Coffee, Jesus and Me.

I have always had this inner dialog going. Ever since my childhood. Prayer came naturally to me. But, so did just talking to myself. I try not to slip or do it out loud. I still remember a teacher telling me with some alarm that my six year old was "talking to himself." Gasp. I told her that was a sing of intelligence. :-) Oh well, some people have no imagination.

What follows is not  the same as my prayer life or meditation. But, sometimes I wonder what would it be like to pour myself a cup of coffee and just open up to the universe? To God? Now, I'm a liberal Christian to say the least these days. But, my background and my  touchstones are still very much in the Christian tradition even if I'm a little left of center and a little heretical these days. So, the following is my dialog or my coffee with Jesus.

It got a little intense at times and I had to kind of back away from some stuff. But, would anybody really expect anything less? I mean how much concentration on universal issues can a person stand at one time? Me? I think I'll relax and think about classic rock albums next time. :-)

Me: It’s been a little while since we talked much. I do a lot of meditation these days and try to find my center or being.  I don’t worry about one size fits all religion much. But, every once…

 Jesus: “I know, every once in a while you need to feel the humanity of the divine more than you need the eastern concept of void or nothingness.”

Me: Something like that. I was sipping coffee the other day and thought of a web cartoon called Coffee with Jesus. I thought well that might be a good thing to schedule.

Jesus:“Might be. But, as you know I don’t always schedule these things in “Oith time.”  J

Me.: I love it when you do my favorite Bugs Bunny with the lines with  the correct accent from my childhood Saturday morning cartoons.

Jesus: “ I know.” "I love to see you laugh.

Me: Oh God, I love it.

Jesus: "Hmmm.”

Me: Sorry, I meant Oh Gosh. J

Jesus"OF course you did.”

Me: So, I was thinking about life the other day. I have my own opinions ya know. Well, I do. But, anyway I always see people saying they believe in God but once someone dies? Even if they were 95 and had dementia the first thing people say is: So Sad. But, if we really think we are continuous beings then is it really sad?

Jesus"The universe is kind.” “Love never fails.” Need anymore slogans to get you through the night?

Me: So, I gotta wait and see? Well, the way I suspect the universe is, I have to wait and see again?

Jesus: “Here’s the thing. Remember the way the Sunday School folks tell the “Temptation thing? I mean in that one this dude ( we call Satan) comes up and I have a Superman “S” on under my cloak. So, I immediately know who he is and I have all this information. So, I say (Cue Charleston Heston voice) “Get Thee Behind Me Satan.” Then her runs off and the angels come down on their snowy wings and I’m good.

Me:  Not that simple huh?

Jesus: "Is life ever that simple?”

Jesus: “think of it this way.” You’re hungry and cold and maybe the money is getting low. Maybe, you didn’t get the girl or the boy depending on who you are. You’ve lost family and friends and you are doubting the very existence of a creator or reason for the universe.  Then you start to “think” Now maybe these are your own thoughts or maybe they come from somewhere else. Doesn’t matter. It’s going on in your head and you have to deal with it.

Me: You mean you don’t get to see the guy in the red suit and the pitch fork? You have to battle your own inner demons? Your own thoughts and fears of oblivion and just being here one minute and gone the next?  Was it  worth it? Was it long enough? Did I get my share of money, sex, love, health? What happened to the golden years?

Jesus: “That and more.”  Thoughts like am I crazy? Did I really think I saw a vision of Moses? Did I really think I was somehow close to God and able to move mountains with the faith of a mustard seed? Is this all there is? What did I miss? What did I lose? Why not just say #$%^ it and be done with it?

Me: Yeah, something like that. Did you just cuss?

Jesus: “That was more you than me but, you get my point.”

Me: So the Sunday school version is a little simplistic huh?

Jesus: "Do you want to really know the cost of life on this planet? How it really works? Do you really want to know about crosses and wars and hate?”

Me: Ya know, I think I’d rather just sing “Jesus loves the little children” and be done with it.

Jesus: “Yeah, most people would.”

Me: “Well, how about that Crimson Tide?”

Jesus: “Think about what you just said?”

Me: Ooops. Sorry.  :-o

Jesus: “It’s okay. I know you’re from Bama.” J

Me:  I had a dream once. You remember? I was standing on the shore of a really freezing river. There you were with me. At least it seemed to be you. But, there you were on the other side. You know how dreams are. So, I had the thought “Jump in.” But, I said: If I jump in I’ll freeze to death. I’ll die. Then I had the thought: Go on. Jump in. I did.

Jesus:“I do remember.” Your body was dying wasn’t it?

Me: It was freezing to death. It was dying.

Jesus: “But, what about you?

Me: My spirit was soaring. It was awesome. I was so elated and words are hard to come by to describe it. My spirit was or “I” was alive. Home.

Jesus: “Many times it works like that.” The body is dying but you will come to a place where you are soaring. 

Me: I look forward to it and dread it at the same time. After all. Those thoughts which may be mine or may be from somewhere else. It doesn’t matter. It’s going on in my mind. Doubt and fear and old prejudice and weakness and worry.  When does it stop?

Jesus: "Well,  there’s  this river. But, I have to warn you. It’s mighty cold.

Me: One more sip of coffee and I think I’ll be ready for the day. Can we do this again?

Jesus: "Anytime.”  You want to talk about football next time?

Me: I guess not.  But,  it would be easier.”

Me: Say, I don’t have to go searching for my cross do I? Still time right?

Jesus: "Well, no you don’t have to search for your own cross.” Time? Well, time is relative.

Peace!