Past lives?

Warning: This particular post will absolutely offend some of my oldest friends and family because of very real and intense religious convictions that they hold. It will also make some of my friends who are not into any kind of religious or spiritual talk uneasy. Of course they don't read it any way so I'm more than likely good there. :-) It is a very self serving and mainly venting post. Oh, and it will also make some folks think (if they think about it all) that I am full of uhhh, crap. :-) That said if anybody is still here then here we go.

 Why as a Christian born and raised in the south and in the church do I have such an affinity for the concept of reincarnation? I'm not sure. I still identify as a Christian. I heard the famous or infamous (depends on your point of view I guess) atheist Richard Dawkins say that if there is a God and he meets him in the afterlife that he will ask him "Sir, why did you hide yourself so well?) Now, I don't agree with Mr. Dawkins. Every breath I take, every scientific advance I read about, Every birth and every death says God to me. The very reason for living says God to me. Still, I thought about the way he said it and I have my own simple (and his reasoning for all his intelligence is simple in this regard) statement. When I die and if God comes to me and says "Ya know Jesus wasn't exclusively the savior and all religions are equal" I have a similar statement that I might say. I might say "Well, if they are all equal (and I did respect each one as far as I was able to understand them) But, if Jesus isn't who he said he was then why did you make me the way you did and birth me in the place and time that you did? I'm a Christian the same way I'm southern or American or a man. It's in my blood and my DNA spiritually to be Christian. My dogma got ran over a long time ago. I have real doubts about the theology of the "Church." I don't think the bible is a science book or a history book or a way to judge gay people and Muslims and Jews and atheist. I don't think it's a silly collection of fairy tales either. Ah, but I digress. My thoughts today are on a different "heretical" subject. The truth is that I am 75% convinced (well I had to use some number) that we reincarnate. I have felt this since I was a youth on some level. I wasn't raised to believe this. But, I had some memories that I would drive my mother nuts with. She was not and is not a believer in the concept of past lives. :-) I had really intense dreams about people that I had just "met" in grade school. I would lie in bed and faces would pass before my eyes of people I seemed to "know" but they were not part of this lifetime. Now, all this faded over the years and I can't say I am remembering everything the exact way that it happened. But, I'm older now and past the point of trying to be "accepted" by a church or a cute girl in church or making my adult relatives happy and be accepted. I don't spout this stuff at work or talk to my oldest friends about it much. I discuss it on internet message board and facebook pages that are devoted to it but never with most of my day to day relationships in the "real world." My wife doesn't share my interest and even my little boy (did I tell ya he's gifted and I'm awed by his intellect) :-) Anyway, even my 9 year old son rolls his eyes whenever he hears me mention it. So, why am I doing a blog about it? Purely for selfish reasons? Well, yes and no. I need an outlet and a blog is a great way to just put it out there. Nobody has to listen or read it or be bothered by it and I get a release. On the other hand I'm honored anytime someone does take the time to read it. But, the real reason I'm writing it is I had one of "those" dreams last night. It was filled with symbolism from my day yesterday so no big deal there. But, in the midst of it there was a thread and a "relationship" or experience from the days of my childhood running through it. I'm not gonna go into it but I just needed to write this blog today.

For anybody still reading I do want to say something about life after death and life before life and my way of looking at life. I have gone through many stages in my 50 plus years on the planet. I have been born again and baptised and I will never forget the sanctity and the feeling of my first baptism. I have a pretty good liberal arts education and have wondered how and what could possibly survive the death of the body. I'm meditated and have tremendous respect for Buddhism. But, I'm not Buddhist. I have looked into psychics and think most of em are full of crap and many are self deceived. Still, there are times when I know or have known something and I can't say there is absolutely nothing to it. I have thought of atheism and have to admit it has it's place in the pantheon of thought in my life. But, I remember writing a paper back when I was getting into the school of social work. I had to tell my instructor why I thought I should be a social worker and why I was drawn to this discipline. Well, I couldn't say "I suck in math and I'm not real good at the hard sciences so this is a good way to get a degree and go to work" :-) So, I had to think about things that I really feel are true. One of those things is that humans need hope. You can take a dog and feed him/her. Pat them on the head and let them run in the yard and give them water. That dog is really happy and will always be loyal to you. But, a human is unique in some ways. We are restless. We can get our dream job and have sex with beautiful people. We can build houses and kiss our child. Our team can win the National Championship (Roll Tide.) :-) But, there is always an empty space and boredom will nudge it's way in. Also, we are always aware of death both ours and the ones we love. The one thing that a human has to have is hope. I saw an old video on youtube with Carl Jung. Jung said when he talked to his elderly patients who were dying they still had hope. The still had something they were looking forward to. It was as if they were still getting ready to go somewhere. Hope. So, no I'm not an atheist. That is the ultimate absence of hope.

I also was never that moved by the fire and brimstone fear of my youth. I always (and it has been my experience in life) felt that as long as I have "being" that I have hope. Even though I rise to the heavens you are with me. If I descend to the lowest pit..you are there.

Oblivion however, now that was and is scary. In the teeth of that Jung's patients still had hope. So do I. To me reincarnation answers some questions.  (cue my wife here with this statement: "That's convenient.") She didn't say it nasty because she's not a nasty person. She just said it matter of factly and I agree. Still, down deep I honestly think it is a legitimate possibility If we are spiritual beings then we have to exist in some way outside of space and time. I don't think the brain produces consciousness or that the sperm and egg produces spirit or soul. So, that's kind of where I am right now and tomorrow I might be somewhere else.

As always, thank you if you have read this far. If I'm the only one who ever reads it then that's OK because that meant that God is aware of it.

Peace.