that we donate to the Salvation Army every quarter and the poor people have church service there. 
 Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Then: I hope they understand why I’m doing this. It’s for the love of being. The love that I hope they will extend to all those outside the temple. The Samaritan and the gentile. The leper and the blind and the oppressed. The outcast and the wanderer with no home and no family. The temple can be the family. This dance of spirit and matter. They are just dust in some ways but divine in the eternal sight of the one with who we all have to do. Why are they laughing at me? Spitting? Surely, they will understand someday and just learn to embrace and unite. They are all made of the same stuff. Part of the same “Beingness.” At least when they think of me, they will understand that a cross is part of living this life. I feel it now…The pulse of fear and anger as they watch me….
 Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Now: Brother Bob: So sad. I watched Sally as she marched with “those people” that God despises. She doesn't know God. How dare she even say his name. They that reject Christ. Oh well, it’s her decision. I’ve got to get to the board meeting. I think I’m getting a raise and it’s just in time for our trip to “the holy land” this year. Man, will that be fun. I made a lot of great connections last time I went.
 Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
 You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Then: Father forgive them…They know not what they do.
 I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah