Talking with God.

I've had an inner dialog as long as I can remember. I am the observer. I am. I have been challenged by atheist to "define god." I've been challenged by fundamentalist about how I can pick and choose which bible verses are relevant and which are not. It's all the same book. Well, actually it's not. But, to the first argument. A definition of "god" that would assign gender, emotions, reaction and "waiting" on a decision from another being would not be god with a big G. It would be god with a little g. Superman, as it were.

The best definition of god I have ever heard is in the Old Testament. God answering Moses. Who are you Lord? I AM! That's why religious people were so angry at Christ when he made the same type statement. I am is also a good definition of "me."  Did he just say he was "god." No, I didn't. But, I did say that I am pure being. The dance of Spirit and matter. Consciousness. One aspect of the eternal. As for the other statement of how can I pick and choose out of the "same book." Well, it's not "one book" for one thing. Many people in a search for God and some in a search for reason and even politics wrote many things over the years. Rabbi's passed word of mouth and generations came to hold a community image of who they were/are. The folks with funny hats (the ones that certain fundamentalist call the false church today) met and debated and included and excluded which writings were "inspired" and which were not. Anyway, I didn't do this blog to start a fight or lose life long friends. I simply do this blog to put my thoughts out there and if it resonates with another person then wonderful. If it causes another person to point me to wisdom then that is wonderful. But, I mainly do it to continue my own inner dialog and as a release valve for my own thoughts and questions. I don't do it to make other people mad or attack the faith of my youth or to fight with an atheist.

Anyway, talking with God. We talk about many things and I even manage (though not often) to listen. I have come to a place where I see the divine in all things. The way a mother looks at a child. The way a beggar looks at people passing by on the sidewalk. The way a scientist looks through a telescope and the way a preacher studies scripture and the way a Buddhist meditates. But, I also see "God" in a personal way.

I have a story that goes back to my childhood. I have told it often and maybe even somewhere on other blog post. But, it does illustrate a point in my personal journey:

I grew up in Gadsden, Alabama in the part called Alabama City, in the neighborhood called Walnut Park. There was a church bus that came through the neighborhood from a local church called Cherry Street Baptist in Attalla, Alabama. My sister and I along with other kids would pile on and go to church. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY does youth church like the Southern Baptist. ;-) My mother was raised in the Church of God of Prophecy and my step dad had not real religious affiliation (neither did my mother by this time.) So, we rode the bus. The preacher was a good man with a wonderful family and the following is by no means an indictment of the church, the people or the pastor. It's just the feeling of a 12 to 13 year old child in the late sixties to early seventies in a southern church. Also, I was a rather "serious" kid when it came to God, and I may have been a little too serious but that's another story. This one started me on a life long dialog within my own sanctuary. So, here goes:

 The pastor had talked about sin and redemption and the youth were in attendance. He talked about how forgiving God was through Christ and the importance of prayer and asking for forgiveness of sin. But, he said one thing that my active imagination quickly ran away with. he said that all sin can be forgiven except the sin of blasphemy against the "Holy Ghost." Now remember I said my mother had been raised in the Church of God of Prophecy? Well, my grandmother who helped raise me was a devout member of that church. The Holy Ghost was no joke and no laughing matter to be taken lightly in a pentecostal church. He was a very stern figure that read your mind and knew all the things you did and you didn't want to insult him. So, when the preacher said "Holy Ghost" my ears pricked up at least internally. I was under immediate assault mentally, emotionally and spiritually. After all imagine trying not to think of a pink elephant. What is the first thing you think of? So, you can see my dilemma. I was certainly going to hell because the worst thoughts in the world were going through my little mind.

The above is also why I don't take sanity or mental health for granted. That could have been the start of a life long mental problem and I'm not joking. But, a wonderful thing happened. Now some will say I'm pumping up a natural process of my brain. Some will say I am remembering what I want to  remember. Some will say "God was striving with me but I'm still not  theologically correct and still in danger" All I know for sure is that the very foundation, the very source of my being brought sanity to me and I am lifelong and eternally thankful. Here is how it happened.

I was in my backyard telling the Holy Ghost that I really didn't mean all those bad thoughts. Then a calm thought came to me. "I'm not a fortune teller." "I don't look into your mind from outside and get mad and judge you." "I am your maker, not somebody looking in from outside." Then I saw a room and a couch and a door. I then heard "Sit here and I'll get the door." "They are calling my name and not your name." So, every time you worry or have a thought that is harmful just sit here." I'll get the door."

The one who I dialog with has been getting the door ever since.

Peace.