Stairs of Life.
Sunday, November 3, 2024
Rock&Roll
Thursday, October 10, 2024
Relationship in Autumn
I found a leaf in the yard today.So, I looked at this Leaf. Thinking about, How fast life has gone. And I'm walking out. By my car that needs some work. In a body that probably needs some work. And there's this orange leaf. Turned by the Fall. And it's beautiful. I look at it the reddish orange colors blending with black.
It's got holes in it. It's tattered. It's brittle. But it's still beautiful.
That's kind of what old age is feeling like to me.
A little shaky
A little more fragile. But sometime when the light hits just right. The colors hit just right. It's still beautiful. Life is a gift. I think it's part of a long journey. I've come to feel, there's nothing but being And we get in these vehicles, these bodies. And we travel through a lifetime.
And the one thing that I have found, That I have held on to is relationship. I think that's all. That's what it's about. Relationship. And sometimes you find somebody from your tribe. You just light up. Sometimes you see somebody or you, miss somebody, you haven't seen for a long time.
The very Consciousness that Produces that leaf. The source of life. Doesn't die when the leaf does.
And that leaf, maybe produces and mingles with more life as it deteriorates Into the ground. I don't know. I'm not a Philosopher.
And I'm not a theologian.
But that's just one of the things I have found on my journey. I've seen a lot of beautiful People. Even people I didn't know were beautiful at the time. They're beautiful in my memory. And there's part of me that Because I do feel strongly life is an eternal journey see it all as a Continuum.
Sometimes I can't wait to drop This body I inhabit. Get to the next phase. But if you put a gun to my head right now, I'd beg for my life, this life
But if you said, what's it all about, That would be my answer. Relationship.
I've blown so many and was oblivious to even more. I lived with my head up my butt most of my life. But now in the Fall with Winter coming. I like to think about the Spring. When the leaves will be green again and relationships thought lost will prove to be found.
I don't much follow religious dogma these days. But i follow the hope that all religions at their best point towards. The healing and finding relationships and the journey home.
Sunday, September 8, 2024
Autumn of life
This started out as a meditative walk and talk with my maker. Then I decided to turn on my recorder and do a verbal vlog. So it might read a little oddly in places.
Fall. It's a different time of year.
The bluish Blues. The greenest greens. Are about to fade. In the South, some of the Intense heat. Is also about to break. And breathing will be a little easier outside. Kind of a trade-off, I guess.
I Have come to a place in life. Where I'm pretty sure. That we are beings of light. But I just watched a documentary on YouTube that reminded me of how dark humanity can be. The murder and the sexual attacks on children and And it's hard to believe that a being who could commit such a thing. Has anything at all to do with light. Or spirit.
But I tend to still think that. Because of my own experience in life that we are beings of light at our core.
I think about, Angry atheist, Fundamentalist Christians. Because those are the only two types that I really have experience with. The Christian, because I was born and raised a Christian. The atheist. Because Growing up. That was always the opposite. But they both have a peculiar world view to me. They see God. As an old man in the sky.
That has temper tantrums and anger, and is responsible for, Either all the beauty or all the darkness in the world or both.
I think they Have this Just so story. The Christians that Jesus will pull him out of tribulation (what do they think this is) and They'll be able to escape torment. The fact that others will be tormented, it just sucks to be them. The atheist that it's all a fairy tale and a sperm Lottery. Since they're not a child in a cancer ward, or A baby getting molested or a woman getting raped? Hey, it just sucks to be everybody else live for today.
I no longer see God as an old man in the sky. That gets angry at me for something as silly as looking at a woman's shoulder or saying a bad word when I stubbed my toe.
But I don't. See life as being meaningless or blind. Good Lord, Evolution isn't even blind. It has purpose.
Everything on Earth appears to have purpose. I'm talking about species and Bodies and planets. And, you know, they all seem to serve A purpose. The smallest insect appears to have a purpose.
But, The reason I feel that I'm a being of light. That everyone is light. And i could be wrong. But I had an experience after meditating and falling asleep in between waking and Coming fully awake. All of a sudden I was in pure white light.
It was the most brilliant light I've ever seen. Brighter than the Sun and yet, it was so soft on my eyes. And I remember, Feeling like this was the beginning of everything that is, was and ever will be. "Let there be light "
I feel in that light. My loved ones that have passed were in that light. It was a beautiful feeling and it didn't last long, But for me, it was another signpost along the highway.
So now it's fall. And I'm in my 60s. Looking hard at my 70s. I sometimes wonder, and I don't want to be put me in a padded room but I generally wonder if time has speeded up somehow.
When it Turns to fall and it's not Fall in Alabama, yet. There's just a hint of it every once in a while. In the mornings and late at night. It takes a while for fall to come to Alabama.
But I'm outside and look at these green trees and the grass. At the blue sky. If you've never been to
Etowah County, Blount County, Alabama. In the spring and summer, you have no idea. Just what I'm talking about. The greens and blues are just Vivid. Even though Tuscaloosa County is about 120 miles Southwest of where i grew up. Today brought some memories.
Of course, I guess everybody says that about their experience In their own part of the world. Because it's true. I'm sure.
But it is amazing. And now, the leaves will turn and First, they'll turn colors and that'll look nice and the grass will get sparser and less High. But then, come around November, December. I'll really start missing the Greenery when I can see the bare ground the bare tree limbs, and The sparse leaves.
And It starts getting cold sometime in December. Or so, and it will. As I watch a hummingbird right now, It will be a different world.
And I think about life and death a lot, I think about how fast it's gone by. You know, I think about For instance. My uncle way back. In Altoona, Alabama. He was a tremendous Alabama football fan. He would have been Happy if he had of lived through the Nick Saban years.
And now, I look at Alabama, about to get a new coach, they have a new coach actually. I hope not about to have another one for several years. And I think this could well be the last one of my lifetime. Coaching change i mean. I know it's silly but many guys from my state use college football as a marker through life.
It's just an odd feeling.
You know. If I had a regret. And I have a couple. It's mainly the way I've treated other people in my lifetime. The way I'm treated creatures. Dogs cats.
Wanting to be sure that I've treated people Well and I know I haven't always And you want to go back and fix it, but, you know, you can't.
We're all given much Grace at the end of this journey. I truly feel that's so.
I'm at that age where Politics doesn't bother me much anymore. It really doesn't.
If I didn't have a son. I wouldn't be that concerned because i'm So old it won't matter to me not many years down the road. And yet that's not quite true. I'd still care.
Feel the presence. Try to listen. I have a list of things I want, but I try to listen.
That muscle. That's beating your whole life. Start to slow down or speed up. And you realize how fragile the rest of your life is going to be it puts it in perspective. You don't stop being human. You don't stop looking at Pretty people of the opposite sex. I could use some money to pay a bill. Win a lottery, but you quit. Looking at it as Be all end all.
And in that book chapter 43, It takes about an hour to listen to it on Audible. I think it's a long chapter. Or maybe 45 minutes. But it's called the resurrection of SriYukeswar. Excuse my spelling.
It's had a big impact on me sometime When I meditate, I listen to that. While I meditate. Or listen to it before, or when I'm going to sleep, I don't do it a lot. But sometimes. Because it feels to me, you know, some thing's resonate with you. There are things that you hear or you see. And it just feels. Like it belongs to you that chapter Is one of those things for me.
Not because I think that it's the gospel truth. No pun intended. But because the concepts of it, Feel right to me.
In my Christian Upbringing. The hardest thing for me. Was to finally admit. That while I believe that. Jesus indeed appeared. After his death, I didn't believe that. Physical bodies. Molecules and sexual organs knitted back together. Came out of Graves. But I've always actually had a feeling. Of spiritual reality.
And in that book, Chapter 43. It talks about The gross physical body, the astral body that we're connected to. And the casual body which is just pure Consciousness and it rang a bell with me. I think it's because I've got or I've always had A little snippet of memory of a past life and You know, I I don't go around trying to convert people to anything.
Because I don't think it matters. I think all that matters is that you see the light in other creatures and people And try to be as kind As you can be. At any given time.
But that chapter helped me to articulate at least for myself. Some of the reasons. That I have hope. As I approach. The seventh decade of my life on Earth if I should reach that decade.
So that's why chapter 43 is so important to me. Does it mean that I Agree with every inch of the philosophy in it? Of course, not. Am I going to become a Hindu? No, no. Not today. I'm not gonna renounce My faith that I was born in. No, I never have. I have left the dogma. But other people.Pretty much told me, I have to believe in this and this in order to be What I was brought up as but I never really was good at taking direction from other people.
So, here I am. I think I'm playing with house money. I thought that ever since I Had the heart surgery. Everything later is just gravy. That Uncle who I always loved still do. He didn't get past 65 on Earth in this life. My mother recently passed at 84. And my dad is In his 90s.
But I had a feeling. Before my surgery that I might not make it out of my 60s, After surgery, I felt like i might Indeed make it out of my 60s but I can tell you When you had that kind of procedure. You don't know how you'll feel when you wake up and it was Rocky and it still is sometimes.
But I've come to a place where I think it's all one Eternal moment. And it's not quantity. It's every day. Day by day And every day of being able to Pray or Meditate or just be It's a gift. I don't always use it right and I gripe and I Grumble and I cuss and I wish I'd done this and I wish I'd done that, and if I'd have only done this or that, But ultimately, I feel like I'm surrounded by light.
So, In the words of Yogananda.
I'm immersed in Thine Eternal Light.
It fills every particle of my being.
I'm living in that light. The Divine Spirit fills me within and without.
Wednesday, June 26, 2024
Yoganda and me
I don't do gurus. Except for Willie Nelson. I find the occasional times i've heard him touch on religion, politics or life that i've agreed with most of it. But, i keep my own counsel and maintain my right to my opinion.
Sunday, June 9, 2024
Life and other stuff.
I didn't come here and i ain't leaving....Willie Nelson.
I talk to lots of different people these days. Especially in my old age. I wanted to stop driving period after i retired. No more worrying about gas prices or car repairs. No more traffic and straining to see the road at night. But the old body started getting creaks & aches that require medical and pharmacy visits. I live out in the rural part of Tuscaloosa County and it's a long way to my Northeast Alabama stomping grounds from here. So i guess i came here after all and i'm bound to leave.
If you meet Buddha on the road. Kill him...9th century Chineese-Buddhist monk
Along my journey i've come to appreciate the above quote. My Western mind and Christian upbringing found it a little hard to get in my youth. But as i've continued on the journey i've come to see the wisdom. When you think you've figured it all out. You can be sure something is missing. Only fools and insane people know everything. Wise people are always in doubt. (That's another bad paraphrase on my part.) I did find that the things i believed in my youth and even adulthood were based on other people's version and translations which were given to them by other people and so on and so on.
All politics is local...Tip O'Neil former Speaker of the House.
The politics is local phrase means different things to different people. But for me it comes down to my own ability to put food on my table, a roof over my head and some pleasures and convience in life.
I know it will sound cold to some but i don't wake up everyday trying to decide what a young woman will do with her own body and life course. I don't care if you change sex or who you love or lust after as long as you don't rape women or molest children. That's true no matter what your sex orientation is. I don't care what religion you practice or if you practice any at all.
I noticed some of my Facebook friends get awfully riled up if they think someone at the border got a food stamp. No! I'm not for open border's. You either have a nation or you don't.
But while we are fighting among ourselves. Black vs white, gay vs straight, Hispanic vs Asian, Trans vs straight, gay or cross dresser. Fighting about bathroom privileges (by the way if you let your 3 year old child go into ANY public bathroom alone you're an idiot ) The politicians, corporation's and big pharma and other special interests are robbing us blind.
Don't look at another 3 trillion going to Ukraine or Israel to fight a war. Instead just believe us when we tell you health care and Social security can't be funded. What? You have questions? Well, errr. Quick look over there! There's Donald Trump! Don't you hate him. He's the problem. Wait! There's Joe Biden shitting his pants. He's the problem. Wait! There's an old white dude he's the devil incarnate. Wait! See that entitled black welfare mother over there?
It just goes on and on while we wear our red jersey or blue jersey and act like it's a football game.
Do unto others what you would have them do unto you...Jesus
The quote of Jesus is my only religion. To try and see all people for who they are as an individual and at least try to treat them with the care and dignity i'd want them to treat me with.
I don't know what will happen to this nation in the next 20 years. I'm getting older and have some medical issues. So if i'm still here in 20 years i'll be ancient. I'm not extremely scared of death. My life journey indicates to me that we drop the body and our consciousness keeps going. Perhaps to continue another series of trips around the sun or perhaps for parts unknown.
What bothers me most is disease, debilitation and physical decline. I hope to wake up one day and look back on my body rather than endure a slow decline into invalid or dementia status.
Wow Steve! You're a real fun date!
Sorry. Let me get off the morbid train. Anyway I don't think this is the most crucile election ever and we have to take one for the good of the team just to keep the other guy out. I'm not voting for anyone i don't feel comfortable voting for. I don't care what party they represent.
Elections are way too much like sporting events. The parties say It's crucial, historic and vital this time. So vote the way we tell you to. On the other hand the NFL hypes the Super Bowl as the most important game in history. Yet they play another one every year.
So be kind. Be humble. Be proud and just breathe!
✌️
Sunday, May 26, 2024
Heaven and Earth
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, / than are dreamt of in your philosophy...Hamlet
Sunday, May 12, 2024
finally got around to watching a classic Western. High Noon. 1952 with Gary Cooper, Grace Kelly, Katy Jurado. Lots of others. I'm a sucker for a blonde fem fatale but i have to say Katy Jurado playing a Mexican lady is absolutely beautiful.
But i digress. I expected an old shoot em up melodrama. I would sleep through the romantic drama and grab my popcorn for the gunfights. Well i was wrong. The first few minutes camera work is awesome. No dialogue and Tex Ritter singing the title song in the background.
Our hero is an aging town Marshall who just married a new bride. They dressed Grace Kelly down so she looked like a good girl but not the bombshell she was. Anyway as the wedding is taking place three minions of a really bad guy come to town waiting for the noon train. That's when the bad guy that the marshall put away for murder will arrive.
Seems those dang bleeding hearts were already at work since they had let the murderer walk after serving around 5-7 years. The town folks are telling the marshall to run and start life with his new bride. But of course he won't run. He starts to run but a true son of the code of the West means he's got to turn around and face the varmints.
Which he does. But that's not the point. The point was all of the betrayals he suffered. From his bitter deputy to his best friend. Nobody would stand with him. But the script also showed the gray areas between not wanting to get killed in a gun battle and wanting to be brave and loyal. Just like today it's not always so cut and dried.
It caused me to think about the times when i looked for a friend and they weren't there. It also made me think of the times I wasn't there for others. It also made me think of our current situation. Wars and congress wanting to fund more war while wanting to curtail Social Security.
But a very liberal (or were they conservative?) it's hard to know with war since Republicans and Democrats seem to love it equally.
But anyway. This person seemed to think that i wouldn't have wanted to fight Germany in WW2. But honestly? I think that's cowardly to accuse people of not fighting Nazi's just because they don't want to fund more modern bombs blowing people up.
So if you're my friend and the bad guys call you out. Then my little scrawny old butt will stand with you. But if you're a politician wanting to send a few more trillion bucks for more bombs to drop on poor people. Then go to Hades.
Oh and by the way. The movie High Noon? Totally worth the 🍿 and viewing.
Peace!