Sunday, April 20, 2014

Dream State.

I don't know how to honestly look at you. I've heard about you all of my life. The thing is you get shuffled somewhere between the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and an old angry deity in the sky that needs constant adoration just to keep from hitting me with his hammer. Oh, wrong deity, but you know what I mean. I don't know about this. Where are you going? Over there? But, what will these guys do? Wait? Wait for what? Surely you aren't really mad at them for falling asleep. I mean what else is there to do while you go off and meditate or pray or...Oh? Yeah, I'll wait. It's my dream but I'll still wait...

  Jesus, what was that sound? Oh, no I didn't mean you...I meant ...well you know when you get put in the same catagory as Elvis and mood rings and...well, you know it's just slang for "Oh my god." Really? You would never even write the letters much less think of using the sacred for a curse or yell of surprise? Well, yes it did startle me. You really yelled out that time and....Oh, lord help me I can't believe the intensity I'm feeling right now. Can I just walk with you a minute?

They say the just touching the hem of your robe could do this. I never really thought about it....except a Sunday School story but Wow! Take up my cross? You mean go to church and be religious and tithe and have a say in who will be "saved" and who will be doomed? That cross?

No?, Well, give me a little more time. I need for my finances to be in order and I need to make sure my child is grown up and I need to take a vacation. I mean, it'll just be a few more years. Like 30 or so...What? just live now?

Where are you going? Wait! Don't you want to live? Well, I know it's temporary but sometime I worry. What if it's all a crock? What if we really are just a by product of a soulless pointless universe? What? Well, I have wondered. But, according to most of what I learned in Sunday school back when I went to Sunday School the only temptation you really faced was when the guy with horns just said "bow down and worship me."

Well, yeah I do admit I never thought that was much of a temptation either. It would be as if Donald Trump had a son and a McDonalds manager tried to tempt him. Wasn't like that huhh? He told you you were crazy? He told you that when you died you just ceased to be? Oblivion? Now, that would be hard to take if you could have been convinced that the cross and the blood and tears were just useless. Yeah, that would be much harder than the Sunday School narrative.

I can't walk this last mile this time? Well, I'm kind of  relieved to be honest with you. OH, I will get my own mile in time? Well, to be honest I always knew that. I saw a river once in a dream. It was so cold when I entered it. I didn't want to get in there. But, I had to. My soul was soaring once I got in there but it was freezing my body to dea...Yeah, there is time for that a little later.

Hey, before you go can I tell you something? I've lost a lot of my dogma and my faith is bruised and torn and I just can't identify these days you know? What do I need to tell you?

I still love you.