I am against war as a matter of principle. I remember thinking as George Bush got us into two wars at one time how damn stupid it was. Just from a military standpoint alone it was stupid. But, from a human standpoint. I remember thinking "this isn't a video game." The bombs were real. We were going to win the hearts and minds of people who hated us by blowing their homes to hell and back. The other thing I remember? Most of the victims of the "freeing of Iraq/Afghanistan" were poor people and women and children and elderly people. They were the ones getting torn apart by the bombs. Oh, and our own young men and women. Mothers and daughters and fathers and sons were coming home with missing limbs and PTSD. I worked for the army on Fort Carson. I still remember the kids worrying if mom or dad were part of the news story about casualties. I still remember the chapel and the funerals starting up. I still remember civilian staff on the base catching their breath and running to the t.v. every time another report or bulletin would flash on the screen.
It just seemed wrong to me deep down in my spirit to think that bombing and maiming and carnage was going to "fix" something. I feel that feeling every time I hear of another "freedom fighter" or Muslim Brotherhood or Arab Spring or African conflict. I know that somewhere a daddy isn't coming home and a mommy isn't going to fix her daughters hair for school anymore. I know that somewhere a bomb is destroying a home and a person is losing an eye or an arm or a leg. War, what is it good for? Ask the politicians and the Enrons and the stock brokers.
Now, that I've said that I need to say this. Those of us against war for any reason are often asked "What about Hitler?" What about the holocaust? What would you have said back then? Would you have been saying "Don't go into Berlin?" Honestly? I don't know. That's the problem with absolutes and zealotry. There are always questions. Always, wondering "is it right?" Did I do the right thing? People getting poisoned by chemicals and I say we can't go in there. I have to look at that and ask myself am I sure. But, where did the ones who used the chemicals get them? How did they get them? Who will the bombs fall on? Just the ones who used chemical weapons? Or will they fall on husbands and wives and children and brothers and sisters? How deep in the bunker will the bad guys go before they are finally dealt with? Who are the bad guys by the way?
Rumsfield dined with Saddam and Kerry dined with Assad. Who foots those bills? The American military and their families mostly. The poor folks in Iraq and Syria and other places mostly. Always seems that way doesn't it? Maybe, we could try to get the U.N. involved for a change. Maybe we could just not be the first ones in and the last ones to leave for a change? Maybe? What if we continue to pressure Russia in the arena of the U.N.? What if we continue to push for economic sanctions on the money of the Syrian leaders. What if we don't blindly go in and shove a government of the U.S. choosing down the throats of the people?
I still remember the billions and billions of dollars that Bush wasted. Yet, the conservatives didn't worry much about the deficit. Hmmm. I still remember Obama getting a little peace prize. before he had done a damn thing. Might be good for him cause he sure wouldn't be in the running right now. I'm so sick of it. My nation is being torn apart by idiotic choosing of "our" team instead of holding people of both parties accountable. Funny, how if I say "Why don't we have health care for everybody, so that nobody has to be a slave to a corporate health plan" I hear "We can't pay for that!" Oh, but we can pay for the bombs and the life and limbs. That's no problem. That's the cost of freedom.
I also noticed something else when I worked for the army. The soldiers dying? They were not all 1950's blond haired blue eyed all American Christians. There were blacks and whites and Hispanics and Asians and women and men. Thing is they did have one thing in common. They were mostly from lower middle to lower class America. They needed a job and training and health insurance. Oh well. It is a complicated matter. I honestly don't have all the answers and I don't know if I'm right or wrong with a certainty. But, I really would like to give another way other than war a chance. Just once.
Peace.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Stairs of Life.: Science and the Fuzzy Thinker.
Stairs of Life.: Science and the Fuzzy Thinker.: I must be a fuzzy thinker. I get bored easily with the "Laws" of physics or the dogma of the bible. I like to think that reality...
Science and the Fuzzy Thinker.
I must be a fuzzy thinker. I get bored easily with the "Laws" of physics or the dogma of the bible. I like to think that reality is something more glorious and bizarre than we can ever imagine. :-)
I started a blog. I was going to write about ufo's and the paranormal. Movies and politics. Books and sports. All the cool stuff including music and pop culture. But, somehow my 50 plus year old self just keeps coming back to themes of life and death and reason and that kind of stuff. So, here goes another blog of "Steve's midnight thoughts" :-)
I think too much. I know it sounds self serving. But, on the other hand I have often envied the folks who just say a certain authority (bible, science, guru, expert) says it and I believe it. After all I am skeptical about my own skepticism. I have always read and I still don't know how a human forms a world view if he/she never reads. However, I also have seen people who read an article or a book (heaping teachers to their own ears) and never question the agenda or look at the world view or follow the money of the author or publisher.
So today I was reading a blog and a young looking author (Lord, when you pass fifty everybody 35 and under suddenly looks like a teenager to you) quoted a talk by Bertrand Russell. Now, I have a lot of respect for the intellect of Mr. Russell. For those who haven't heard of him give a google. :-) He was an atheist but a thinking person and not the angry snarky Richard Dawkins type. At least I don't think he was. As a matter of fact he came up with one of my all-time favorite sayings or quotes:
“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”
I love that quote because there is so much truth in it. But, anyway the young author of the blog I was reading was quite taken with Mr. Russell and his writing on "Why I am not a Christian." The author of the blog seemed to want to hit the idea of god in the name of 'Science." Sigh, here we go again. So much so that he asked a one word question: Is he right? Then answered it with one word: "Yes." But in the words of Lee Corso (he of ESPN College football) before he debased himself with that nasty Notre Dame suit last year before the national title game (but I digress) :-) Anyway, as Mr. Corso used to say "Not so fast, my friend." :-)
Now, I could write my own article on why I'm no longer a conservative Christian. I could start with the idea of an angry old man in the sky and go straight through gay marriage ( I think everybody has the right to marry who they want to marry, consenting adults that is) and feeding the hungry and having compassion on the sick and the poor. But, that's not why I am writing this blog. (as my conservative friends, IF they read this, grind their teeth at my liberal foolishness.) :-)
No, I am writing on "Why I'm still" (though some would argue the point) a Christian. Or at least why I still believe in "God." Being a reader I also had many lessons in my youth. Just because you put it between a cover and bind it, doesn't make it the "gospel truth." No pun intended. It took me a little while to find my feet and my voice. I finally realized that just as a preacher couldn't sentence me to hellfire with his words. Well, I also found that an atheistic "intellectual" also couldn't sentence me to oblivion just because they wrote bleak, stark, so called "rational," prose. But, why in an age of science do I still believe in a personal creative loving presence? Well, for one thing I look at what is called "Science."
Science is a wonderful "tool." I am able to drive a car because of the obvious"mechanical, engineering" science. Also, because of medical,vision science I am able to see to drive. Now, for those of you with lifelong strong eyesight that might not mean much. But, I am one of those folks that (even in my youth) couldn't see or tell a truck from a tree or a house or a car coming down the road. :-) So, I am very thankful that I can put a small frame on my nose and see where I'm, and also where you're going. I also am benefited by blood pressure medicine and cholesterol medication and I even will use the occasional Melatonin (it's natural and over the pharmacy counter) to help me get sleepy. My child was born with Asthma so I am very thankful for medical science.
However, with all that said above, there is still one question. Where is this entity that so many (mostly young, but many older) atheist use that goes by the name of "Science" that has slain the old man in the sky? Seems to me that I see a lot of human ability to learn and create and even help others. Now, you can say "where's god in that?" I would say "Look in the mirror." := )
Words, words, words. Everybody has em. But, that's all I have to take your heart away. :-) But seriously, as I get older everything seems to be defined by one old rock song or the other from my youth. But, let me say this. I've known folks or at least read about folks. People who used to be Christian. The more fundi the former Christian the more fundi the new atheist. I've thought about it myself. What do I truly believe in? Who cares? :-) Well, just in case some where some how some intrepid archeologist is digging through the rubble of the late 20th or early 21st Century and wonders about how much we worshiped celebrity and money and gave our minds away to politics, religion and even scientific dogma (because I don't think we have even approached the tip of the vast knowledge that we can research with the different sciences.) I would like to at least add my .2 cents worth.
I think about my life long inner dialog. I have prayed and talked with God in my own way since I was able to comprehend the concept of reason and being. To be honest if I were to become an atheist at this point in my life. Well, I'd have to conclude that I was bat-shit crazy for 56 years. I mean, I'm not a big church goer. I don't think the source of all there is, cares much what kind of fabric you wear What kind of food you eat (although I think there is concern that some have food and some don''t have enough) But, this inner dialog I've had has kept me through so much insanity.
It's this inner dialog that allows me to go to a funeral and not totally lose it because I didn't say all the things I should have said or said something I should not have said to a loved one. It's this inner dialog that allows a young mother to bury a child and yet have hope that through the grief and through the pain, there will yet be a reunion. It's this inner dialog that we have that allows us when the bump isn't a just a mole or the cough isn't just a cold to cry and cuss and sweat and scream and yet have hope. So, no I'm not an atheist. Because to be honest? The glorious evolution of the species doesn't mean squat to me if my own evolution ends up being dead as a doornail (as we say in the south) :-) So, no I"m not an atheist.
Finally, I hear people say "If there is a god, then how could he let......" Fill in the blank with some of the worse things you can think of. But, my answer is if there isn't a reason or purpose or spirit then how can you not go insane at the rape,murder,molestation,disease,injustice of the world. I'm sorry but at those times the great entity called "Science" is just a piss poor god. So, again am I anti intellectual? Heaven forbid. Do I believe in evolution? Yes! Do I frickin love science? I love computers and tv's and pods and pads and I love my glasses and my clothing. I take my medication and I go to the doctor. So, there's a very soft place in my heart for science as the collective tool of the human mind.
But, late at night. When I have to prop my head up because my 50 plus year old body doesn't breathe as well on my back as it did in my youth. When my heart races or I notice a new "mole" on my head or back. When I really, really hope that I have a little indigestion or heart burn because, the other possibility is that I need a doctor or the emergency room. Well, at those times I'm really glad that I have my "inner dialog" and my hope. Just in case. Because there is a country where even science and toys can't follow. :-)
Also, I miss my Grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and friends and all the relationships that worked and didn't work and even have hope for some that didn't happen. I'm with Helen Keller on this one: Death is simply going from one room into another. But, it's different for me..in that other room I'll be able to see.
Now, I am not blind (physically anyway) but I do think that this world is a pale reflection of the reality of my home.
So, why did I write this blog? I just like to put things down and see how they look. I like to read back over it and see if my worldview (while not perfect or complete) can at least pass the "crazy as a loon" test. :-) So, far I don't think I'm nuts. I'm not sure I'm right. (there goes my natural skepticism again) but at least I know why I believe what I believe and lean where I lean.
I started a blog. I was going to write about ufo's and the paranormal. Movies and politics. Books and sports. All the cool stuff including music and pop culture. But, somehow my 50 plus year old self just keeps coming back to themes of life and death and reason and that kind of stuff. So, here goes another blog of "Steve's midnight thoughts" :-)
I think too much. I know it sounds self serving. But, on the other hand I have often envied the folks who just say a certain authority (bible, science, guru, expert) says it and I believe it. After all I am skeptical about my own skepticism. I have always read and I still don't know how a human forms a world view if he/she never reads. However, I also have seen people who read an article or a book (heaping teachers to their own ears) and never question the agenda or look at the world view or follow the money of the author or publisher.
So today I was reading a blog and a young looking author (Lord, when you pass fifty everybody 35 and under suddenly looks like a teenager to you) quoted a talk by Bertrand Russell. Now, I have a lot of respect for the intellect of Mr. Russell. For those who haven't heard of him give a google. :-) He was an atheist but a thinking person and not the angry snarky Richard Dawkins type. At least I don't think he was. As a matter of fact he came up with one of my all-time favorite sayings or quotes:
“The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”
I love that quote because there is so much truth in it. But, anyway the young author of the blog I was reading was quite taken with Mr. Russell and his writing on "Why I am not a Christian." The author of the blog seemed to want to hit the idea of god in the name of 'Science." Sigh, here we go again. So much so that he asked a one word question: Is he right? Then answered it with one word: "Yes." But in the words of Lee Corso (he of ESPN College football) before he debased himself with that nasty Notre Dame suit last year before the national title game (but I digress) :-) Anyway, as Mr. Corso used to say "Not so fast, my friend." :-)
Now, I could write my own article on why I'm no longer a conservative Christian. I could start with the idea of an angry old man in the sky and go straight through gay marriage ( I think everybody has the right to marry who they want to marry, consenting adults that is) and feeding the hungry and having compassion on the sick and the poor. But, that's not why I am writing this blog. (as my conservative friends, IF they read this, grind their teeth at my liberal foolishness.) :-)
No, I am writing on "Why I'm still" (though some would argue the point) a Christian. Or at least why I still believe in "God." Being a reader I also had many lessons in my youth. Just because you put it between a cover and bind it, doesn't make it the "gospel truth." No pun intended. It took me a little while to find my feet and my voice. I finally realized that just as a preacher couldn't sentence me to hellfire with his words. Well, I also found that an atheistic "intellectual" also couldn't sentence me to oblivion just because they wrote bleak, stark, so called "rational," prose. But, why in an age of science do I still believe in a personal creative loving presence? Well, for one thing I look at what is called "Science."
Science is a wonderful "tool." I am able to drive a car because of the obvious"mechanical, engineering" science. Also, because of medical,vision science I am able to see to drive. Now, for those of you with lifelong strong eyesight that might not mean much. But, I am one of those folks that (even in my youth) couldn't see or tell a truck from a tree or a house or a car coming down the road. :-) So, I am very thankful that I can put a small frame on my nose and see where I'm, and also where you're going. I also am benefited by blood pressure medicine and cholesterol medication and I even will use the occasional Melatonin (it's natural and over the pharmacy counter) to help me get sleepy. My child was born with Asthma so I am very thankful for medical science.
However, with all that said above, there is still one question. Where is this entity that so many (mostly young, but many older) atheist use that goes by the name of "Science" that has slain the old man in the sky? Seems to me that I see a lot of human ability to learn and create and even help others. Now, you can say "where's god in that?" I would say "Look in the mirror." := )
Words, words, words. Everybody has em. But, that's all I have to take your heart away. :-) But seriously, as I get older everything seems to be defined by one old rock song or the other from my youth. But, let me say this. I've known folks or at least read about folks. People who used to be Christian. The more fundi the former Christian the more fundi the new atheist. I've thought about it myself. What do I truly believe in? Who cares? :-) Well, just in case some where some how some intrepid archeologist is digging through the rubble of the late 20th or early 21st Century and wonders about how much we worshiped celebrity and money and gave our minds away to politics, religion and even scientific dogma (because I don't think we have even approached the tip of the vast knowledge that we can research with the different sciences.) I would like to at least add my .2 cents worth.
I think about my life long inner dialog. I have prayed and talked with God in my own way since I was able to comprehend the concept of reason and being. To be honest if I were to become an atheist at this point in my life. Well, I'd have to conclude that I was bat-shit crazy for 56 years. I mean, I'm not a big church goer. I don't think the source of all there is, cares much what kind of fabric you wear What kind of food you eat (although I think there is concern that some have food and some don''t have enough) But, this inner dialog I've had has kept me through so much insanity.
It's this inner dialog that allows me to go to a funeral and not totally lose it because I didn't say all the things I should have said or said something I should not have said to a loved one. It's this inner dialog that allows a young mother to bury a child and yet have hope that through the grief and through the pain, there will yet be a reunion. It's this inner dialog that we have that allows us when the bump isn't a just a mole or the cough isn't just a cold to cry and cuss and sweat and scream and yet have hope. So, no I'm not an atheist. Because to be honest? The glorious evolution of the species doesn't mean squat to me if my own evolution ends up being dead as a doornail (as we say in the south) :-) So, no I"m not an atheist.
Finally, I hear people say "If there is a god, then how could he let......" Fill in the blank with some of the worse things you can think of. But, my answer is if there isn't a reason or purpose or spirit then how can you not go insane at the rape,murder,molestation,disease,injustice of the world. I'm sorry but at those times the great entity called "Science" is just a piss poor god. So, again am I anti intellectual? Heaven forbid. Do I believe in evolution? Yes! Do I frickin love science? I love computers and tv's and pods and pads and I love my glasses and my clothing. I take my medication and I go to the doctor. So, there's a very soft place in my heart for science as the collective tool of the human mind.
But, late at night. When I have to prop my head up because my 50 plus year old body doesn't breathe as well on my back as it did in my youth. When my heart races or I notice a new "mole" on my head or back. When I really, really hope that I have a little indigestion or heart burn because, the other possibility is that I need a doctor or the emergency room. Well, at those times I'm really glad that I have my "inner dialog" and my hope. Just in case. Because there is a country where even science and toys can't follow. :-)
Also, I miss my Grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and friends and all the relationships that worked and didn't work and even have hope for some that didn't happen. I'm with Helen Keller on this one: Death is simply going from one room into another. But, it's different for me..in that other room I'll be able to see.
Now, I am not blind (physically anyway) but I do think that this world is a pale reflection of the reality of my home.
So, why did I write this blog? I just like to put things down and see how they look. I like to read back over it and see if my worldview (while not perfect or complete) can at least pass the "crazy as a loon" test. :-) So, far I don't think I'm nuts. I'm not sure I'm right. (there goes my natural skepticism again) but at least I know why I believe what I believe and lean where I lean.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Baptism
I was thinking today about what it would have been like to go to ancient Israel. I guess many of us who were born and raised "Christian" have thought about it. My way of looking at reality has changed and evolved over the years. But, I can't help but wonder, what if I really could?
The road is dusty and it's summer. I'm from Alabama so it's not bad on me. Ala-what? I'm from no-place and everyplace. I"m here. I hear somebody laughing and there appears to be singing. Those people? Who are they? What are they doing at that little lake? I didn't think I'd see that in a dry and rocky land. Well, it's not the Coosa River but it's water. :-)
He doesn't look very sorrowful today. Not a very card board cut out either. No staff and no long beard. No blue piercing eyes either. They look hazel, and full of laughter. Although there's something in the way he looks over their shoulders that gives me pause as I approach him.
I didn't know he actually "put you under the water himself." WOW!
Questions? Oh yeah, I said I would ask the big ones. But, .....well. I think I'm supposed to, that is I think I can listen. Just listen for a little while.
Listen:
See: who is like "us" you have a scar. He is not clean. She is trash. They are not worthy and here is the truth.
Speak: Be careful what you say. This one will be angry. That one will hurt you. how dare you. You may speak, but speak correctly.
You are not clean. they are not cleaned but you are "loved" if you comply.
life:
It's ours. Good of our nation. War: God's will be done and they must
be stopped. Never, ever defile the womb. But they are not our
responsibility. The bombs will kill the "leader" the children will go to
heaven anyway and the others hate us. They hate our science, prosperity. "They" are enemies of God.
Death: will happen to them. we will live. If you die then your are just gone and we will evolve.
Love:
There is a river. The way is not blocked. The water is cold and the yet
I am elated.
You? You have followed me to the pits and to the heights. Are you? I Am. I didn't realize that they were still
precious. They mocked me you know, and caused me great pain. I tried to
see you in them but I was afraid.
The sights went so fast. Time is just illusion. I woke up and breathed and then It was done. I
still don't understand it. Why am I here? I think I remember, yes. I've missed you and I missed
her and him and them.
Laughter: It's time to go back. I'll forget where I've been. I'll struggle and prospser and die and then:
light, sound, smiles and frowns, where am I gong ? where have I been?
The road is dusty and it's summer. I'm from Alabama so it's not bad on me. Ala-what? I'm from no-place and everyplace. I"m here. I hear somebody laughing and there appears to be singing. Those people? Who are they? What are they doing at that little lake? I didn't think I'd see that in a dry and rocky land. Well, it's not the Coosa River but it's water. :-)
He doesn't look very sorrowful today. Not a very card board cut out either. No staff and no long beard. No blue piercing eyes either. They look hazel, and full of laughter. Although there's something in the way he looks over their shoulders that gives me pause as I approach him.
I didn't know he actually "put you under the water himself." WOW!
Questions? Oh yeah, I said I would ask the big ones. But, .....well. I think I'm supposed to, that is I think I can listen. Just listen for a little while.
Listen:
the
dance begins:
Wake up to light and sound and emotion and expectations and. Big
people with smiles or frowns , hugs or hits. Fathers become god's and
mothers are oracles. Listen: it's us vs them. authority vs desires. need
vs truth. Listen.
Touch: warmth? if you deserve it. Withhold it if you don't. love if you are worthy apathy or worse if your not.
Listen: We are right, and hope is
only our right and inheritance.
The body "dies" yet my fear turns to "unspeakable" "joy'
"life."
Wake up:
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Short, crazy dream.
I was reading the news this morning when I remembered a "crazy dream" I had. In the dream I remember people wanted justice and truth to triumph. It didn't matter if a republican or democrat was talking. It didn't matter if a person was black or white or male or female. Rich or poor. Everybody was accountable for their actions. The politicians had tried to separate folks but the rich and mighty and influential decided that everybody was equal and deserved dignity under the law. Black people decided that white people getting killed was just as much of a hate crime as black people getting killed. White people decided that young black people dying in the streets was just as much of a tragedy as white people getting killed in an accident or being murdered.
I know, crazy huhh? Also, people decided that just because somebody didn't have proper grammar or couldn't read or write that didn't mean that they were evil or wrong for speaking up about what they saw or heard. It even meant that just because somebody wore a hood or smoked a joint it didn't mean you had the right to chase them down and kill them. Wow, it meant the person who was actually "on trial" had to stand or fall on the facts and not on the white vs black demographic. Unreal, I know!
Then in this "Krazy Dream" people stopped demonizing other people for who they decided to marry or leave their worldly goods to or put on their insurance at work. People decided that the church and religious people had a perfect right to their belief system without being called idiots and bigots and unfairly depicted as fools. Also, people decided that putting a "price" on the welfare of a human life for insurance purposes was not only immoral and heartless but also "Anti-Christian." People decided that their leaders could no longer talk about "serving." At least not while they were earning pensions and insurance and living in mansions provided by the people.
Anyway, then I woke up and read the news and decided that I must have been crazy to have dreamed such a foolish dream.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Coffee, Ipods, and "I Am"
First let me say this. This is how I release some of the day to day "chatter" that goes on in my world. This is not a claim that the eternal source "God" of all life actually has spoken the literal words I attribute to "him" in the following exchange. I hope some of it is "inspired" of honesty and maybe even actual understanding. But, I make no claim that you will find the "truth" of all life or the "one way" in the following.
I forgot my Ipod this morning! There I was counting my change that I had scattered around my truck so I could stop bye Panera Bread and get some coffee and play the aging "yuppie" is that still a term these days? By hopping on the internet with my Ipod and watching Laurel and Hardy on Youtube or Madmen on Netflix or reading Page Six on the New York Post. But, I had walked out without the Ipod. Now what?
Well I ended up doing what I often do when I'm without any other course of distraction. I had to "think" and meditate and talk to God a little bit. Here's how that went:
Me: You know I've been doing this for 56 years now. I've talked to you as my savior who actually walked the roads of the Middle East around/over 2000 years ago.
God: Yeah, that's true and I've given you an anchor when things seemed wierded out on you.
Me: Then again I've talked to you as if you were an angry old "Zeuss" type figure ready to strike me down for the sins of my "thoughts and deeds."
God: Well, you know even that had some positive things..not that it was or is true literally. But, it did give you a certain sense of boundaries in the time of youth and experimentation with the world.
Me: Hmmm, yes it did at that. Ya know I also have talked to you as the "Holy Ghost" who was really, really sensitive and easily offended and I worried that one "out of place" word would condemn my immortal soul to eternal hell.
God: Well, ya know it's all part of the journey and at least you didn't forget completely who I really am.
Me: I also have talked to you the way I do now. As "Holy Spirit." It works better for me. It has a better sound to it and sounds more "intellectual" than Holy Ghost.
God: Well, that's not actually the best or even a good reason to use the name now is it?
Me: It has (for me) evolved into the way you have presented yourself in my life. Not as an angry old man in the sky, or a angry "ghost" but as my ultimate and eternal source and reason for being.
God: Now that's better.
Me: Oh look! Isn't she pretty? If I were 25 and single instead of 56 but there's no harm in looking.
God: Focus!
Me: Oh, sorry. I have a hard time in this world focusing on my prayer life and my inner life. I am so taken up by the day to day stress and who likes me and who hates me and what about that bill collector and that debt?
God: Yes,. There is a place for taking care of day to day things. You do it day to day and moment by moment. But, not in one big anxious gasp and grab.
Me: Help me to listen. It's hard to hear sometime and it's hard to trust.
God: Just "BE" and take a breath once in a little while and I"ll be there. Not, as Cosmic Santa but as peace.
Me: You know, the road in front of me is shorter than the road behind me.
God: It is! But, on the other hand remember what Jesus said. The kingdom isn't out there somewhere. The kingdom is always within and is here now.
Me: Thank you Father.
There was more to it and it's still ongoing. But, a wise woman once said to me: Steve, don't tell anybody but God everything. Peace. :-)
I forgot my Ipod this morning! There I was counting my change that I had scattered around my truck so I could stop bye Panera Bread and get some coffee and play the aging "yuppie" is that still a term these days? By hopping on the internet with my Ipod and watching Laurel and Hardy on Youtube or Madmen on Netflix or reading Page Six on the New York Post. But, I had walked out without the Ipod. Now what?
Well I ended up doing what I often do when I'm without any other course of distraction. I had to "think" and meditate and talk to God a little bit. Here's how that went:
Me: You know I've been doing this for 56 years now. I've talked to you as my savior who actually walked the roads of the Middle East around/over 2000 years ago.
God: Yeah, that's true and I've given you an anchor when things seemed wierded out on you.
Me: Then again I've talked to you as if you were an angry old "Zeuss" type figure ready to strike me down for the sins of my "thoughts and deeds."
God: Well, you know even that had some positive things..not that it was or is true literally. But, it did give you a certain sense of boundaries in the time of youth and experimentation with the world.
Me: Hmmm, yes it did at that. Ya know I also have talked to you as the "Holy Ghost" who was really, really sensitive and easily offended and I worried that one "out of place" word would condemn my immortal soul to eternal hell.
God: Well, ya know it's all part of the journey and at least you didn't forget completely who I really am.
Me: I also have talked to you the way I do now. As "Holy Spirit." It works better for me. It has a better sound to it and sounds more "intellectual" than Holy Ghost.
God: Well, that's not actually the best or even a good reason to use the name now is it?
Me: It has (for me) evolved into the way you have presented yourself in my life. Not as an angry old man in the sky, or a angry "ghost" but as my ultimate and eternal source and reason for being.
God: Now that's better.
Me: Oh look! Isn't she pretty? If I were 25 and single instead of 56 but there's no harm in looking.
God: Focus!
Me: Oh, sorry. I have a hard time in this world focusing on my prayer life and my inner life. I am so taken up by the day to day stress and who likes me and who hates me and what about that bill collector and that debt?
God: Yes,. There is a place for taking care of day to day things. You do it day to day and moment by moment. But, not in one big anxious gasp and grab.
Me: Help me to listen. It's hard to hear sometime and it's hard to trust.
God: Just "BE" and take a breath once in a little while and I"ll be there. Not, as Cosmic Santa but as peace.
Me: You know, the road in front of me is shorter than the road behind me.
God: It is! But, on the other hand remember what Jesus said. The kingdom isn't out there somewhere. The kingdom is always within and is here now.
Me: Thank you Father.
There was more to it and it's still ongoing. But, a wise woman once said to me: Steve, don't tell anybody but God everything. Peace. :-)
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
The Wild God!
I'm now going into or am already into my later 50's. Some memories and some of the journey sticks or makes an imprint and this term has certainly stuck with me over the years. "The Wild God," I was reading my hometown newspaper "The Gadsden Times" which I would devour for the comics and the sports section. But they would also have a column or article on religion or "This Strange World" or something like that. :-) Anyway, the title of the article was "The Wild God." I was a kid raised in the Bible Belt and I was a voracious reader. I still don't really understand how a human being can develop a worldview without reading. Now, don't get me wrong. Just because a word is on a page and bound in a book doesn't mean it's "right." for instance if you are reading Richard Dawkins to discover the worth of spirituality you need to stop or at least understand the "agenda" behind what you are reading. If you are reading Pat Robertson to find out the wisdom of the Buddha then you need to stop! Or at least understand the worldview and motive that the writer is coming from. Now that doesn't mean that if you read something or believe in something that you should constantly go back and forth between two extremes debunking one and proving the other. that could go on forever. But, you should think and understand where somebody or something is coming from that claims any kind of authority in your life or makes any kind of demand on who you are as a person.
Anyway, I thought I knew who God was and he certainly wasn't "wild." He was securely between the covers of the King James Bible and the hyms of Cherry Street Baptist Church or The Church of God of Prophecy. I went to Cherry Street on the church bus that would come through my neighborhood of Walnut Park. I went to the Church of God of Prophecy with my grandmother who truly lived the teachings and believed absolutely in her faith and the religion of the church. So, God couldn't be wild! He was who the preacher said he was on Sunday. He was my sky daddy and he was also angry at my "sins." I had a lot of sins. :-) I read books with monsters and ghost in them. I loved comic books. Raquel Welch and others made my "body" feel funny. I thought of "bad words" in my head. So, I had no room for a "wild god" since I was already trying to tread water with the love/wrath of the God of church.
Now, don't get me wrong. I remember my baptism at Cherry Street and the warmth and wonder that I felt when I came up out of the water. I remember praying and feeling a peace and a protection many times in my youth and even now in my life. It wasn't all fire and brimstone and guilt. I thank my grandmother for the gift of prayer that has steadied me all the years of my life. So, this isn't a brick through the window of the "church" or a rant on the faith of my youth.
I did however, lose my dogma as I got older. It wasn't the hypocritical actions of church members. I didn't lose my faith because a preacher slept with a woman or a church member went to the beer store. I lost my faith because the dogma just stopped making sense to me. I read some of the history of how the cannon of the bible was approved. I also used my own mind and some of the bible just didn't make sense to me. Still, the thought that every thing we are or have done is just an accident and we are nothing but brain chemicals didn't make sense to me or give me any hope.
The term "The Wild God" stayed with me. What if God really was able to draw all things unto him/her/universal self? What if love really was true? What if we were really the only ones who are responsible for what and who and the way we react to the journey? Also, what about the prayers I had prayed the dreams I had/have and the relationship I have with my source. With the "Holy Spirit."
No, I couldn't believe and don't believe that "love" could ever order the slaughter of all the women and children in a village/camp. No, I could never believe that a "man of God" could ever dash a baby against a stone. No, I can't believe that wearing a wool shirt and a silk scarf could be an abomination to the Lord. :-) But, I could believe and do believe in a "God" who would come and take part in the human condition.
I've said it before and I'll say it now. To go up to a burning building with a fire hose and put out a fire and rescue a human or even a pet is a wonderful thing to do. It's heroic and it's admirable. But, love real "Love" doesn't just pull you out of the fire. Real love sees you in the fire and comes and sits down beside you. Real love isn't just being strong enough to pull you to physical safety. Real love is saying if you are going to go through the fire then I'm going though with you.
That's why I still call myself a Christian. Not because the bible says it and I believe it. Not because of virgin births and talking donkeys and bodies coming out of tombs. I still relate to Christ because he sits down with me and waits with me. I'll never be the fire and brimstone Christian of my youth again. I'll never be able to relate to the old time religion and the absolute "word" again. But, I do know that I have a "Journey Securely Bound." That's enough for now. It's all I know.
Note: The Journey Securely Bound is from a wonderful lady I knew back in the Gadsden Vinyard named Debbie Handy. The thoughts and words I have written are my own and they are not the blame of anybody else. But, that beautiful title "A Journey Securely Bound" belongs to Debbie and a book she put together of poems and writings many years ago and shared with the church. My theology isn't her theology. So, if anybody thinks this is heretical that's fine. It's the way I feel at this point in my journey.
Peace!
Anyway, I thought I knew who God was and he certainly wasn't "wild." He was securely between the covers of the King James Bible and the hyms of Cherry Street Baptist Church or The Church of God of Prophecy. I went to Cherry Street on the church bus that would come through my neighborhood of Walnut Park. I went to the Church of God of Prophecy with my grandmother who truly lived the teachings and believed absolutely in her faith and the religion of the church. So, God couldn't be wild! He was who the preacher said he was on Sunday. He was my sky daddy and he was also angry at my "sins." I had a lot of sins. :-) I read books with monsters and ghost in them. I loved comic books. Raquel Welch and others made my "body" feel funny. I thought of "bad words" in my head. So, I had no room for a "wild god" since I was already trying to tread water with the love/wrath of the God of church.
Now, don't get me wrong. I remember my baptism at Cherry Street and the warmth and wonder that I felt when I came up out of the water. I remember praying and feeling a peace and a protection many times in my youth and even now in my life. It wasn't all fire and brimstone and guilt. I thank my grandmother for the gift of prayer that has steadied me all the years of my life. So, this isn't a brick through the window of the "church" or a rant on the faith of my youth.
I did however, lose my dogma as I got older. It wasn't the hypocritical actions of church members. I didn't lose my faith because a preacher slept with a woman or a church member went to the beer store. I lost my faith because the dogma just stopped making sense to me. I read some of the history of how the cannon of the bible was approved. I also used my own mind and some of the bible just didn't make sense to me. Still, the thought that every thing we are or have done is just an accident and we are nothing but brain chemicals didn't make sense to me or give me any hope.
The term "The Wild God" stayed with me. What if God really was able to draw all things unto him/her/universal self? What if love really was true? What if we were really the only ones who are responsible for what and who and the way we react to the journey? Also, what about the prayers I had prayed the dreams I had/have and the relationship I have with my source. With the "Holy Spirit."
No, I couldn't believe and don't believe that "love" could ever order the slaughter of all the women and children in a village/camp. No, I could never believe that a "man of God" could ever dash a baby against a stone. No, I can't believe that wearing a wool shirt and a silk scarf could be an abomination to the Lord. :-) But, I could believe and do believe in a "God" who would come and take part in the human condition.
I've said it before and I'll say it now. To go up to a burning building with a fire hose and put out a fire and rescue a human or even a pet is a wonderful thing to do. It's heroic and it's admirable. But, love real "Love" doesn't just pull you out of the fire. Real love sees you in the fire and comes and sits down beside you. Real love isn't just being strong enough to pull you to physical safety. Real love is saying if you are going to go through the fire then I'm going though with you.
That's why I still call myself a Christian. Not because the bible says it and I believe it. Not because of virgin births and talking donkeys and bodies coming out of tombs. I still relate to Christ because he sits down with me and waits with me. I'll never be the fire and brimstone Christian of my youth again. I'll never be able to relate to the old time religion and the absolute "word" again. But, I do know that I have a "Journey Securely Bound." That's enough for now. It's all I know.
Note: The Journey Securely Bound is from a wonderful lady I knew back in the Gadsden Vinyard named Debbie Handy. The thoughts and words I have written are my own and they are not the blame of anybody else. But, that beautiful title "A Journey Securely Bound" belongs to Debbie and a book she put together of poems and writings many years ago and shared with the church. My theology isn't her theology. So, if anybody thinks this is heretical that's fine. It's the way I feel at this point in my journey.
Peace!
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